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  1. #41
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    Read the opening post , she sais that the SIL has nothing to do with the Grandmother. If that is the case, I don't see how she can do anything about the relationship with the kids, unless they are older of course.

    "Sitting on her ****" and "pull your finger out nanna", what a way with words you have vicpark. Lets not forget that we are talking about OPs mother, show a bit of respect.
    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    No more lazy or uncaring that the mother (grandma).

    Perhaps the brother is just a typical male and is hopeless with communication. Perhaps the SIL is busy and stressed raising a kid, and can't find time to actively chase a grown adult (her hubby) to spend time on a relationship with another grown hubby (her MIL).

    I assume the grandma is retired? If so what's her excuse for sitting on her ar$e and watching her relationship with her grandkids go down the crapper? Pull your finger out Nanna!

  2. #42
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    Quote Originally Posted by beebs View Post
    Read the opening post , she sais that the SIL has nothing to do with the Grandmother. If that is the case, I don't see how she can do anything about the relationship with the kids, unless they are older of course.

    "Sitting on her ****" and "pull your finger out nanna", what a way with words you have vicpark. Lets not forget that we are talking about OPs mother, show a bit of respect.
    "Sister in law has nothing to do with the grandma" ..... Ummmm. Doesn't that also mean that the Grandma has nothing to do with the SIL?

    Sorry but I just re-read the OP and I could find nothing in there to suggest that the Grandma was doing anything to sustain a relationship with her grandkids. Apologies if this is actually the case, but I figured it was information so pivotal to the story the OP would have included it ...if it were true. There was mention of the son calling her every few months for 10 minutes, not the other way round. The OP is looking into this issue, I presume because the grandma is doing nothing on her own to resolve it.

    There is plenty the grandma could do to sustain a relationship with the grandkids. Skype/call them. I mean there is no suggestion in the OP that the SIL would actually refuse a call. Send them letters. And here's a toughie... In the 10 minute phone call from her son every few months she could try and raise her concerns and ask if he has any problems with her calling the grandkids more often... Or even coming for a visit.

    It takes 2 to Tango... As for saying I should have more respect etc etc... I'm not going to respect an old persons actions when it involved them sitting on their butt expecting others to do all the work with maintaining a relationship with their grandkids.
    Last edited by VicPark; 24-04-2013 at 07:17.

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  4. #43
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    Our case is a little different - DH's mother was abusive to both him and his brother while they were children (including sexual abuse) so we have nothing to do with her and certainly do not want our son to have anything to do with her! In a case of just distance though, I think it is a little sad that your child misses out on both grandparents.

  5. #44
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    I think its incredibly unfair to assume that the SIL in the OP is a bad person because she isnt fostering the relationship. Perhaps her husband has asked her not to? Perhaps she has encouraged her DH to contact his mother more but he chooses not to, in which case I dont believe it is her place to force the issue. Simply placing blame on the SIL is not fair at all.

    I am clouded by my own experiences in a similar situation, I have always, always pushed DH to stay in contact with his family. He chooses not to. If I continue to push him on it, it would negatively affect our marriage which is in no way good for our kids.


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  6. #45
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    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    "Sister in law has nothing to do with the grandma" ..... Ummmm. Doesn't that also mean that the Grandma has nothing to do with the SIL?

    Sorry but I just re-read the OP and I could find nothing in there to suggest that the Grandma was doing anything to sustain a relationship with her grandkids. Apologies if this is actually the case, but I figured it was information so pivotal to the story the OP would have included it ...if it were true. There was mention of the son calling her every few months for 10 minutes, not the other way round. The OP is looking into this issue, I presume because the grandma is doing nothing on her own to resolve it.

    There is plenty the grandma could do to sustain a relationship with the grandkids. Skype/call them. I mean there is no suggestion in the OP that the SIL would actually refuse a call. Send them letters. And here's a toughie... In the 10 minute phone call from her son every few months she could try and raise her concerns and ask if he has any problems with her calling the grandkids more often... Or even coming for a visit.

    It takes 2 to Tango... As for saying I should have more respect etc etc... I'm not going to respect an old persons actions when it involved them sitting on their butt expecting others to do all the work with maintaining a relationship with their grandkids.
    I totally agree with this ^^^.

  7. #46
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    I took that sentence to mean that the SIL had nothing to do with the grandma, as in she had nothing to do with her.

    But it is clear that we have both assumed a lot from that first post. It does not go into detail about who does and doesn't call, so MIL may be making calls. Or SIL may not me taking calls. Who knows?

    Maybe they all just need to grow some balls

    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    "Sister in law has nothing to do with the grandma" ..... Ummmm. Doesn't that also mean that the Grandma has nothing to do with the SIL?

    Sorry but I just re-read the OP and I could find nothing in there to suggest that the Grandma was doing anything to sustain a relationship with her grandkids. Apologies if this is actually the case, but I figured it was information so pivotal to the story the OP would have included it ...if it were true. There was mention of the son calling her every few months for 10 minutes, not the other way round. The OP is looking into this issue, I presume because the grandma is doing nothing on her own to resolve it.

    There is plenty the grandma could do to sustain a relationship with the grandkids. Skype/call them. I mean there is no suggestion in the OP that the SIL would actually refuse a call. Send them letters. And here's a toughie... In the 10 minute phone call from her son every few months she could try and raise her concerns and ask if he has any problems with her calling the grandkids more often... Or even coming for a visit.

    It takes 2 to Tango... As for saying I should have more respect etc etc... I'm not going to respect an old persons actions when it involved them sitting on their butt expecting others to do all the work with maintaining a relationship with their grandkids.

  8. #47
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    I'm clouded too, I have a non existent relationship with my ex SIL. She makes it so difficult to maintain a relationship with her kids.

    I guess we will always see things through our own experiences.

    Quote Originally Posted by peanutmonkey View Post
    I think its incredibly unfair to assume that the SIL in the OP is a bad person because she isnt fostering the relationship. Perhaps her husband has asked her not to? Perhaps she has encouraged her DH to contact his mother more but he chooses not to, in which case I dont believe it is her place to force the issue. Simply placing blame on the SIL is not fair at all.

    I am clouded by my own experiences in a similar situation, I have always, always pushed DH to stay in contact with his family. He chooses not to. If I continue to push him on it, it would negatively affect our marriage which is in no way good for our kids.


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  9. #48
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    Quote Originally Posted by beebs View Post
    I took that sentence to mean that the SIL had nothing to do with the grandma, as in she had nothing to do with her.

    But it is clear that we have both assumed a lot from that first post. It does not go into detail about who does and doesn't call, so MIL may be making calls. Or SIL may not me taking calls. Who knows?

    Maybe they all just need to grow some balls
    I concur

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  11. #49
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    I would just like to say, as a person who didn't know either set of Grandparents, my two Australian ones died before I was born and my other set lived overseas and I never got to meet my Granddad, and only met my grandmother twice.

    I do feel I missed out on something when I was growing up, I felt sad about it.

    Of course, I don't mean that people should foster a relationship with someone abusive!

  12. #50
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    I'm a single parent. I chose to be a single parent (Deadbeat and dangerous FOB). When DS was a toddler, we got in contact with FOB family (I thought FOB came with family so we gave up the family- little did I know, they would have supported my decision). Since then- it has been up to me to keep the lines of communication open. They are foreign, I am Aussie. Their culture, their language, their love- I can't give that to DS- so it's up to me to keep that contact there for DS's sake. It just so happens that they are lovely people and it's really not that hard. We meet for lunch every now and again, go on holidays with them maybe once a year, I send pictures and messages every now and again.

    DS is my son, I have his best interests at heart (as do they), knowing his family is in his best interest. Simple.

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