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  1. #11
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    This topic hits close to home for me.

    My DS spends a lot of time with my parents, we live in the same town and they love seeing him and hearing about every little thing he does. He is the first grandchild on both sides.

    My DH parents are divorced. DS sees his grandmother (DH mum) and she makes a real effort to come and see us, sends emails, packages. But DH father and his wife have seen DS once since he was born - on Christmas Day. Only because we chose to spend it with them because we knew we wouldn't see them otherwise.

    He had his first birthday nearly 2 weeks ago and nothing, not a card or phone call. It hurts even typing this out. I have send cards, photos, emails with photos which I do get replies from but they never initiate. We have asked them to visit and stay, the live an hour away, never bothered.

    I think it's really important that your mum not wait to initiate contact with them - encourage her to call them, send cards and photos of her house and herself - this will hopefully encourage them to engage. Tell her not to wait. Some people are just $hit.

  2. #12
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    I think in your situation your sil needs to pull her finger out. I don't expect dh to print photos or send cards because its the type of thing I do, and I would most definately make the effort and send them. Just because it's his mum, they're her childrens grandmother, she's important, and she should be included. It doesn't matter how far they live.

  3. #13
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    Default Is it Ok for the child just to know ONE set of grandparents?

    I think your brother should take better care of his mum and send cards, photos etc :-)

    I personally keep pushing DH to talk to his mum and include her into our pregnancy as much as I include my mum. But I believe it's his role not mine.

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  5. #14
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    My IL live interstate so we don't see them very often, but i do consider them a very important part of our lives. They are on facebook and Skype and we find this is a great way to keep in touch. They talk to the kids on the phone weekly too.
    I somewhat agree that its up to your brother to keep up contact. A phone call once a week isn't too much to ask, nor are photos. He could order them online and have them sent straight to his Mums address, its cheap and easy to do.

  6. #15
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    Default Re: Is it Ok for the child just to know ONE set of grandparents?

    Yup, your brother needs to pull his finger out.

    I have been accused of awful stuff by my in-laws. Yet all I have ever done is try to pressure my DH to see them, talk to them etc but it's easier for them to blame me for him not wanting anything to do with them than to accept the truth that he doesn't like them very much.

    Of course your SIL is going to be closer to her family than yours. The relationships shouldn't be compared though, especially when distance is a factor. My mum is my best friend and i speak to her at least once a day and I call her or msg her with most mundane things my kids do. I am not close to MIL and don't have the mother daughter connection with her so obviously it won't be the same.

    I also don't see or speak to my dad as much. Which he is fine with. He accepts that the relationships are different and my relationship I Havre with my mum has absolutely nothing to do with the relationship I have with him.

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  7. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lili81 View Post
    I think your brother should take better care of his mum and send cards, photos etc :-)

    I personally keep pushing DH to talk to his mum and include her into our pregnancy as much as I include my mum. But I believe it's his role not mine.
    Couldn't agree more! It is not really up to your SIL but your brother to do this.

    I also have to get my DH to make more contact - it can be really frustrating. It shouldn't be my role to initiate contact with his side of the family.

  8. #17
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    I don't think it really matters tbh.

    I've never had a close relationship with any extended family. I have met most of them, but that's about it. I feel no loss because of it.

    DD has met all of her grandparents, but only really ever sees my mother. My father moved overseas - no real chance of a relationship there, but even if he hadn't moved, there wouldn't have been close because I'M not close to him and don't see him often anyway.

    Her paternal grandmother lives across the other side of the country and though she means well, she is a bit scatterbrained and focused on little more than herself.

    Her paternal grandfather lives overseas too, and she has met him only once.

    She talks most fondly of my mother and of my ex's sister's kids (her paternal cousins). She doesn't see those cousins often, but she would if she could (they live over the other side of the country too).

    She doesn't bring up the grandparents she doesn't see, so I don't think she feels a sense of loss either.

  9. #18
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    To play devils' advocate for a minute- Does your mum make an effort as well? I know she is vision impaired but does she ring? Can she get you or your sister to write a card and send a little package to her grandchildren? If she does then that is great and it's totally up to your brother to make more of an effort. If she doesn't but is capable of ringing and speaking to them then maybe she should. It must be very unfair for her but she can still be a presence in their lives. Also, do you think your brother is less than encouraging so SIL doesn't feel the need to bother?

  10. #19
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    Default Is it Ok for the child just to know ONE set of grandparents?

    My daughter only knows my parents in law as her nanny and poppy. This is due to my own parents being too lazy to drive 1hr to come see her.
    We used to go back to visit all the time but we eventually got sick of having to be the ones all ways travelling.

  11. #20
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    My DH family live in Ireland. MIL generally can get out here once a year - but FIL is in a wheel chair so much harder to come over.

    We do make an effort with skype, phone calls, photos and facebook. But its not the same as going to Nana's for a sleepover etc.

    I think its sad for my kids that they are short on family close by. I never had the big extended family around when I was a kid and feel like I missed out.


 

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