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  1. #1
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    Default Is it Ok for the child just to know ONE set of grandparents?

    My brother lives in another state and has two little ones. He and his wife are very close to HER(my SIL's) family. Her parents are young and they are able to take care of their grandchildren. They spend a lot of time together and are able to babysit when my brother and his wife need a break. My mum lives in NSW and doesnt really know the children - mainly due to distance but my SIL doesnt have anything to do with my mum. There is nothing wrong with my mum, only that she is much older and spends a lot of time at home due to her poor vision(has visual impairment). Christmas came and went and she received no card or photos from my brother and his wife. My older sister duplicates the photos of the children and sends them to mum(enlarged) My brother phones mum once and every two months and it is usually a 10 minute call. His wife prefers it if the children know HER family but we are not so important. Is it important for them to know both? I feel sad for my mum but I know I cant change my SIL...

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    Sounds like a sad situation as there is really no reason for the kids not to know your mother, except for distance.

    As for the main question, yeah its fine for kids to know just one set. DS wouldnt know FOB mother if he passed her in the shops and Id be surprised if she would notice him either. She was heavily in our lives for a while after DS was born but FOB chose to distance himself from his mother and so DS was distanced. She made no attempt to see him so it didnt seem to matter.

    Now DS has my DPs family as his kind of second set of grandparents, though he calls them by their names and not nanna/grandma/grandpa/pop etc.

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    Default Re: Is it Ok for the child just to know ONE set of grandparents?

    Well in answer to the title, it depends on circumstances. My children know dps parents and their respective partners and my dad. They do not know my mum, but that's a discussion for another day.

    As for the situation you've described I don't think that's fair. It sounds like your sil has succeeded in pushing out your mum and your brother hasn't done much to stop that.

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    Default Is it Ok for the child just to know ONE set of grandparents?

    Living interstate from family really hinders the relationship between children and extended family.

    My brother makes no effort with me and I don't think it should be up to my SIL to make an effort.

    My sister and I talk and text but she spends a lot of time with her in laws and my brother so their kids see each other all the time.

    When my nieces and nephews were little, I'm sure they had no idea who I was and to some extent didn't know my parents either. My parents try to go and visit at least once a year but my sister hasn't brought her kids up here in over 6 years. Her son has never been to visit us.

    The reality is that traveling with kids is expensive. There's no point in me getting upset about my family not visiting much because its expensive - I can't afford to travel to see them and they can't afford to travel to see us.

    In this case, I don't think your SIL is to blame unless she has actually said 'I don't want you to see your family'.

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    Depends on the circumstances. In yours, I'd be giving my brother a good slap as it's his responsibility to ensure that his side of the family knows his children. If SIL objects then it's an issue for you all to address...as a family.

    I never knew either grandparents and I can tell you that, for me, this was a HUGE loss and something my child will never have to endure even though I could cheerfully knock them all off at times. But that's an issue between me and them, not my child. I accept that a healthy bond between child and grandparent is a precious one.

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    Default Is it Ok for the child just to know ONE set of grandparents?

    I have such a wonderful relationship with my maternal grandparents I'm almost glad I didn't have paternal ones to be shared around with. BUT I think if there are grandparents on both sides, then yes, a relationship should be encouraged. But that will always be different depending on the parents relationship with their parents, distance and probably a lot of other factors.

    My aunt moved back to Sydney to give her kids the chance to experience grandparents the way their cousins do with my nan.

    We will definitely encourage a relationship with our kids and both sides of the family, but that won't be very hard anyway as we all live 10 mins from each other.

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    Default Is it Ok for the child just to know ONE set of grandparents?

    This is really sad but I don't see how its the SIL's fault? Your brother is capable of making more contact or sending your mum photos if he wanted to? It's not her fault that her parents live nearby and see the kids a lot.

    I do feel for you, and I can somewhat relate as all my family lives in the UK so hardly ever see DS. It's really hard.

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    Default Is it Ok for the child just to know ONE set of grandparents?

    I agree that it's your brother who needs to make it happen though, I don't think it's SILs fault that he rarely contacts his mum.

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    As pp's have said there is more than your SIL in this equation. Your brother could organise to skype your mum or phone, send letters, pictures. It's up to him to get your mum involved. Has your mum let him and your SIL know how she feels?

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    Default Is it Ok for the child just to know ONE set of grandparents?

    [QUOTE=happy wanderer;7031262]Depends on the circumstances. In yours, I'd be giving my brother a good slap as it's his responsibility to ensure that his side of the family knows his children. If SIL objects then it's an issue for you all to address...as a family.
    [\QUOTE]

    Pretty much this. As much as I love my inlaws (most of the time) I consider it up to DF to update/keep updated with his family. I wouldn't expect him to contact my mother unless it was an emergency situation and I was unable to.

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