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  1. #21
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    Default What does/did your husband do to help?

    DP is an absolute gem. DD is 5 months old and he still does the majority of things around the house as well as working full time. We have used cloth exclusively since birth and I would guess I've done less than 10 loads of nappies since she was born. He does 90% of the cooking, and a good 50% of the cleaning.

    In the early days he wouldn't leave the room without first filling up my water bottle and seeing if I needed any snacks etc. He would get up at 5am with her almost every day so I could get a bit of quiet sleep until she needed a feed and would get up and just sit with me during the night while she fed and I cried lol.

    When she was 3 weeks old I had a PPH and spent 4 nights in hospital. On top of cleaning up all of my blood and lemon sized clots that were through the house, he didn't leave my side for the 4 days we were in hospital. He showered me, changed my pads, held DD to my breast when I couldn't do it myself, expressed for me, fed me and walked the corridors with DD in the ergo pretty much constantly so I could sleep.

    While I think he is so amazing he doesn't see how much he does for us as anything special because he considers being home with a 5 month old all day every day to be a much harder job than his. I'm also feeding/soothing her many, many times through the night still and I don't get a chance to nap through the day which he knows can be tough so he tries to let me chill out as much he can when he is home.

    I think I'm very lucky, not because I expect men to be anything less than wonderful but just because I've met someone with whom I make a great team. We really appreciate what the other does.

  2. #22
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    LifeInShadesOfGrey is offline Just a little bit silly :)
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    Default What does/did your husband do to help?

    So many helpful partners

    When we first brought DD home, DP could only have 2 days off. So I got little help. He was very tired as was I. He did what he could when he could but it certainly wasn't my share and his.

    He was and is a great dad however and he does what he can. He works long hours and 5-6 days a week. He is often quite tired and hardly gets time to sit down. But he still helps with chores and looking after DD.

  3. #23
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    Default What does/did your husband do to help?

    DH totally amazed me when our DD was born. In the hospital he would take her for walks so I could rest. As soon as we got home I was sent to bed so I could sleep while he looked after her, he only woke me for dinner he was so supportive of me wanting to breastfeed, bringing me snacks and water at every feed. And when I told him it hurt too bad and I wanted to quit he went and got me nipple shields which saved our breastfeeding relationship.
    He was off work for 4 weeks after she was born and every morning he would make me breakfast and tidy up without being asked. He also changed and burped her through the night. When he went back to work he always made sure I had some sandwichs and snacks in the fridge.
    Gosh it sounds like I did nothing at all when she was a newborn lol. I definitely didnt expect all of that from him, was a very pleasant suprise!

  4. #24
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    Default What does/did your husband do to help?

    After DS1 was born DH took 1 month off work. I had an emergency c section so helped a lot by doing the washing, vacuumed the house, cooked dinner, bathing DS1 etc etc...

    Then after DS2 was born I had an elective C section DH took 2 months off work. He helped by being able to tend to DS1 being an active toddler taking him to the park. Bathing both the kids while I healed, cooked dinner when I was to sore, doing washing etc. DH helped me so much and is very hands on

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    DH did as much (if not more) than me the first two weeks when he was off work nappy changes, baths, night feeds. Even after he went back to work he still helped with night feeds. I was lucky enough to have my parents say with us for 12 weeks too, so they were doing all the housework/cooking too. That makes it sound like I did nothing now!

  6. #26
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    Quote Originally Posted by emmasfirst View Post
    I think he's changed maybe 5 nappies in the 12 weeks since bub was born.
    Haha that's more than double the amount of nappies my husband has changed in 3 years

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    I was getting jealous of all the helpful hands-on hubbies, so wanted to put a different experience in the thread. It's going to sound worse than it really is.

    DH hasn't done a single nappy or bottle. He will sometimes mostly cook dinner, but usually only does the meat and forgets about the veg, or gets it to a point where I "only" have to finish cooking it.

    The babies and I sleep in a different room so that I can get some sleep, not so that he can. His breathing can get so noisy that it was waking me up in between feeds. Unfortunately, this sleeping arrangement is somewhat dangerous as he may need a tracheostomy suction, or perhaps dysreflexia dealt with, and be unable to rouse me from another room.

    He said he would vacuum part of the house each day - mostly so all the hair I started loosing when bubs were 3 months old wouldn't destroy the bearings in his wheelchair wheels (again) - but he hasn't done it once since then.

    He has bought formula and nappies a couple of times.

  8. #28
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    FearlessLeader is offline Winner 2013 - Most Memorable Thread
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    DP and i see it like this: while there are small children in the house we both pretty much work 24/7. So while he's off at work, i am at home working. That means when he walks in the door the workload gets split 50/50. We both get to "knock off" at around 9.30 when both kids are well and truly sound asleep. During the nights i do all the feeds and he does all the re-settling, so we both "work" around 2 hours a night- many nights he gets off because DD usually goes straight back to sleep after a feed.

    That said, if one of us needs a break, the other picks up the slack. So if i've had a horrible day with the kids, he sends me to have a nap/long shower/out with friends while he takes care of everything, if he's had a horrible day at work i do the same for him. I think the trouble that you guys might be having now, OP, is that you both need a break and are both not coping. I can see how your DH could be really stressed- long hours, new job. It can be very stressful. But of course so is being a full time parent of a newborn. In these cases i think either BOTH parties need to suck it up and get on with it, and try to give each other tiny breaks where you can. Asking him to do 2 bottles is not at all unreasonable, IMO. Maybe you need to negotiate a schedule so you can both see that you're each getting down time. Like, maybe you need him to help out as soon as he's home, but say she feeds at 8- you will have her 7-9 so he can have a nice long 2 hour break, then he takes over at 9 so you can get a nice solid sleep before the next feed (well solid for a new mum ) I would also look inot getting some outside help at least for a little while, while DH settles into his new job and DD gets a bit bigger and stronger.

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    Default What does/did your husband do to help?

    The only thing my DH didn't do was feeding - and that's because he couldn't breastfeed! But he used to get up when I was really tired at night and bring DD to me for feeding! Not
    So much now with DD2 but DD1 keeps him busy! When he's home it's pretty much 50/50.

  10. #30
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    Default What does/did your husband do to help?

    Whether DF classes what he does as 'help' or just parenting depends on his mood & how tired he is! He does his share when he has the energy but if not he'll acknowledge that he's been lax & make up for it over the weekend.


 

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