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  1. #11
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    Default What does/did your husband do to help?

    Quote Originally Posted by Tamtam View Post
    So interesting. My DH is great, usually. Ever since we were married he always brought me breakfast in bed, we shared house cleaning etc etc. for the first six weeks of bubs life (with a two week stay in hospital for her at 4weeks) he was awesome. Bathed, fed (if she was having a bottle top up not bf obviously) changed etc. in fact, for the first four weeks I probably only changed a handful of nappies.
    But... Now he's started a new job and barely notices DD exists and expects to sleep in a different room so he gets sleep and generally has slacked off. All because of this new job. It's like he's been switched out for another person!! Lol. Funny because when we discussed babies he always was willing to help out.
    I gather your DHs still helped even when working..?? My DH is basically working 12 hour days maybe I'm expecting too much then??
    I don't think so!

    My DH worked 12 hour days 6 days a week up until DD was 1. then still 12 hours days but only 5 days a week.

    He still has a very busy work schedule but does bed time every night, he is the one that gets upto her during the night (only wants dad for the last few months)

    I appreciate all the hard work my DH does to allow me to be a SAHM but I work bloody hard at home too and he realises that thankfully so has always been very willing to help once he is home.

  2. #12
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    Once DH went back to work (after our second. Struggling to remember with our first), he slept separately while I slept in our room with DD2. I'm fine with it - if dd2 is really unsettled and cries at night, he will come in and help settle. Whe he home from work, he bathes her and does whatever I ask him to do. He says that because I spend so much more time with her and i know the routine better anyone else, I need tell him what needs to get done - eg. One day she might not have slept well during the day so I have to let him know that so we can adjust bath and sleep time accordingly. He's totally fine withi me telling him what to do (nicely of course) when he gets home from work.
    On the weekends, he loves spending time with her and will take her in the mornings, change nappies, etc. whenever we go out, he's always in charge of her - minus the boob of course.
    Hubby works 2 jobs - one full time normal office hours and also is a personal trainer after hours and on weekends so I try to let him get as much rest during the week.... I try to nap during the day if I've had a bad night.

  3. #13
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    My DH does a lot with our children. He works 12 hour shifts, 4 on and then 4 off. Baths, bed, housework, occupying them if I'm trying to get things done. He does breakfast and lunch when he is off or coming off a night shift. He also gets up during the night.
    im very greatful for how involved he is but he does know how 'trying' the girls can be and sometimes I don't cope the best so he does the best he can.
    maybe your DH just needs time to settle into his new job and then you'll have him back!

  4. #14
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    Default What does/did your husband do to help?

    So I'm not expecting too much. It's weird because I have never been the person who had anything to complain about with my hubby. I mean he's not perfect but always has put me first. As I said breakfast in bed was the norm, he rush out on Sunday morning but the paper and coffee and bring it to me, do the housework etc. always cleans up after dinner, does washing etc.
    when we discussed baby he was so excited etc. after her surgery on her heart two weeks ago he broke down and cried with relief when she sailed through it.... But now he sees anything to do with her as a chore. Like a task or shift he had to work. He gets no enjoyment from anytime spent with her. It makes me feel sad.
    I know she's a bit special (read serious heart condition and a possible scary syndrome too) but she's ours. I feed her etc not because its a chore but because I love her. I'm just not sure where his perspective shifted. I guess this is men being different.
    I even suggested counselling to talk about the issues-like perhaps he's struggling with news of the syndrome etc.
    problem is while he sorts his head out I'm getting thoroughly exhausted. She feeds every two hours pretty much and due to her heart condition and recovery from open heart surgery I give her a bottle of fortified ebm. So in addition to giving her a bottle I'm pumping exclusively. Breastfeeding is too taxing on her little heart.
    All I'm asking is he do a bottle at about 10 ish or one in the morning so I can get sleep. I haven't actually slept more than about two hours in a long time, a very long time!!!
    I miss my old husband who was loving and attentive and sensitive!!!
    Ok... That turned into a bit of a vent!!!

  5. #15
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    Mine continues to go to work and make a wage that helps to support all of us. I do everything else and also go to work part time. Now that the kids are a bit older he is good at playing with them and keeping them occupied while I do other things around the house, but as far as the actual parenting goes, it's all me - and when my newborn arrives in May that will be all me. But DH will be good at keeping the older 2 occupied while I'm busy with bub. I'll still be doing all the bathing and feeding and putting to bed and nappy changes and night wake ups.

  6. #16
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    Default What does/did your husband do to help?

    My DH did flying fly out with our daughter so it was me no matter what when he was away but when he was home he was great he took the 'nightshift' for a few days so I could sleep solidly and try catch up he was always involved and helped anyway he could

  7. #17
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    Default What does/did your husband do to help?

    When we brought bubs home DH would share the nappy changes, settling, generally holding bub, staying with him while I cooked or ducked to the shops etc. While you are breastfeeding you tend to do most for bub as you are do tied to them and its doesnt make sense for both of us to get up through the night when you have to feed anyway. We slept our bub in our bed but DH can tune out easy. I must say that these days DH seems to do less... and only does the following if I ask: change nappy, feed him (i prepare it or he would live on bananas), baths, put to bed etc. he is excellent at playing with him though. DH has always been great at looking after our son (now 18mths) by himself though and does this often.

  8. #18
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    Wow, some of you girls have amazing husbands! I'm envious. My hubby definitely classes what he does as "help", rather than simply doing his share. I think he's changed maybe 5 nappies in the 12 weeks since bub was born. My mum stocked our freezer with dinners for the first couple of weeks and he even complained about having to heat them up! He works full time and is renovating our house on weekends so I give him a fair bit of slack but I'll be expecting him to be more hands-on once the house is done. He honestly thinks I just lie on the couch eating tim tams all day, he has no idea what is actually required to keep a baby happy and a house running.

  9. #19
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    Default What does/did your husband do to help?

    DH was wonderful. He did all the housework, cooking and woke up at nights when DS woke for a feed and change nappy after the feed and when needing settling if DS didn't want a feed as I BF.

    I can't say he enjoys changing nappies, and really neither do I, but he did that too.

    I think there was only one night where he slept in the other room when he really needed sleep for work.

    I just took on a bit more as I could.

    DS is 9 months now and we just help each other. His main tasks are doing the washing and bins but he also does other tasks whenever. I'd say he cooks 3-4 times a week, prepared his own lunches and helps me clean when I've had a stressful day.

    Love him to bits!

  10. #20
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    I didn't really need any help from him tbh, because my baby was quite easy to cope with.

    If were to have a baby now, I'd expect DP to help by attending to my daughter (aged 7.5) if she needed assistance and I was busy. I'd want him to perhaps wash the baby, change nappies etc. I'd be doing the feeding, as I'd be breastfeeding. Even if I wasn't, if he was working and I wasn't, I wouldn't expect him to get up to it... just so long as he understood that housework would often be put aside so I could catch up on sleep while the baby was sleeping.


 

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