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  1. #21
    OJandMe's Avatar
    OJandMe is offline I am the strength my children will have.
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    Default Update

    She's very confused and was really upset yesterday. It's extremely difficult for her to try and come to terms that in order to try and 'fix' this problem and get her life back, it means going against her Aunty... that's something that is NOT what happens generally in Pinay families. The Aunty has as much authority as the mother.

    Anyway... she asked me what I thought. I said that if she really wants to be happy she needs to think about HER future... she aunty has a life, has a fmaliy, has a job and a house and a husband here already... but my friends happiness is based in Manila, with her partner. I told her that if she wants a future she needs to talk to HIM and make decisions with HIM, NOT her aunty, but him.

    I got a message from her late last night saying she has spoken with her partner- and she seemed in a good mood, her facebook posts this morning have been positive- so I'm hoping that she now has his support- has been able to explain the situation, and together work out a solution.

    I've found out she can cancel her spouse visa application (at the moment she is on a temporary marriage visa) and apply for a bridging visa with permission to work due to financial hardship in order to make a arrangements to leave Australia. That would be the easiest and least disruptive way for her.

    If she cancels her spouse visa- stating the relationship has failed because she was unaware of the extent of her husbands disability, and he is unable to provide a stable financial future for her and her children, as well as critical personality differences and excessive anxiety caused by the situation in which she is being forced to take on the position of his carer, which she was unaware of prior to living with him- and irreparable communication difficulties caused by the language barrier and his inability to comprehend because of his intellectual disability.

    I don't know much about annulment. She'll have to talk to BDM about that. But at least if things are out in the open with her partner, they can work through it.

    I'll let you know what happens.

  2. #22
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    Default friend in sticky situation... re: immigration/arranged marriage/unhappy

    Gee what are his disabilities? Honestly this aunt of hers sounds a bit like a fixer, I completely understand wanting to come to a "better" country and get the compromises that go with arranged marriage but this situation is terrible she should have been told about the person she was going to be with. I hope she didn't have to eh hmm consume the marriage.

  3. #23
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    I just read last night on the immigration site that they have changed the laws as there was a concern immigrants were staying in abusive relationships so they didnt have to leave the.country.
    Sorry if this was already posted, phone is being a pain!

  4. #24
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    OJandMe is offline I am the strength my children will have.
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    He (I'll call him T) fell off a tractor when he was 17 and has an intellectual impairment from that.

    Her aunt is family friends with the neighbours of T's parents.

    T's parents are elderly, and were caring for him- they knew my friends Aunt through the neighbours and suggested the match.

    She always thought T was nice enough, it was only once my friend was over here and actually sharing a house with him that it was realised how bad his impairment is. Her aunt keeps saying 'be patient, be patient- just wait two years" as her aunt was first married to a violent man in Australia, but left him after two years and has met and married someone she is really happy with. She keeps telling my friend that she should do the same.

    Now that my friend has spoken to her boyfriend, her next step will be to talk to her Aunty and tell her that it's not worth it- that the kids will have a better life in the Philippines with a mother who is HAPPY- and a stable family, rather than in Australia. There is nothing stopping the kids coming back to stay with the aunt and attend university here anyway...

    *sigh* it's so messy!

    ETA: T is 47, my friend is 31.
    Last edited by OJandMe; 23-01-2013 at 13:03.

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    Why can't her bf send her money to buy tickets home? He could get them a house and private school for the kids so I assume that he could afford buying her tickets? Then she can just go home and sort out cancelling spouse visa from there or just leave it if she doesn't want to come back to Ausatralia.

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    Default friend in sticky situation... re: immigration/arranged marriage/unhappy

    Im starting to feel sorry for the guy 'T'

    So he has a disability and this is not fair on your friend because she didnt realise. But it doesn't sound like 'T' is abusing your friend??
    Maybe she should talk to her husband and tell him she wants to go home she isn't happy living in Aus. He might be a nice person? Just with a disability.

    Also she can work now on her spouse visa.. So why doesn't she and save up like someone said. Do some cash jobs.. Wouldn't take long to get the fare up and tell her husband she is leaving

  7. The Following User Says Thank You to pisang For This Useful Post:

    lovesushi  (23-01-2013)


 

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