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  1. #1
    OJandMe's Avatar
    OJandMe is offline I am the strength my children will have.
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    Default friend in sticky situation... re: immigration/arranged marriage/unhappy

    I have a new friend,

    A gorgeous Filipina lady who was coerced by her Aunty into marrying an Australian.

    She was pressured into is as she is a single mum with 2 little boys and her Aunty kept saying that life would be better for them in Australia..

    Her Aunty was family friends with this guys family, and she kept telling my friend how nice he is and blah blah blah.

    Well.. she came over and married him... and is miserable.

    I feel so badly for her.

    She also left behind a really nice boyfriend in the Philippines who she really loves and who really loves her. But it's so hard for her because of the pressure from her Aunty to come to Australia as the kids would have a better future here. Her Aunty doesn't know about her pinay boyfriend, and her boyfriend doesn't know about her marriage here.

    She wants to leave the guy she married- he has a disability and the only reason his family wanted her to marry him was so they didn't have the responsibility of caring for him.

    Does anyone know much about visas and things?

    She just wants to go home, but needs to get the money for a ticket. So she wants to cancel the spouse visa and apply for a working visa or ANYTHING just so she can work, to get back home.

    My heart just breaks for her. She feels awful about the whole situation, and doesn't know how to explain it to her boyfriend. He thinks she's over here working, and just wants her to come home so he can marry her.

    She wants to marry him too! But has been pressured into this stupid 'marriage' by her aunty who keeps saying "just be patient- wait 2 years and then you can get residency and the kids can stay here". She can't stand the guy, can't talk to him because of his disability, he yells and swears all the time.

    I wish there was some way I could turn back time for her and say to her aunty 'no'.

    She didn't tell her aunty about her boyfriend, because she already has two children from when she was younger, and she didn't want to get in trouble with her family for having another boyfriend. He (her boyfriend) was waiting on a pending divorce from his first wife- and that has come through now, so he just says to her "let me know when you are coming back and I can get a house for us and the boys (including his son who he has custody of) and book them into a private school."

    Sorry for the rant.. but I feel so bad for her.

    Does anyone have any info about the whole visa thing? It's really hard for her because of the language barrier and the family pressure to know what to do. She doesn't think she can get a working visa as she is unskilled, and she can work on a spouse visa, but she needs to work to get the money for the tickets back... and wants to cancel her spouse visa.

    Advise please???

  2. #2
    Mod-Myztik's Avatar
    Mod-Myztik is offline ADMINISTRATOR
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    Default friend in sticky situation... re: immigration/arranged marriage/unhappy

    Could she speak to a family law person and see if there is a way to anul (?) the marriage? Explain it was done under pressure etc? Or is there an embassy type thing she could speak to? Poor thing

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    Default Re: friend in sticky situation... re: immigration/arranged marriage/unhappy

    Double post
    Last edited by atomicmama; 22-01-2013 at 17:16.

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    Default Re: friend in sticky situation... re: immigration/arranged marriage/unhappy

    That sounds like a horrible situation and unfortunately would happen too often.

    I know nil about visas and the legalities of them, but surely she could ask to have her visa revoked and be sent home with the ticket paid for. There has to be some way that is possible?

    Wishing her the best of luck

  5. #5
    Gothel's Avatar
    Gothel is offline Skip the drama, stay with Mama!
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    Default Re: friend in sticky situation... re: immigration/arranged marriage/unhappy

    Can she talk to immigration? If her ultimate aim us to get home, they may be able to help. They will have interpreters. Poor woman.

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    Default friend in sticky situation... re: immigration/arranged marriage/unhappy

    I'd contact the immigration department.

    If she married under 'false pretences' and got a visa that way I am sure they would be able to advise her how to leave the marriage and have it annulled.

  7. #7
    Gothel's Avatar
    Gothel is offline Skip the drama, stay with Mama!
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    Default Re: friend in sticky situation... re: immigration/arranged marriage/unhappy

    Another double post!

  8. #8
    OJandMe's Avatar
    OJandMe is offline I am the strength my children will have.
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    Yeah, once I have the net back on (moved house and using a stupid USB modem) I"ll get her over one day when the kids are in school and we'll have a look at all the options.
    She needs to contact immigration and cancel her spouse visa, as well as look into how to get the marriage annulled or to apply for a divorce.

    She's petrified about how to explain the whole situation to her boyfriend. She is living with the Australian guy, but purely in the position of a 'carer' she has her own room and everything, so he is staying faithful to commitment to her boyfriend.. but doesn't know how to explain it to him.

    I wish I had his address so I could write to him and explain it for her, how much pressure her aunty puts on her, how she doesn't want him to have the burden of supporting her and her sons, how she loves him and is faithful to him and wants to come home, how she is just trying to do the best possible thing for her kids, to ensure THEY have a chance at a good future, even at the expense of sacrificing her own happiness.

    It's so unfair.

    We are so lucky to live in a country where it's possible to be a single Mum and for our kids to still have a chance, to have an education and a university qualification, to have access to health care and support systems.

    I can't even imagine having to make a decision like that.

    Stay in your country and just make it by, maybe the kids will finish school- OR
    Come to Australia and the kids can have access to health care and quality schooling and university.... but you'll be miserable.

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    I think before she makes any real decisions about going back she needs to talk to her boyfriend, there is a real chance that he might not want her back.

  10. #10
    Oblena's Avatar
    Oblena is offline I've done it in public and I'll do it again - I don't care who sees!
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    If she tells immigration it's a 'scam' marriage would she be deported - therefore be sent home at no cost to her?


 

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