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  1. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by ElleB View Post
    Thanks, I discovered that PDF book earlier tonight in my google travels.

    He wants 3-4 times a week overnight (I'm sure to get out of child support because it will be a big amount) and obviously it's a pride thing because I've made the decision to leave and he doesn't want it.

    He's generally a good guy and I'm not so much leaving him but leaving his DD who lives here 12 nights per fortnight. It's been a really long, hard road and the past 4 months have honestly been a nightmare! To be honest, I don't even know how we've conceived another one!!

    I do wish to breast feed but I didn't get nearly enough for DD so when she came home from NICU it was just bottles. I'm hoping that going full term will help with that.


    Pesca - I hope you're doing well being 32 weeks!

    Here's to my first night sleeping on the couch lol.
    I suppose he wants her nights because it fits in with his work schedule? How convenient fir him.

    Even if he did get (what seems to be) 50% custody - he'd have to include the days too and that probably won't work into his plans at all if he works full-time.

    I was single as well when DS was born and there's NO way I would have allowed such an arrangement even if I hadn't have BF (I BF for 10 months). Young babies need one stable living environment, but he should of course visit regularly, take her to the park, pram walks etc.

    DS is 2 now and I feel much more comfortable with him staying at his dads, but only one night at a time still at this stage although its usually just day visits still. He's happy to go and knows daddy well now so that gives me peace of mind.

  2. #12
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    Default Parenting Plans: Suitable for under 1's and not born yets

    Quote Originally Posted by MeetTheBluths View Post
    I suppose he wants her nights because it fits in with his work schedule? How convenient fir him.

    Even if he did get (what seems to be) 50% custody - he'd have to include the days too and that probably won't work into his plans at all if he works full-time.
    .
    This is an excellent point. If as you suspect he is doing this to reduce CS, he needs to realise that would mean he has her for the days AND nights.

    But I strongly believe that's way too much for a newborn or under 1. I agree with PP, babies need security and stability - but regular contact is also important to form the bond.

    I should clarify my earlier post - DS does see his Dad every weekend, but currently they have mainly been day visits. We are slowly working up to regular overnight visits.

    Good luck with the b/f OP, I'm sure having your DD in the NICU would not have been easy. Hopefully this time around is a better experience.

  3. #13
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    Default Parenting Plans: Suitable for under 1's and not born yets

    Thanks ladies.

    He actually yelled at me today "Why the f*** should I pay you nearly $3000 a month just because you say they are too young for sleepovers". God I wish I had recorded it. *sigh*

    Things get ugly quickly don't they?!

  4. #14
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    Default Parenting Plans: Suitable for under 1's and not born yets

    Quote Originally Posted by ElleB View Post
    Thanks ladies.

    He actually yelled at me today "Why the f*** should I pay you nearly $3000 a month just because you say they are too young for sleepovers". God I wish I had recorded it. *sigh*

    Things get ugly quickly don't they?!
    Oh that's a real shame, you don't need that stress while pregnant. Yes things can turn ugly fast sadly.

    May I suggest you switch to email communication from now where possible? That way you don't have to put up with the verbal abuse, but also have a record of anything silly he decides to say.

    Also if push comes to shove, get yourself a lawyer, or forward your ex the details from CS website that confirms the recommended visitation schedule for age groups. I would seriously doubt any court would willingly give the fob 50% for a newborn.

  5. #15
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    Hi I hope you don't mind me posting in this section...I was not with DD1s dad when she born. He visited her at my house once a week for an hour usually. Short periods of time were enough when she was so little because she needed mum.
    when she was 11 months we went to mediation and he started having her by himself for a couple of hours and it wasn't until she was 2 that she started spending 1 night a fortnight and then when she was 3 it went to one night a week.

    there is no way I would have or would ever agree to 50/50 especially with children so young. a court would never give 50/50 where a newborn was involved.

    Unfortunately the fact that he will have to pay such a substantial amount of child support will probably influence his desire to have the children more. My ex has to pay $72 a week and only pays $65 which he begrudges.

    Good on you for making a brave and tough decision xx

    oh and a parenting plan can include pretty much anything so you can stipulate you'd like him to use the mcn.

  6. #16
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    I forgot to say I agree with Pesca, document everything because like you said things can get ugly very fast

  7. #17
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    My son has just turned one and he goes to his father's house 4 nights a fortnight. I guess it might be different in our case that he was the SAHD early on, so is very capable of caring for him. It's really tough getting him back tho as his sleep goes to ****e when he's not with me. Kids need routine and they don't get that when they are with their dad but I guess if I don't allow it now the same problem will happen whenever the shared care commences.


 

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