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  1. #1
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    Default Parenting Plans: Suitable for under 1's and not born yets

    Does anyone have any "fair" suggestions for a parenting plan for a 10mth old?

    I'm a SAHM and her dad works but has an "easy" workload so can be free most afternoons. However I would like my DD to have minimal contact with her 1/2 sister. Is that even possible?!

    After mid-year it will be a newborn and 14/15 month old.

    I know all about getting a plan in place, just not sure what's "fair" at such a young age.

    I guess the only plus in going through this is I've supported DH through his last one so I know how he and his family "play". :/

  2. #2
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    I think short periods only, and fairly regular like once or twice a week is good. Were you together when DD was born (has she lived with him up until now)?

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    Default Parenting Plans: Suitable for under 1's and not born yets

    Yes we were together when she was born. We are currently living together, however it's all come to a head today so I'll be moving out within the week. DD was also born 3 months prem.

    He sees her every day but has never changed a poo nappy (or washed them as we use cloth), can I stipulate that cloth be used? He gives her a shower in the evenings and that's basically his involvement in her day-to-day life. He doesn't really do night time duty (however she mainly sleeps through). The longest I've been away from her is 1.5hrs and that's been when she's been asleep. :/

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    When I was splitting up with DD's Dad, I was told that shorter, more frequent visits were better for a toddler rather than, say, an overnight visit once a fortnight. So something like - 1-2 hours, three afternoons a week would be good.

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    when my ex was going through this with a newborn his solicitor and the mothers solicitor told both of them the first 12 months are critical bonding time. he was given access with the mother present every second day. babies forget quickly if no regular contact happens. very little about the actual care of the child will be relevant as long as the dad is capable. its tough.

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    Default Parenting Plans: Suitable for under 1's and not born yets

    Thanks.

    I was thinking shorter, frequent visits but of course he's demanding every weekend like he originally had with his first DD. Fortunately I'm nothing like his ex and I'm not agreeing to that. Also there's no way that would work for soon-to-be which is what DH is also saying. *sigh*

    I suspect we'll be in mediation soon enough.

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    Default Parenting Plans: Suitable for under 1's and not born yets

    Sorry just read this and I don't understand how dad's expect to have babies for weekends every couple of weeks... They're babies they need mum! If he's a half decent man he will agree to few hours every day or couple of days which is definitely best for babies!!!

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    Default Parenting Plans: Suitable for under 1's and not born yets

    Quote Originally Posted by ElleB View Post
    Thanks.

    I was thinking shorter, frequent visits but of course he's demanding every weekend like he originally had with his first DD. Fortunately I'm nothing like his ex and I'm not agreeing to that. Also there's no way that would work for soon-to-be which is what DH is also saying. *sigh*

    I suspect we'll be in mediation soon enough.
    Will you be b/f? If so then he certainly can't expect every weekend anyway.

    My DH recently left with no warning, I have a 16mth old and I'm 32wks pregnant. He is very well aware that the newborn will not be far from me for a long time because his boobs don't work, thankfully he understands.

    It does mean though I'll have to put up with seeing him regularly when he comes here to see bub (if he even wants to, that part is currently debatable). Whilst we are amicable, I don't particularly want to see that much of him! But I know it's important for my children to bond with him.

    DS 16mths has just started spending 1 night every 2-3 weeks, so far he's coping fine with that. We will eventually build that up to 1 night each weekend. ExDH now lives right around the corner so I'm more comfortable with him staying overnight there now.

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    At 10 months, DD's dad saw her every week or so, and I was there. I'm friends with FOB and his wife though, so it was more of a friendly catch up with her. Then at about 12 months I started to leave her there for a few hours every second weekend, like about 6 hours, and then they'd bring her back to me. At 14 months I got really sick with gastro one weekend and she ended up staying overnight as I was too sick to look after her. She coped brilliantly, and ever since then she's stayed every second weekend from Saturday morning to Sunday 5pm (she's now 15 months old). It's all been done at a pace that I have been comfortable with, and DD has coped so very well.

    There's a PDF booklet you can download from the CSA called "Me, My Ex and My Kids" (google it). It has guidelines on suitable access arrangements for different ages.

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  11. #10
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    Default Parenting Plans: Suitable for under 1's and not born yets

    Thanks, I discovered that PDF book earlier tonight in my google travels.

    He wants 3-4 times a week overnight (I'm sure to get out of child support because it will be a big amount) and obviously it's a pride thing because I've made the decision to leave and he doesn't want it.

    He's generally a good guy and I'm not so much leaving him but leaving his DD who lives here 12 nights per fortnight. It's been a really long, hard road and the past 4 months have honestly been a nightmare! To be honest, I don't even know how we've conceived another one!!

    I do wish to breast feed but I didn't get nearly enough for DD so when she came home from NICU it was just bottles. I'm hoping that going full term will help with that.


    Pesca - I hope you're doing well being 32 weeks!

    Here's to my first night sleeping on the couch lol.


 

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