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  1. #11
    MuminMind's Avatar
    MuminMind is offline Bubhub Award Winner - 2011- Most Helpful Member, Member I'd Most Like To Meet, Most Community Minded Thread, Best Potential Moderator and Newbie of the Year Awards
    BH Advocate - PND & AND
    Join Date
    Aug 2011
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    I so sorry to hear that you are going through this, Alone and confused.

    I don't have to reply in length just yet, but I a going through a very similar situation at the moment and will share my advice and experience later.

    in the meantime, take care of yourself.
    Last edited by MuminMind; 22-01-2013 at 19:07.

  2. #12
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 postsRuby Star - 15,000 postsDiamond Star - 20,000 posts
    You'll need to talk to Centrelink about the situation as soon as possible. You may be able to claim Single Parenting Payment while you're still living together, but you will need to alert your friends and family to the situation first, as the will need to confirm that you are, in fact, not living together as a couple, and can't just go by what you say... they'll probably ask for names/numbers of friends so they can double check. They might do this even if you actually leave and THEN claim.

    I'm sure it's acceptable for a landlord to boot you on the basis that you're single either, unless of course it means you cannot afford to live there any longer.

    It sounds like it's kind of awful to be living there with him anyway, so is there any chance you can move in with anyone temporarily? Tell your ex you need some money because you cannot leave with not a single dollar to your name, and that Centrelink will take its time giving you money (it took 3 weeks from the day I left - which was the same day I claimed - to actually getting anything at all). It meant I was financially reliant on my mother for a while. My ex was unwilling to give me any money for me to leave, so I just had whatever pathetic amount was already in my account (it would have been less than $300). The good news is they do backpay from the date you claim, but obviously that doesn't help while you're broke.

  3. #13
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    huge hugs, if it makes you feel any more "normal"...i broke down and sobbed when I called centrelink...they were very kind to me.

    OK, what happened for me:

    Called centrelink and then they explain the process. I had to call CSA in order to sort the support from ex so i could get full entitlement.

    Then, about 2 weeks later I had an interview with them...again i cried lol and the lady was really nice.

    They sort out single parent payment, FTB, rent assistance, health care card etc.

    Make sure once you get your health care card you speak to all your utility suppliers as some give discounts. Same for car rego and insurances.

    They cannot kick you out for being a single mum...rent assistance will help and you will be fine

    You do need 2 witnesses who are not related to you.

    As for what your sister says....expecting to be treated with kindness/love/respect is not being selfish. You are a role model for your kids and showing them that you will not accept poor treatment is such a wonderful gift...it will give them the courage to demand it from people in their lives and to also treat their future partners/friends with love and respect. If this was being selfish...it would be easy and feel wonderful...it doesn't. It is hard and it is heart breaking and it takes a massive amount of strength and self worth.

    Hang in there, there is an amazing life waiting for you just on the other side of this "hill"...and you are taking the first steps to claiming that life so be proud of yourself

  4. The Following User Says Thank You to River Song For This Useful Post:

    MuminMind  (23-01-2013)

  5. #14
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    Everyone's already given you good advice but I just wanted to say similar to RiverSong- When I did all my 'first' phonecalls... to Centrelink, CSA, LegalAid... all I got out was 'hello' and then I broke down in tears. They were all so lovely and understanding, and as one pointed out to me, they usually only hear from people when they are in crisis, so they are used to people being upset!!
    Similarly when I had my Centrelink interview I sobbed and sobbed. They brought me over to a more secluded table and had one staff member sit with me and get me a drink while the other gently continued the interview.

    Good luck and hugs.

  6. #15
    Join Date
    Jan 2013
    Thanks so much. We spoke again tonight, basically I told him I'm calling centrelink tomorrow and we need to make this official because I can't live like this. He doesn't know what he wants He's sick of us fighting (so am I) we're in different headspaces and we need some space and the kids can't see us upset and arguing all the time. There's too much built up anger and resentment that nothing we say now is going to fix.
    The only person I've been speaking to about our problems the last few months is my best friend on facebook. I think xdh has told his friend (because hes split up with his fiance too and they've been hanging out alot ) I don't really want to start calling people and say "hey this and that has been going on" ?
    His dad passed away a couple of months ago and his mum is sick, so he's decided not to burden her with this right now, but he will tell his brothers and sister what's been going on. I have to tell my parents, something I'm dreading, my mum will cry and get really worried and its why I've been avoiding it. I guess by everyone finding out it will now make it official. I'm not looking forward to the gossip and the questions, I just want to run and hide somewhere
    The other thing we talked about was counselling, but I'm not ready to talk about 'us' right now. I need to process how I feel, I'm still in shock, I want it to be ok, but at the same time I'm not going to just forget all the hurt and shi!t he puts me through which he admited tonight he's an arsole the way he treats me and realised a few things himself. Like it's weird, I feel like a big weight has been lifted and I'm almost at peace with the seperation, but then I think it would be so much easier for us to stay together because I don't want to deal with everything that's about to come.
    Does that make sense? I wish things were different.

    Sorry for the ramblings, it feels good to get this stuff out.

    Another quick question. With the inetrview, what questions do they ask? And how long did your appointment take? Did you take your kids in (worried mine will run wild in the office)

  7. #16
    Join Date
    Jan 2012
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts

    Default Confused and Alone

    How are you going today op?


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