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  1. #1
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    Default Confused and Alone

    I'm not really sure where to put this or where to start. I'm in need of advice and I'm abit lost.
    Me and my husband have been arguing since last year, we got into a big fight new years eve and haven't spoken since. The argument was quite verbal, not physical but it got to a point where he left the house (something he's never done before)
    I thought we would work it out, but it looks like it's going to be a permanent seperation. He's still here most days because he comes to see the kids, sometimes he sleeps on the couch and sometimes he goes to his parents to sleep. When he's here we don't really talk but are polite, when we do talk it ends in an argument, me crying and him walking away. Usually I apologise to him and suck up so we can stop fighting, this time I'm not doing it, I'm really really angry and I've had enough. Its just a big long list of things now and I'm sick of the way he treats me and his lack of respect.
    Because I don't work I've had to rely on him for money, he's changed his password to his account so I have to ask him for money. It's becoming degrading, he's not refusing but I have to tell him what I need, like basics, nappies, food, petrol and he's paying the rent (although its late so I have no idea if he will)
    I need to start thinking about what I'm going to do and how I'm going to support myself and my kids. He says he will help and I know he will, but I can't keep asking him for money and just for basics. I think I have to make it official, I've never seen him so distant and cold and I don't know how to make it better.
    I've been avoiding going to centrelink because I thought it would be over and we'd be ok, but now I think I have to. The thought makes me sick to my stomach, I don't think I'll be able to walk through the door, I can't even make the call without wanting to throw up. It makes it real.
    I have no idea if I'm entitled, what I will get, if they'll make me stay with him and keep asking him for money since he's still offering the basics. I'm scared I will lose the rental property because the landlord won't allow me to stay as a single mum. And worst of all, I haven't told anyone. My friends, parents don't even know we've sperated, I don't want to talk about it or get anyone involved because everyone will have something to say and I don't want to hear it. My sister has already called me selfish and said I have kids I need to work things out. But they don't know what I've had to live with over the years and there is only so much I can take. I'm depressed, I have anxiety and I just want help.

    If you got this far thanks for listening.

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    MuminMind  (22-01-2013)

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    Definately get yourself to Centrelink, sooner you do sooner you will start to get some money coming in.

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    Default Confused and Alone

    Yeah you need to call centrelink ASAP and let them know. From memory I also had to have a witness to verify we had officially separated on that date so you should probably tell someone.

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    Default Confused and Alone

    What hokey said - get to centre link so you can support yourself and the kids. If you've been a good tenant then I doubt the landlord will evict you simply for being a single mum.

    You need to have some sort of plan in regard to what time he spends with the kids. If you can't work it out between you then call family relationships australia and start the process of mediation.

    Centre link can't and won't 'make' you stay with him. No one can do that. You're an adult and it is your right to leave a relationship if that is what you choose to do.

    You won't have to register for Child support until 3 months after you first claim sole parent pension but your XH probably won't know about any of that. So in that case, I wouldn't tell him how much money you're getting or anything like that. I would just suggest that he puts $x a week in to your account to help cover expenses until you can get a child support assessment done through the agency.

    You will need to tell at least two people of the separation because centre link will need to confirm the separation over the phone. These ppl can't be family members either. I know, the thought is mortifying because I had to do it too but you need to be able to look after yourself and the kids and this is the way to do it.

    Good luck Hun

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    Op have you read the book Why does he do that? It may answer a lot of qestions you have.

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    Thanks alot. I think I just need to start accepting this is happening, it's reality and I have to tell people and get the ball rolling. Hiding it isn't making it go away

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    Besides making me tell 2 people as witnesses, what else will I need to do? Do I have to go in for an interview? What does it involve? What else will I need to do? Is it a long process?
    Did you feel bad or did they make it difficult with all the questions? I'm finding this really hard and I think I need to be prepared before I call them.

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    Default Confused and Alone

    Quote Originally Posted by Alone and in need View Post
    Thanks alot. I think I just need to start accepting this is happening, it's reality and I have to tell people and get the ball rolling. Hiding it isn't making it go away
    I feel for you OP, what you have just written is right, you need to get some money coming in for your family and start to tell people, you won't feel so alone. Baby steps for now, thinking of you, I hope it gets easier and you start getting some support from family and friends. Much love xxxx

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    Default Re: Confused and Alone

    Quote Originally Posted by Alone and in need View Post
    Besides making me tell 2 people as witnesses, what else will I need to do? Do I have to go in for an interview? What does it involve? What else will I need to do? Is it a long process?
    Did you feel bad or did they make it difficult with all the questions? I'm finding this really hard and I think I need to be prepared before I call them.
    From my personal experience you call first. That becomes your start date. They'll send paperwork out to you. You'll also be given an appointment at an office. Included in the paperwork will be a list of any documents you need to bring to the interview.

    I've always found from start to finish is roughly two weeks.

    I have never been made to feel bad by a centrelink staff member. They may at times be quiet but that's just while they're typing, looking over things.

    Hope that helps, even a little

    Sent from my GT540 using BubHub

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    Default Confused and Alone

    They won't make you feel bad Hun. No one will pass judgment on you.


 

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