I'm not really sure where to put this or where to start. I'm in need of advice and I'm abit lost.
Me and my husband have been arguing since last year, we got into a big fight new years eve and haven't spoken since. The argument was quite verbal, not physical but it got to a point where he left the house (something he's never done before)
I thought we would work it out, but it looks like it's going to be a permanent seperation. He's still here most days because he comes to see the kids, sometimes he sleeps on the couch and sometimes he goes to his parents to sleep. When he's here we don't really talk but are polite, when we do talk it ends in an argument, me crying and him walking away. Usually I apologise to him and suck up so we can stop fighting, this time I'm not doing it, I'm really really angry and I've had enough. Its just a big long list of things now and I'm sick of the way he treats me and his lack of respect.
Because I don't work I've had to rely on him for money, he's changed his password to his account so I have to ask him for money. It's becoming degrading, he's not refusing but I have to tell him what I need, like basics, nappies, food, petrol and he's paying the rent (although its late so I have no idea if he will)
I need to start thinking about what I'm going to do and how I'm going to support myself and my kids. He says he will help and I know he will, but I can't keep asking him for money and just for basics. I think I have to make it official, I've never seen him so distant and cold and I don't know how to make it better.
I've been avoiding going to centrelink because I thought it would be over and we'd be ok, but now I think I have to. The thought makes me sick to my stomach, I don't think I'll be able to walk through the door, I can't even make the call without wanting to throw up. It makes it real.
I have no idea if I'm entitled, what I will get, if they'll make me stay with him and keep asking him for money since he's still offering the basics. I'm scared I will lose the rental property because the landlord won't allow me to stay as a single mum. And worst of all, I haven't told anyone. My friends, parents don't even know we've sperated, I don't want to talk about it or get anyone involved because everyone will have something to say and I don't want to hear it. My sister has already called me selfish and said I have kids I need to work things out. But they don't know what I've had to live with over the years and there is only so much I can take. I'm depressed, I have anxiety and I just want help.
If you got this far thanks for listening.