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  1. #1
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    Default PEOPLE who pressurise and have no clue when you try to tell them

    Ive had a nasty flu, been feeling weak still, and had a birthday party of a relative to go to .
    I was frantically serving cake to young kids who cant wait
    an adult friend of mine kept repeating
    can i have cake
    can i have cake
    can i have a piece of cake
    and i kept saying let me give to the kids first
    but despite me having to repeat that he kept barraging me while i was so busy.

    He also thought when i'm busy at a party was a good time to bring me some random item and i had nowhere to put it, it wasnt a good place or time to give it to me, he lives close to me and could have given it to me at any other time of the year, so i put it on the benchtop.

    he kept repeating and even texting me after

    remember to take that item home,
    remember to take that item home
    remember to take that item home

    then he also thought that was a good time to ask me to run around to get him something else and i just said no. I dont know why he didnt ask me for it2 hours before when i was visiting him and relaxed

    That night i lay in bed and felt so stressed that during the short time he was there i'd felt like i'd been so pressurised and been 'pecked at' non stop.

    WOULD ANYone else be stressed by such behavior?

    Look he has a history of bombarding and being very stressful, but yes also of being helpful thats why we feel he is a precious friend despite how difficult he can be.

    on the worst day in my life that involved a court case, he came for ' support' but was cold and angry instead of loving to me all day, because in the morning i realised there was a mix up and i didnt have the proper address. instead of helping me get it, he stayed angry at me all day during the most traumatic day of my life.

    I've since heard of friends, partners, fathers support their loved ones at such times in loving ways, but that was not my good fortune. I had to deal with this nasty character on the most traumatic day of my life.

    Then after my knees were buckling under me from trauma and i thought he would help me get home with all my heavy bag of court papers.

    Instead he tol dme he wanted to go for lunch to a new cafe and pushed me to walk uphill for ages when i really couldnt

    then i thought he would help me go homewith all my heavy bag
    and instead he said

    'its not all about you, i'm going to look at the shops.'
    and he didnt help me home on a day that should have been about me

    another time i was so full of love for him as he was going to pick me up and help me after something went wrong with my car.
    i was trying to not get down and felt love for him.... untill he arrived

    then he started saying such nasty things like
    get inside, its not funny,
    and when i asked if he could pls turn off the loud talk back radio as i was in shock , he shouted,
    you have no rights while i'm helping you.

    he is a real helpful and temperamental nasty jekl and hyde

    on the one hand so draining shocking nasty
    he can argue about anything on and on and on so i've learnt to not try to answer or placate him much as he will just go on for days about anything
    ( i've known someone else who knew how to make anything into such a happy thing while this guy could make the smallest thing into so much stress)

    i understand and lots have told me to stay away
    and yet he isnt like that all the time
    and he has been my biggest most helpful friend for several years really indispensible

    someone said that he has asbergers and they are hard to get on with and also that he suffersanxiety and doesnt handle emotions well so instead becomes nasty.

    have others had stressful bombarding people like that in their lives, who stress them, do crazy things, try to put them on guilt trips, are passive aggressive, are nasty when they should be gentle and loving,

    i wish i had some helpful and loving gentle people around me who didnt have a really nasty draining side to them.
    Last edited by sylvia1111; 21-01-2013 at 17:36.

  2. #2
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    Why even have these kinds of friends if they are upsetting you so much?

  3. #3
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    Default PEOPLE who pressurise and have no clue when you try to tell them

    Who told you he has aspergers? Has he actually been diagnosed? If this is true, and you want to continue with this friendship, it might be worth educating yourself about aspergers, as this may help you to understand your friend better and have more realistic expectations of him. With better understanding, his behaviour will be less likely to frustrate you.

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    Quote Originally Posted by ABigDeepBreath View Post
    Who told you he has aspergers? Has he actually been diagnosed? If this is true, and you want to continue with this friendship, it might be worth educating yourself about aspergers, as this may help you to understand your friend better and have more realistic expectations of him. With better understanding, his behaviour will be less likely to frustrate you.
    this is what I think also. If he really does have it then you need to educate yourself on strategies to cope with him. It must be hard being an adult with this happening. Its tough enough on kids.

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    Default PEOPLE who pressurise and have no clue when you try to tell them

    I'm sorry OP - I have never had a friend like the one you have described.

    Hugs to you, it sounds like you are in a difficult situation. While you genuinely care for this friend it doesn't sound like a healthy relationship. He may care for you too, however his behaviour and actions are those of someone who doesn't care for you (unless he truly does have a mental illness).

    I think in this instance you should try distancing yourself for a while. Take some time out of the friendship to really reflect on how it/he makes you feel, what you get out of it, and if the friendship is worth fighting for.

    Once you've had time out and can think straight without the constant bombardment, you might consider sitting down and discussing it with your friend. Talk about how he makes you feel, if you do or don't want to continue the friendship.

    Unfortunately some friendships just aren't worth the time and effort to fix. You need to decide if you deserve better.

    As I don't know this person (or his mental state) I can only go by your post, I think it's probably in your best interests to move on. Friends should make you feel happy

    As previous posters have said, if he does have asbergers or similar it would be worthwhile getting some support and more info before making your decision.

    Good luck!
    Last edited by Taiyed; 21-01-2013 at 18:09.

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    That is very true what you say and it already helps me to realise that behavior of his that seems extremely abusive may have to do with ocd anxiety and asbergers,

    nevertheless its still very stressful bombarding and draining particularly that i was already weak from a recent flu

    re not having friends that stress me. I'd much prefer not to but he is aswell a loyal and helpful friend and i've appreciated that and not had others like that.

    I wish i could have the good with less of the bad but its just not whats happened.
    Last edited by sylvia1111; 21-01-2013 at 18:09.

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    I'm a bit worried that you said you had a nasty flu and were still not over it by the sounds of things and were at a birthday party serving children cake.

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  11. #8
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    i was over the flu but was still weak for weeks after it took a huge toll on me it hit me hard

  12. #9
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    taiyed all you say is true. I have always been unsure but the good i still feel far outweighs the bad as long as noone tries living with him there is significant good.
    i guess it will always be a consideration but on the whole mostly even recently i've tried to understand his brain ocd asbergers anxiety, and appreciate the significant good .

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    Default Re: PEOPLE who pressurise and have no clue when you try to tell them

    I am assuming this is the same man that all of your recent posts have been about?

    It really sounds as though your entire relationship with this person is unhealthy. I would suggest that you either need to end the friendship, or both of you need to seek some professional advice. Relationship counseling or similar.

    In previous posts you have referred to this man as your soul mate, I don't think my soul mate would treat me this way. He certainly wouldn't be my soul mate if he did.

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