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  1. #11
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    Default Am I getting wound up about nothing?

    I think one night a week is reasonable (I'd say to him pick one or the other). It's important for him to have an outlet to relieve stress and keep fit if he wants. As do you! I'd think the footy is better because its fitness like the boxing but also social/team stuff. Also it's setting a good example for your son about team work and exercise. Might get your son interested in doing kids footy later if u take him along to watch his dad play on the weekends sometimes.

    You should think of something u can do for yourself once a week or fortnight and have him look after the kids during that time. Even if its having a regular walk.

  2. #12
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    Default Am I getting wound up about nothing?

    Thanks for everyone's constructive input and empathy (was feeling rather sooky). I just needed to address my initial feelings of anger and annoyance. The next step will be to compromise I.e. only sport at a time and for me to do the same, instead of simmering with resentment.

    Boy, was I p*ssed off, I just wanted to rip his face off!! Does anyone feel that way sometimes? Or is it just the sleep dep taking over.

  3. #13
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    Honestly my first thought was your were being a bit mean, but then hubby works shift work all over the place so dinner bath bed routine is usually alone anyway. And I work shifts sometimes too so it's nothing for him to do it alone too. But every family and household works differently so you will need to negotiate what works best for both of you

  4. #14
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    Yeah I think you're being a little unfair sorry, about the boxing at least. I'm a big believer in needing time for yourself, so I do think your DH should be allowed this night, especially for fitness which can help overall wellbeing. But in turn I think you should have time out for yourself too.
    One night a week of you putting kids to bed by yourself should be doable. I don't see the big deal. I know you think that 'in afew more months we'll be more settled' but honestly that could go on forever. In a few more months their behaviour could be even more challenging! Kids don't get easier, they get different. So I think if you make him wait til the perfect time, there will never be the perfect time.

    I also agree with PP that 8.30 is really late and I personally would be bringing bedtime forward.

    As for football, I think that this should have been discussed with you, not just TOLD to you. I personally would be fine with it but I'm laid back like that. If you guys usually have weekends just as family time, then a footy match (including warm up and drinks and hanging out etc afterwards) would really cut into that time. I think you need to discuss your feelings with him re. the football and boxing together, but I personally don't feel you have the right to say no to the boxing at this time.

    Good luck.

  5. #15
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    Default Re: Am I getting wound up about nothing?

    Quote Originally Posted by ZnV View Post
    Thanks for everyone's constructive input and empathy (was feeling rather sooky). I just needed to address my initial feelings of anger and annoyance. The next step will be to compromise I.e. only sport at a time and for me to do the same, instead of simmering with resentment.

    Boy, was I p*ssed off, I just wanted to rip his face off!! Does anyone feel that way sometimes? Or is it just the sleep dep taking over.
    It is normal to be ****ed off, well at least I used to be in the past when he first started going out a bit. I realised I was resenting him because he got time away from the kids all day at work then he would go out at night leaving me alone again. So it's not abnormal to feel cranky. I hope you and your DH can come to a compromise that both of you are happy with

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  6. #16
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    Default Re: Am I getting wound up about nothing?

    I think you are allowed to feel upset but I also think that exercise is great and he will be happier if you let him do it. You need to find a time where you do something just for yourself as well though.

    DP plays soccer one night a week and when the winter comp comes back he will be training one night, playing on Saturdays and having meetings because he is the chief ref. He also goes wakeboarding in the afternoon once or twice a week but with that he is back by dinnertime. On top of that he does extra work to get more money or just to help his friends and family which also leaves us without him.

    It doesn't affect me too much because I cook dinner and put DS to bed anyway but it would make me resent him if I didn't get time out as well or if he never cooked/helped when he is here. I go out Thursday nights to connect where he does bedtime alone and he will cook dinner twice a week and help if I ask/really need him to.

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    Default Am I getting wound up about nothing?

    Hmmm I wouldn't be angry. Could you maybe do dinner and start the bedtime routine earlier on the Friday night? Sometimes it's nice to have an activity outside of family and work and considering its something healthy to do with fitness I would encourage it.
    Can you maybe start something too? So that you get some "you" time? I'm sure the Wednesday night you could manage, it would be annoying but do-able. And the Sunday I'm sure you don't have to go to every match so you could still do stuff with other family and or friends? I hope that wasnt offensive as it wasnt my intention just answering your questions xx

  8. #18
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    Default Am I getting wound up about nothing?

    I have a 4 month old but not an older toddler, so unsure how hard your bedtime routine is with 2. I know it can take me anywhere from 2 mins to over an hour to settle DD for bed. But I wouldn't be annoyed. I'm on mat leave and DH leaves for work at 4am and gets back 5pm. He then sees bub, eats, sometimes naps and goes to the gym at 7 for usually 2 hrs. Once he goes it bubs bedtime, I actually prefer it as I can play white noise loudly for her if I need to, without worrying if he is sleeping, and also I don't have to worry about him calling out to me, or having the tv on etc. like a pp said though different things work for different families. I personally prefer to settle DD myself, as I know her best, and DH works in a very physically demanding job, so comes home exhausted and I'm often surprised he goes to the gym at all. He has lost 15kg since he started going and is an awful lot fitter and healthier. I'd rather this than him being overweight and unhealthy, as we rely on his income and I expect him to accompany me to an old age

  9. #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by ZnV View Post
    Thanks for everyone's constructive input and empathy (was feeling rather sooky). I just needed to address my initial feelings of anger and annoyance. The next step will be to compromise I.e. only sport at a time and for me to do the same, instead of simmering with resentment.

    Boy, was I p*ssed off, I just wanted to rip his face off!! Does anyone feel that way sometimes? Or is it just the sleep dep taking over.
    Yes!! Not anymore, but I could have written your original post when my ds was younger. He was a horrible sleeper, and I literally dreaded bedtime every night. It was such a battle. Also, as I exclusively breastfed and he tended to feed to sleep a lot I really needed to be there (he wouldn't take a bottle), but dh not so much. It still irritated me that he had the choice to go out/socialize/get fit and I guess I was jealous/resented him for this. Looking back now, I think I was quite harsh on him. Sleep deprivation can do awful things to the system, though.

    I do think that giving you the 'heads up' is not on - it should be a conversation, not merely announced that this is what is happening.

    My suggestion would be try to get bedtime earlier (if possible). I find it makes the evening so much more enjoyable

  10. #20
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    I knew going into my relationship that my DP is really into football which required training two nights a week, one day on the weekend of game day as well as away games where he may be away all weekend. I could deal with all this because football is his passion and I couldnt in good consience take it away from him. But then he started playing oz tag on one other night a week meaning 3 nights away plus the weekend game day. I was pi**ed off! And we dont even have kids yet. I still copped the majority of the housework which was totally unfair. Now that I am expecting my first there is no way he is doing oz tap without a massive fight from me. Football is enough time away from family. I will also be taking up some form of exercise class after bubs is born to have my own 'me time' and lower the resentment.

    So, I do understand where you are coming from, but thier boys time is important, as is time for you. A good compromise is to do it to him as well and get your own time into the bargain.


 

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