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  1. #21
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    Default Don't bag the other parent

    In 8 years I've bagged out ex twice and after it I felt really really bad!
    Usually I'm always making excuses of why dd can't see him but after a while I get sick of defending him! I agree you shouldn't do it as that is her dad but sometimes all the 'why can't I see him' ' why isn't he here' 'why can't I go there ' why doesn't he love me' gets a little to much! She had him every day for years and now it's once a week for a few hours, it's hard! Especially when she's telling me she hates me and wants to live with him.

  2. #22
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    I agree that the child doesnt need to hear other peoples negative opinions of their parents and see no positive in doing so.

  3. #23
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    I 100% agree with this article.

    i have not and never will bag out DDs dad. However, DD regularly comes home saying daddy said this and SM says that etc. one day she came home and told us that daddy and SM said that DH is fat (which he isnt). What the??!

    not only does it mess with her head but as she gets older she is going to resent being told nasty things about the other parent as it will upset her.

  4. #24
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    Default Don't bag the other parent

    Quote Originally Posted by AppleIsleSMum View Post
    That is disgusting!! grrr
    Can you make note of things like this and bring it up if you have mediation again?
    It's all been noted & DS will be telling his psychologist this week - we are about to start court action (cause he is trying to deny our DS ANY medical intervention) so he should be treading lightly, but thinks he is above everyone so just thinks he can do what he wants.

  5. #25
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    Completely agree, ex's should never bag each other to, or around the kids. My experience is that as the kids get older, they work out mum or dad is an idiot, no criticising needed by the other parent.

    Kids are smart. They work things out on their own

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    Quote Originally Posted by delirium View Post
    Completely agree, ex's should never bag each other to, or around the kids. My experience is that as the kids get older, they work out mum or dad is an idiot, no criticising needed by the other parent.

    Kids are smart. They work things out on their own
    Precisely! My mum has always bagged out my dad (they split when I was 11), but now that I'm older I can see that she was in fact utterly justified in her rants! LOL It didn't affect me, but I have always disliked hearing her go on about it, just gets boring to listen to because she repeats the same old things over and over. Dad never said anything bad about mum, because there was nothing bad to say, and he's thankfully not the type to do it.

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    Agree, and luckily so does DD's Dad. It's something he feels very strongly about - his parents split up because his father's alcohol and gambling addictions destroyed their lives. He says that despite that, his mother never said a bad word about it in front of him, and he appreciated that immensely.

  8. #28
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    I have never bagged out my ex, shame he doesn't give me the same courtesy. It hasn't affected my relationship with DS.

    The only issue I have is that XDP so very rarely sees DS, his own choice, and DS will often ask why. I do not believe I should have to lie for anyone, even if it is his father. So yeah I do tell him we have to wait for his dad to contact us for a visit. Really not sure what else I can do, I am not going to lie for him and say it's me stopping him from seeing his dad because it's simply not the truth.

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  10. #29
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    I don't think lying for the other parent should be expected. Criticising and telling facts are 2 seperate things. I think if the kids ask, you give them facts. Like 'why doesn't dad want to see me? ' bc he hasn't worked out how important you should be to him'. Rather than 'bc he's a jerk'.

    There is no point lying to the child anyway. As I said, they work out the parent is infact a jerk anyway lol But they will come to that decision on their own.

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  12. #30
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    I don't lie to DD either. I think it's about as bad as saying mean stuff tbh. A child will be much more disappointed, IMO, when they realise all those lies aren't true.

    DD used to ask why her father didn't call. Why he didn't see her. Why he had another baby when he had her (THAT was a hard one to not get angry about - I wanted to say, "BECAUSE HE'S IS A PR*CK! It's NOTHING to do with you - he is just a sack of sh*t!" but you know, not exactly a good idea... lol). I'd just say, "I'm not really sure honey, and I know it's not very nice for you. Maybe when he does call, you can ask him that."

    Then he just didn't call... so she never got to ask him... and she's kind of just assumed he's a d*ck on her own. She's never said it in those words, but when she DOES bring him up, I think it's clear that's what her view of him is.


 

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