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  1. #11
    Witwicky's Avatar
    Witwicky is offline A closed mouth gathers no foot.
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    Default Hubby wants to sign up

    It needs to be a joint decision. This isn't something he should be deciding on his own, as it will greatly affect everyone.

    Army life is TOUGH. It's hard on the married couple and it's hard on the kids. Some people deny this, but realistically *most* members are moved away a lot (every 2-3 years at least) and a lot of members spend great amounts of time away from home (not including deployments, which are 8 months long at a time nowadays). My partner wasn't in a job that deployed much and he still spent many months away a year on exercises etc. He worked a lot on weekends and public holidays. The hardest part though, was how regimented our life became. The army controlled everything - where we went, when we went etc. We were denied travel to certain countries. We had a holiday cancelled on us and were told to just get over it and get our money back from insurance (not the point). My DH was even pulled up at work for something an officer saw him doing at the shops (!) and it was all very controlling - some people like that...and some people don't.

    There are benefits to being in the army though - subsidised rent, job security, free health & dental for your partner, lots of time off, other financial benefits.

    You both have to weigh up whether the pros out weigh the cons.

    Good luck. I hated having a partner in the army. Some people don't mind though.
    Last edited by Witwicky; 19-01-2013 at 11:57.

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  3. #12
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    I'm with wit wicky, some wemon do love the life, the subsidised rent, getting to live in different parts of the country. I am not one of those wemon, I was like you my now ex partner joined 2 years after we got together and had our kid. I hate regiment and the patriarchal, macho culture. I constantly felt alienated in the defence community because I am a pacifist, I'm arty and my views I guess are more left of field. It was a good opportunity for me to gain some perspective on a culture I am so far detached from but I am not sure if it is a life I could sustain (I was a defence wife for 5 years).

  4. #13
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    Default Hubby wants to sign up

    I was a RAAF kid and I've always maintained that I could never be with a military man because of it all.

    The choice will often come down to not living together or giving up your dreams as his wife... And that's just not for me, personally.

    It has to be a decision you both make as it impacts your entire lives...

  5. #14
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    Default Hubby wants to sign up

    I also agree that the whole culture of it all is very patriarchal and sexist. That's not to say all military personnel are these things... But the culture is.

  6. #15
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    I was only 20 when he joined so that may have made a difference as well, I hadn't yet had many opportunities to follow my own dreams and as a result I felt that I was starting to loose too much of myself. It really did come down to a decision between a man I love and following my own dreams, it was an extremely difficult decision. As far as the culture is concerned, I met many lovely personnel (after our Wagga Wagga training posting), they got to know me and my views and only ever treated me with kindness, the older personnel seem to have a much more balanced world view and understand that people with similar world views to me have just as valuable a place as anyone else. It was really only the younger recruits and the wives I struggled with because I was perceived as being anti australian because I expressed my concerns about some of the aspects of military culture (racism and sexism). Anyway it is such a personnel decision, I sort of already knew the answer in my heart before I went ahead anyway. I don't regret any of it though because it was a valuable experience. I wish you the best

  7. #16
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    Default Hubby wants to sign up

    I have had and still have a lot of time to think about it. It is going to make DH happy and a lot happier than night shift he is working ATM.

    As for me and my dreams I kind of just drifted through life not knowing what I wanted until I became a mum and I fell in live with the stay at home mum life, so maybe the army will help me find my place out side the kids?

    Idk but DH is still not ready to join physically he has his workout routine and I am helping him with it.

    Thank you everyone for you advise and I am so happy to have heard from both sides

  8. #17
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    that's great it's good that you have plenty of time to adjust to the idea, we didn't have long, dp was processed quickly in 2007 and it seemed to be a whirlwind of change for us. There are plenty of support networks for parents in the defence lots of playgroups, and supported program's like gym groups, craft groups and the like for partners, I think if you love the sahm lifestyle there will be plenty of networking opportunities for you unfortunately for me the sahm lifestyle is about as suited for me as dry land for a fish.

  9. #18
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    Default Hubby wants to sign up

    I know what you mean my sister is like that to.

    Thank you everyone for your advise and support

  10. #19
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    Hi. Just wondering if he has signed up yet and how you are getting along with it all.

  11. #20
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    He has had his first U session and is now waiting for his second.

    I'm ok to be honest just not looking forward to when he will be gone on training


 

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