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  1. #21
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    Default what do you provide when children are at their dads

    I think it's ridiculous if a kid has to have two of everything just because the parents can't talk and come to a mature mutually beneficial agreement. It will end up costing both parents more $ in the long run which doesn't benefit the child.

    Perhaps you could have a conversation with the ex and come to an agreement that your child should be able to take most of his belongings between houses but .... If parent A buys something and it gets broken (through negligence) at parent B's house, then parent B pays for the replacement/repair?

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    Default what do you provide when children are at their dads

    Quote Originally Posted by SassyMummy View Post
    I provided DD with clothes and toys, a carseat, pram, etc. All her stuff.

    I would have rather he got them himself, but he wouldn't, so I figured that it was best for HER if I just sucked it up and did it myself... so she didn't go without. I often even provided snacks because I just couldn't trust he'd have anything to give her, and I purchased a set of "extra" clothes that were reserved just for visits with him and daycare. I provided nappies too, because he wouldn't have... and I just felt sorry for her.
    How could a parent not be trusted to feed their child or provide nappies? Would he have really let your precious child starve and soil themself?? If so how did they get custody? Your poor child. Lucky she has a good loving mumma!

  3. #23
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    Default Re: what do you provide when children are at their dads

    I completely agree with fav toys.etc going between houses. Wouldn't expect the sometimes parent to even have a lot of clothes, but the basic necessities shouldn't have to move. the fact that you have to supply a portacot astounds me.

    As previously mentioned cs is derived based on cost% and care %. The dollar amount is under the assumption that each parent pays for the cost of raising the child while the child is on their care. If you're supplying everything he should be paying more!

    In saying all that, sometimes it's not a question of what's fair, but what needs to happen to make the situation tolerable for all involved.

    Remember "this too shall pass" (and hopefully one day the synapses start working in his tiny damaged brain )

    Spent from my dome. Excuse autocorrect

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  5. #24
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    Default what do you provide when children are at their dads

    Oh he would feed and clothe her... But it's what he would feed her or what he would clothe her in. He never cared for her on his own when we were together...

    Luckily he's not in her life anymore anyway so she doesn't have to deal with his nonsense.

    He didn't even like me leaving 4 toys at his house for her. 4 small toys. He just thought she should somehow entertain herself with no toys and nothing else to do. At 3.

    Some people are clueless... And while I would love it if they weren't I just figured it was better for my kid to see her father and for me to have to go out of my way to make it as non dodgy as possible. Lol.

    I have lots of respect for people who somehow make idiot parents step up... I just had no idea how to do it without letting DD suffer first.

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    LivinOnAPrayer  (30-01-2013)

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    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    I think it's ridiculous if a kid has to have two of everything just because the parents can't talk and come to a mature mutually beneficial agreement. It will end up costing both parents more $ in the long run which doesn't benefit the child.

    Perhaps you could have a conversation with the ex and come to an agreement that your child should be able to take most of his belongings between houses but .... If parent A buys something and it gets broken (through negligence) at parent B's house, then parent B pays for the replacement/repair?
    Who says they need 'two of everything'?

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    HugsBunny  (29-01-2013)

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    Default what do you provide when children are at their dads

    Quote Originally Posted by ourbradybunch View Post
    My SD comes here just with what she's dressed in, her room is set up as if she lives here & that's how I feel it should be.

    She isn't a guest here
    Haven't read all the replies but this is exactly what happens when my daughter goes to we dads house.
    It's not a case of me refusing to send stuff with her, he just wanted her to always feel like his house was her home.
    I never had any of my own stuff at my dads house growing up and never ever felt 100% comfortable there. I always felt like it wasn't my home.

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    Default what do you provide when children are at their dads

    I send clothes, shoes, nappies.

    He lives with his mum and she had all her stuff from her kids so they use that.

    I'm buying draws for his house so I can leave stuff there. They only go once a month.

  11. #28
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    Default what do you provide when children are at their dads

    Firstly OP, he is supposed to supply her basic needs when he has custody. CS payments factor this in. $31 a month pays for 1 box of nappies, so he's kidding himself (and you) if he says he doesn't have to supply anything.

    You are not expected or obliged to provide everything when he has her. And most certainly not swim nappies!
    If he wants to take her swimming, he can buy them.

    Having said that, I personally send everything when DS visits Dad. I feel better knowing what he's eating (16mths), so this is just my choice. ExDH also pays me a bit more than he has to currently, so we have a good parenting relationship so far.

    ExDH is about to finally move in to his own place, so will then have the room and ability of buying his own things for DS. I've also given him a bag of back-up clothes, toys, books etc so that DS has familiar things when he first starts staying there. Again this is my choice, to ensure the change is as easy as possible on DS.

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  13. #29
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    Quote Originally Posted by PurpleMumma View Post
    Ok so even though I get child support $31 a month he still should supply everything?

    he keeps saying that because he isn't working I should do it eg he wants to take the baby swimming and called to ask me to supply swimmer nappies

    Sent from my GT-I9100 using BubHub
    Your sons father should be providing everything when he is spending time with him. The huge $31 he is required to pay you per month is to help you support his child when he is not in his care. Also if he is spending every second weekend with his father I'm guessing that means he has a % of care which will decrease the amount he is required to pay to you. He should therefore be supplying all things your son needs when he has him.

    i know it's hard when you want the best for your child and youre worried that he may be going without something but in theory he is responsible for supplying anything your son may require when he has him.

    i send a bag with clothes in it with my DD. when she first started visiting I used to send everything-even food. I was a control freak but as she has gotten older I'm a lot more relaxed. Plus DH and I spend a fortune on dancing and swimming, clothes, food, entertainment, uniforms, child care so I feel that ex needs to take some financial responsibility.

  14. #30
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    Nothing except the clothes on their back, occasionally a favourite toy etc if they ask to take it. I try to limit this to older/less valuable items though as nothing ever comes back- the ex's house is like the Bermuda triangle. I get sick of buying things new for the kids and having them lost on the first visit to Dad's after purchase. I also try to keep things that they are particularly attached to at my place, for the same reason. It's easier said than done to be constantly passing things back and forth, and ultimately better for the kids if their stuff mainly stays in one place or the other, so they have the security of knowing it'll be there when they return rather than being left in the other household. That's what I've found in my situation anyway. I think the ex should have a set up at his place for the kids with everything they need there, a room of their own etc. He hasn't provided that, as far as I know, even though he has the space to, but I can't do anything about that. At least they have their own space here.


 

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