View Poll Results: Anyone have any regrets?

Voters
16. You may not vote on this poll
  • None whatsoever

    8 50.00%
  • We're happy, but it's harder than I thought it would be

    5 31.25%
  • Yes, in hindsight we should have stopped

    3 18.75%
  • Other

    0 0%
+ Reply to Thread
Page 2 of 2 FirstFirst 12
Results 11 to 14 of 14
  1. #11
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Location
    At the beach
    Posts
    10,495
    Thanks
    1,430
    Thanked
    9,003
    Reviews
    3
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 posts
    Awards:
    Busiest Member of the Week - week ended 17/10/14100 Posts in a week
    Quote Originally Posted by escapee View Post
    I don't regret the children we have, wouldn't change that they're here for anything.
    However, in hindsight, I may have not had the number I had. I have four, as they are getting older I am finding it hard to give one on one time. Often I am tied to treating them as a whole rather than individual.

    We can not have each child doing the sports and activities they individually want to do, instead we pick a sport that they all do for a minimum of two years.

    It is really hard to go away on holiday. Most hotels don't accept 6 people in a room, meaning we spend a fortune on somewhere or have to book 2 rooms and the family is split up.

    The younger ones get a lot of hand me downs.

    Getting everyone's homework done can be a challenge. It would be nice to be able to sit down and go through everything a bit slower, but with homework then preperation of dinner etc plus fitting in afterschool activities makes it hard.

    I feel I am always telling them to hurry up. It takes a bit longer to do everything, including getting in/out of the car, getting hair/teeth/bags ready.

    I wonder if they are missing out on the "optimal" childhood if they were one of two kids.

    They are moving into a stage of learning self identity and self esteem, I think it would be harder to discover that individuality in a group of four (or more).

    Instead I like to think they are learning to be self sufficient, adaptable, independent children due to being in a family where everyone has to work together to run smoothly.

    We very much work on love, structure and respect.

    Other issues we will deal with will be allowance/pocket money, formals, cars, weddings etc. All thinngs smaller families can cater for failry easily a bit harder when you have more children.

    Like I said I wouldn't turn back time and change it (esp as I didn't feel family was complete until the last was here), and when they were smaller it was fine. It's just as they are getting a bit older that i am noticing more challenges.
    This is really interesting. I am the youngest of 4 and I can honestly say I never felt left out, or that there were too many kids, or that we didn't get enough attention. For this reason I too wanted 4, but as our kids are all IVF and I am now 41, we decided to stop at 3. Happily, just before Christmas I found out I'm pregnant with #4. After the initial shock, we are now over the moon.

    I too worry about having the energy to give each child what they need, particularly as DD1 will be well into year 2 when this baby comes and my babies never sleep so I worry I won't be able to spend enough time with her. DD2 is extremely shy, and needs a lot from me. DS thankfully is pretty self sufficient but almost too so.

    So yes I have all the worries you do, but try to reassure myself that as I grew up feeling well loved hopefully my kids will too.

  2. #12
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Posts
    821
    Thanks
    61
    Thanked
    82
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts

    Default Anon poll - anyone ever regret having an extra child even a tiny bit???

    A story I came across on another forum that made me smile. Especially for those times when you feel like you can't do all the things you want to.



    You don't need me to tell you this, but here goes:

    People can—and will—say the darndest things.

    Out loud, even.

    I was at the Y yesterday, signing Oliver and Manolin out of childcare just after my 45 minute biking marathon with Jo. It's a wonderful Mother-Daughter bonding time; if you've got the means to work out with your daughter, I highly, highly recommend it. The conversations we've had in those 45 minutes have been some of the ones I know I will cherish thirty years from now. The big boys are in Karate at that time, the little guys are in childcare and it's just Jo and me, racking up miles on those stationary bikes while everyone around us wonders what in the world we're finding so stinking hilarious.

    But I digress.

    As I said, I was at the Y. Manolin had already been handed over the counter and was grinding his face into my collarbone with every ounce of his being. Oliver was being led—in protest, mind you—away from the playdough table and towards the little green exit gate. I wrote my name on the register with a flourish, and turned my attention to signing dramatically so that Oliver knew it was time to head home.

    "You've got, what? Three boys? Holy cow," said the worker, a woman about my age.

    "You missed one," I offered helpfully, taking a step to the side. Sure enough, Atticus was hidden just behind me in the tight reception area.

    "Four boys? I couldn't do that. No way. They would drive me nuts."

    I smiled broadly and nodded. This woman, after all, goes to my church. And you know ... she really ought to know better.

    "I like raising boys," I said. "These guys are awesome. I can't imagine how boring life would be without every single one of them."

    You think that's it, don't you? You're saying to yourself—"This is a post about how people are always bashing on little boys." Well, it could be. But no. This woman just didn't know how to quit when she was ahead. Just then, Jo came through the door carrying our workout gear in our oversized blue duffel.

    "Oh my gosh, I totally forgot! You have, like, five kids. All those boys and a girl."

    Great math skills, I thought. You must be so proud. My sunshiney thoughts had turned decidedly sour. Because at this point, let's face it: the woman has already basically told my sons that they are a burden to their mother. Now she's going to harp on our family size. This keeps getting better!

    The woman then shook her head and delivered the jewel:

    "I couldn't have that many kids. There's no way. I just couldn't be the mother I want to be with that many of them."

    And you know what? I told her she was absolutely right.

    "I can't either!" I admitted. "And I'm so thankful!"

    Now before you look at me like I've grown ten heads (which is precisely the look she delivered, by the way) let me tell you why I feel the way I do.

    I am not the mother I wanted to be with these children. Can't be. It's not possible. There's only one of me ... and five of them. Do the math. I can not be all things to every child.

    The world says I am failing. I have chosen quantity over quality. I can't possibly be a good enough mother. Needs will not be met. There are just too many kids.

    Praise God, I say.

    Because I have come to realize that the things I want to do and be for my children are not necessarily the best for them.

    I want to kiss every boo-boo. Fawn over every picture. Brush every head of hair. Trim every finger nail. Hold the back of each bike seat as the training wheels come off. Stop the hurts before they come. Be the ear for every heartache. Bake every afternoon snack. Cheer at every game. Warn of every danger. Read every book. Watch every impromptu performance. Be a part of every game. Lead every troop. Sing every song. I want to right the wrongs. Hold off the enemies.

    I want to be their world.

    With one child, I could do that. No problem. With two, I think I could manage pretty nicely. But with three, five, seven? No way.

    Instead, what my kids get is something different. Maybe not better—the Lord's plans are different for each family, and I respect that. But at the very least, what my children have is equal. It's not some lesser thing. It's not worthy of pity. It's just different.

    It's not about me, The Perfect Mother, this growing up thing. No matter how much I always dreamed it would be, it just isn't. It's about God and the family He provided to meet every need.

    Do boo-boos get kissed? Of course! But a portion of the time, it is a big brother who kisses the baby's head after he's tried to fit underneath the coffee table for the fifth time in an hour. Do cookies get baked? Yes. I admit, though, that Jo is turning into quite the chef thanks to being blessed with the opportunity to experiment in the kitchen without my hovering. And do you know who taught Logan to balance on his big boy bike when he shed the training wheels? It was Atticus, running behind him and shouting, "Brother! Brother! You're doing it!" in a voice so full of pride and utter joy that I get a catch in my throat just remembering. I cried from the curb, my hands busy plaiting Jo's hair to fit under her helmet. It was a gorgeous moment, burned into my mind, my heart, my soul.

    "Brother! Brother! You're doing it!"

    Are there sweeter words?

    My children have a cheering section, not a number one fan. They have a chorus of voices that sing their praises and hands that reach out to help no matter the hour of the day. Will they walk through adulthood with this same closeness? There are no guarantees, of course. My own mother is the youngest of seven children, and I wouldn't call their family particularly close-knit. There is no formula, no one perfect thing that will bind these little personalities into a warm quilt that they will want to stay wrapped in throughout their lives.

    But there is love. Abounding love. More love than I, the mother who has been entrusted with them, could ever offer on my own.

    I am not the mother I wanted to be. I do not make it to every event. I am sometimes preoccupied with a diaper or a math problem when a milestone flies past me at the speed of light. My children will not remember me in the foreground, chairing every committee, meeting every need and wiping every nose.

    But I am the mother God wants me to be. I am in the background, usually. One voice among many in the sea of encouragement. Cheering. Praising. And witnessing the miracle that is our family.


    — Mary Grace

  3. The Following 9 Users Say Thank You to Beachside Mumma For This Useful Post:

    Canaus  (26-07-2013),cealz  (18-01-2013),escapee  (17-01-2013),feelinglucky  (17-01-2013),kbf2plus2  (18-03-2013),mamamel89  (18-01-2013),missred  (09-02-2013),Mod-Uniquey  (18-01-2013),MonkeySeeMonkeyDo  (17-01-2013)

  4. #13
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Posts
    821
    Thanks
    61
    Thanked
    82
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts

    Default Anon poll - anyone ever regret having an extra child even a tiny bit???

    In answer to the OP, I don't regret the children I have, although if I could do it again, I'd make one of the gaps bigger.

  5. #14
    Join Date
    Jul 2012
    Posts
    44
    Thanks
    25
    Thanked
    19
    Reviews
    0
    It is lovely to hear that you have such positive stories of being children of larger families and not feeling as if you missed out on anything. I guess the bonus is, is that you don't know any different. Yes, the kids see other families with less children but ultimately they come home to their norm and are happy.

    I fully agree with the above article- watching the kids all interact together, teaching eachother is heartwarming. They are all caring loving helpful souls which I think in a big part is because they are from a larger family.

  6. #15
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Posts
    1,740
    Thanks
    140
    Thanked
    455
    Reviews
    8
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Awards:
    Bubhub Blogger
    Quote Originally Posted by escapee View Post
    I don't regret the children we have, wouldn't change that they're here for anything.
    However, in hindsight, I may have not had the number I had. I have four, as they are getting older I am finding it hard to give one on one time. Often I am tied to treating them as a whole rather than individual.

    We can not have each child doing the sports and activities they individually want to do, instead we pick a sport that they all do for a minimum of two years.

    It is really hard to go away on holiday. Most hotels don't accept 6 people in a room, meaning we spend a fortune on somewhere or have to book 2 rooms and the family is split up.

    The younger ones get a lot of hand me downs.

    Getting everyone's homework done can be a challenge. It would be nice to be able to sit down and go through everything a bit slower, but with homework then preperation of dinner etc plus fitting in afterschool activities makes it hard.

    I feel I am always telling them to hurry up. It takes a bit longer to do everything, including getting in/out of the car, getting hair/teeth/bags ready.

    I wonder if they are missing out on the "optimal" childhood if they were one of two kids.

    They are moving into a stage of learning self identity and self esteem, I think it would be harder to discover that individuality in a group of four (or more).

    Instead I like to think they are learning to be self sufficient, adaptable, independent children due to being in a family where everyone has to work together to run smoothly.

    We very much work on love, structure and respect.

    Other issues we will deal with will be allowance/pocket money, formals, cars, weddings etc. All thinngs smaller families can cater for failry easily a bit harder when you have more children.

    Like I said I wouldn't turn back time and change it (esp as I didn't feel family was complete until the last was here), and when they were smaller it was fine. It's just as they are getting a bit older that i am noticing more challenges.
    Thank you for this. I am pregnant with number two and I think this will be it for us. We had always thought two or three, but are now leaning towards two.

    My DH is from a big family and his experience is one of the many reasons we will only have two, or three. He was the eldest and whilst there was plenty of love to go around, he does feel that he missed out on a bit and there wasn't - and still isn't - enough attention.

    This is not an attack on large families, that's just my DH's personal experience. There are many benefits of large families, and my children will benefit from having so many aunties and uncles, and cousins on my DH's side.


 

Similar Threads

  1. What do you regret buying your child?
    By winterbaby in forum General Parenting Tips, Advice & Chat
    Replies: 32
    Last Post: 09-11-2012, 08:34
  2. Poll on extra-curricular activities.
    By TinyLittleTootsies in forum General Parenting Tips, Advice & Chat
    Replies: 38
    Last Post: 24-03-2012, 01:37

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
free weekly newsletters | sign up now!
who are these people who write great posts? meet our hubbub authors!
Learn how you can contribute to the hubbub!

reviews
learn how you can become a reviewer!

competitions

forum - chatting now
christmas gift guidesee all Red Stocking
Babybee Prams
Save $50 in our pre-Christmas sale! All Comet's now only $500. Our bassinet & stroller set includes free shipping AUS wide, $75 free accessories, 18-months warranty & a 9 month free return policy. Check out our new designer range today!
sales & new stuffsee all
The Health Hub
Give a new mum a fitness boost for Christmas & New Year. Studio-based, small group training sessions - cardio, strength, core, Pilates & boxing. Choice of 16 hrs per week, flexible-arrival feature - bubs & kids welcome! Gift vouchers available.
featured supporter
Baby Monitors
Looking to buy a baby monitor? :: Read viewer reviews of baby monitors BEFORE you buy :: Buy at a local or online Baby Nursery Shop
gotcha
X

Pregnant for the first-time?

Not sure where to start? We can help!

Our Insider Programs for pregnancy first-timers will lead you step-by-step through the 14 Pregnancy Must Dos!