Okay.. I'm not one for posting such personal stuff on BH, but I'm literally at a road block of personal reflection with no idea where to go next, and maybe (just maybe) your outsider views might help me decide what to do. Please no negativety, I'm totally overwhelmed with worry at the moment and with a lack of understanding of depression I just can't comprehend my parents actions at present. I'm an only child so I don't have anyone to turn to within my own family.
My parents have decided that after 30 years of marriage they both want to go their separate ways. My intention isn't to argue or rehash with them how they both got to this point (or why) because whatever's done/said/happened is over and it's not my intention to play middle man and make things better. They're both adults, whichever path they choose, separation, divorce or reconciliation is up to them, not me. Regardless I'd prefer they both be happy with their decision at the end of the day.
That said, I'm concerned for both of their mental well beings and don't think they're in the right frame of mind to make such life changing decisions - in that, my mum is on anti depressants and her behaviour is (and is always) a bit erratic and irrational, and my dads behaviour of blaming mum (and everyone else around him other than himself) for his miserable life seems unjustifiably 'not normal'', and nothing makes him happy, nothing. I have limited understanding of depression, but have been doing reading and found that running away and blaming others are common characteristics.
I've never understood why my mum takes antidepressants, I've never had the guts to say "what are those for, why do you need them", which makes me feel like I should have probably done that years ago ... I hate those sticky situations though and don't want mum to think I'm thinking any differently of her... And dad's always made fun of her about her taking antidepressants so I wonder how easy it's going to be to make him talk to anyone!
I'm not going to go into detail of how they got here, but it's the way they're handling it that's of concern to me. It's amicable in a financial sense, but my dads thought process is to go live on the other side of Australia because the grass is greener and he needs the challenge (he knows no one, his friends and family are all here). My DH and I have two DS' with another due in a few months, I just don't think that if my dad were in his right mind that he'd consider up and going given he'll miss out on so much of the boys lives. Mum and dad look after the boys currently 2 days per week as DH and I both work full time, how could you go from seeing them twice a week to what would seem like never. It just isn't comprehensible to me. Plus we have a good relationship, so why he'd want to leave that too?i just don't get it!
How can I help them? What can I do? My mum has no contact with her family and hasn't done for over 10 years (she even said today "I got rid of them and my life improved, i got rid of "blah" and my life improved , if i get rid of your dad my life again will improve" but to me that seems like a terrible behavioural pattern - mind you her losing her family was the right decision) she has no friends and as I said I'm an only child so between DH and I it's up to us. I disappeared from work today and went and chatted to both of them, made some headway and got dad to say he'd go see someone, under the proviso that after a few weeks of doing this mum would join him. Then they spoke, and instead of talking about a way forward they just rehashed old stuff over and over. They just can't get out of that rut, and as a result I'm back to square one.
I want to help them both so badly, but I'm at a loss. The only options I can think of are to explain to them that this is all too toxic (especially for my babies) and if they don't individually get help I'm removing my family from the situation? But then mum's got no one and dad's on a one-way ticket out of here?
I dunno. I'm sorry this is so long and so late.