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  1. #1
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    Default Parenting concern please help

    Member question;
    My nine year old daughter just spent 10 days at her fathers house in a different state, it's the first time she has been and he has come to see her in my state 4 times for 2 days at a time since she was 18 months. I let her go because she wanted to spend time with him and adores his mother. He lives with his gf of 12 months and her kids, a girl aged 5 and a boy aged 11 and has his 6 yr old son sometimes. The entire time she was there he and his girlfriend just hung out in their bedroom leaving the kids unsupervised, made the 11 yr old and my daughter make lunch for the little ones, the house had smashed windows and they don't live in a good area, my daughters father washed his 5 yr old stepdaughters mouth out with soap! There were spiderwebs and spiders everywhere :-( she spent 2 nights with her grandmother which she loved but she asked her dad to stay too and he wouldn't because he wouldnt leave his gf. Only the 6 yr old boy was allowed in the adults bedroom ( seemed a bit strange to me). I'm wondering what others make of all this? Would u be contacting welfare in relation to it all? I'm concerned for the 5 yr old :-( oh and my daughter came home with nits and said the 5 yr old had them and told her. I'm who didn't do anything :-/ am I over reacting?

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    yuck that sounds terrible, I would not send her there again. it honestly sounds like theres more involved (drugs perhaps) Im not saying this to upset you but it just sounds odd that they (the adults) would spend that much time in their bedroom when theres kids around (I could understand the lounge or the verandah chilling or what not but the bedroom??)
    Maybe call his parents first and try to raise your concerns for the other children with them, its hard to understand the situation from a distance, maybe they can shed some light on some issues.
    I suppose him disciplining his step daughter in that way is really the child's mother concern, honestly I would not allow it and I would definitely not stand for anyone doing it to ANY child however Im not sure you would go very far in trying to stop it... (if you talk to him he'll tell to but out, if you talk to her probably worse, not sure its something serious enough to go to docs)
    So I'm leaning for maybe contacting some 'local' relatives or friends to check on the situation and let you know, if it is indeed that bad I would call the authorities and let them check it out and act accordingly.
    Hope you DD is ok... what a terrible holiday...

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    First of all what a horrible trip for your DD. It is not going to make it pleasant for you if she goes again either. I would first of all speak to your EX and ask him. Straight out, he might not expect it. If he wants her to go again, i think it should be with the restriction that DD stays at grandmas.

    How is your DD since she got back? Did she just brush it off as a bad experience or did it upset her?

    I am not sure about contacting DOCS, do you have a good relationship with the Grandmother that maybe you could have a quiet chat to her about the situation?

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    Default Re: Parenting concern please help

    Very hard question. I wouldn't want to send her again. Don't know that I'd contact docs yet though. Sounds less than ideal but not that bad.

    I'd also be hesitant to contact grandma. It may put the relationship with dd at risk.

    This might sound odd but I'd consider contacting the five year old's school suggesting they keep an eye on him.

    Spent from my dome. Excuse autocorrect

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    Default Parenting concern please help

    Sorry but if you have a concern that a child may be in danger (including their living conditions) you should report it. We all know that DOCS are understaffed and may do nothing, but your report may also be 'the one' that makes them decide to investigate (if they have had others)
    I feel so sorry for your DD, some people just put themselves and their lives before their children I hope she is doing OK and that her good relationship with her nan/grandma can continue...!

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    I would perhaps send a letter to the schools of both the 11 year old and the 6 year old raising your concerns so they can monitor it on a daily basis.

    Why did her bio dad want her to come and stay if he was not going to see her? How strange.

    How is your DD...does she want to go again or has this turned her off future trips?

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    Default Re: Parenting concern please help

    Quote Originally Posted by Gongmummy View Post
    Sorry but if you have a concern that a child may be in danger (including their living conditions) you should report it. We all know that DOCS are understaffed and may do nothing, but your report may also be 'the one' that makes them decide to investigate (if they have had others)
    I feel so sorry for your DD, some people just put themselves and their lives before their children I hope she is doing OK and that her good relationship with her nan/grandma can continue...!
    Exactly my thoughts. Sometimes it's the smaller reports that can be the tip of the iceberg. One small report isn't worth investigating, but if there are several others (from other people) it may give them what they need.

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    I would be speaking to you DD's father about it and the grandmother to find out more.

    It's all a bit out of context - smashed windows - that can happen, spiders/cobwebs - we've got them, mouth out with soap - not good, no supervision - not good...

    I think you need to investigate further OP. Do you know that the children are being neglected, abused or harmed or do you suspect this?

    I'm a mandatory reporter so even if I suspect I am mandated to report.

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    I think you could be over reacting, if cob webs and a broken window make for bad parents then there will be a lot of bad parents out there. Also I spend time with my husband in our room parents need time too, as long as the kids are fine why should parents have to be all over the kids all the time? My 12 year old loves making lunch for everyone makes him proud that he accomplished something that shouldnt be reflective on my parenting.

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    Default Re: Parenting concern please help

    I like rh

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