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  1. #31
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    Quote Originally Posted by Theboys&me View Post
    Thanks Yeah I am feeling much better today ... I wrote down my feelings about everything last night and I feel very clear headed about it all now. He actually called me last night and we've agreed that seeing each other at this point isn't the best option, cos we can't seem to keep our hands off each other.

    After our phone call though I have a better understanding of what's going on in his head and have decided to keep the lines of communication and support open as a friend. I feel like he needs a few people in his corner as he really is having a tough time and feels unable to speak to his family as they are pretty over bearing. He also doesn't want me out of his life but understands if I need to cut ties for myself.

    I've agreed to maintain this friendship on the grounds that he opens up fully to his psychologist as he has at this stage only spoken to me. I've been through something very similar so I'm completely understanding - but there's no chance he'll start to feel better unless he proactively seeks it.

    I'm not sure yet if this is the wisest decision ... But I can't just walk away from a person I care about who is in a fragile state. So I'm determined to draw a definite line of friendship until he feels good within himself and who knows how either of us will feel then. He said if he could imagine selfishly (which he isn't in the slightest) that he would get better then if I'm still interested in him we could try this again. I told him I'm not making any promises but I'm not shutting him out.

    I didn't realise just how badly he was feeling - as I said I was in this place about 3 years ago and there is no way in the world I could have maintained a new relationship. I was barely able to shower alone.

    So that's where I'm at right now. I'm very aware that this could end in a bit of hurt - which is why I'm consciously putting my friend foot forward.
    So glad you have worked things out. You sound very level headed and someone that rarely lets emotions get the better of them. I think you've handled this situation admirably and you should feel rather proud of yourself. Now, go and treat you and your boys to a milkshake for being such an awesome family.

  2. #32
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    Default Re: Well that was short lived...

    It's so good that you understand where he is at right now. That's one of the hardest things.

    Sometimes or best friendships are people that we have been attracted too. I think that sometimes the instant pull is an indication that they have a role in our lives. Sometimes as a partner, sometimes as a companion or friend.



    Spent from my dome. Excuse autocorrect

  3. #33
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    Default Well that was short lived...

    I was in a similar situation years ago, complete with the manipulative nasty ex. To cut a long story short, we went our separate ways. I moved to the other end of the state and while we still talked occasionally, we had minimal contact for the first 5 or 6 months (it just hurt too much). After that we really couldn't stay away from each other and started talking a lot more and after another 6 months or so we ended up together again. We've been together for 6 years now and 3 kids together, and really couldn't be much happier.

    Good luck. It's probably one of the hardest things I've had to do, but it really was for the best in my situation.

  4. #34
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    I am glad you are feeling better!

    It sounds like you have thought it all through. Just remember you can take it a day at a time. Nothing is set in stone. As much as you would like to remain friends it can be hard to get 'over' someone that way and it may cause you more pain but you will know what is best for you.

  5. #35
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    Default Well that was short lived...

    Thanks ladies. Having just a slight moment of weakness just now. Nothing huge just have a sudden urge to text for no reason. Just cos we normally do. So much self restraint required!!!

  6. #36
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    Eekkkk know that feeling all too well!! You should write yourself a list of things to do if you get the urge ie send a sms to a friend instead!!

  7. #37
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    Just wondering how you are getting on now?

  8. #38
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    Default Well that was short lived...

    Hey there Well I realised it was too difficult to be friends with him when I actually cared about him so I'm avoiding contact at the moment. I've found it quite easy this time because I realised that it was actually hurting me a bit. Out of sight out of mind seems to work so well for me. Plus my life rolls so much better without all the drama from his ex.

    Had a bit of a pregnancy scare though (as we still DTD a bit hence the not being able to be friends thing). But thankfully I think that's behind me ... After a few neg tests.

    I'm just going to get on with my own life and if we happen to cross paths again in the future so be it.

    How are things going with you??

  9. #39
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    You sound so in control of your emotions and your life!! Well done!! Ekkk about the pregnancy scare though!!

    I am still with my partner and things have been as good as they can be. We are keeping a low profile by not involving our children in our relationship too much at the moment, as to avoid more drama with his ex. This will just be the case until their divorce/settlement has gone through which is underway now. He has been reassuring and we are still seeing each other around 3 times a week and the other time I am working on bettering my life (ie reading books about my insecurities and going to try and live a healthier lifestyle exercise etc)
    We are both feeling positive about our future, time will tell.

  10. #40
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    Default Well that was short lived...

    I'm not really in control of my emotions at all


 
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