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  1. #21
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    Don't be hard on yourself! I have been going through the same, like I just want to be left alone. I question whether relationships are worth it for that reason too. Last thing we want is for our children to be affected.
    I admire you for taking the harder option to walk away. It really isn't easy and although you know that time will heal, you are probably wishing time would hurry up!

  2. #22
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    Default Well that was short lived...

    Well it's a comfort to know I'm not alone (not that I want you to feel this way just makes me feel less guilty for wanting alone time).

    I've actually had a really rough ride up until this point as his ex wife blamed me for their split - which is not the case .. But understandable for her to jump to that conclusion considering he starting dating me almost immediately. I've had my name blasted on FB by her and emails sent to one of my employers suggesting they fire me as I'm a homewrecker.

    I've endured a fair bit of flack for even beginning a relationship with him so it's a little disappointing on one hand that it hasn't lasted and all the stress was for nothing - yet on the other hand it means I'm free from the drama of his past. I just feel torn inside.

  3. #23
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    You know, many people feel sorry for and pity single parents - I don't get this because being single teaches you how to be happy on your own and this is an incredibly valuable life tool. It means you will never settle for second best just for the sake of not being alone, and it means that if someone incredibly awesome was to come along they'd have to tick every box otherwise you just won't bother. It gives you a much better sense of self and this is so important for making good decisions in life. Good for you for being sensible and thoughtful regarding new relationships

    PS. I know a lot of people who just can't be alone - they put up with a lot that I personally wouldn't... Just for the sake of not being alone. I think they think I'm the one at a disadvantage.
    Last edited by Ellewood; 15-01-2013 at 16:37.

  4. The Following 6 Users Say Thank You to Ellewood For This Useful Post:

    jagamoe  (12-02-2013),Mokeybear  (11-02-2013),shelle65  (15-01-2013),Siboo  (15-01-2013),Stiflers Mom  (16-01-2013),sunnyflower  (15-01-2013)

  5. #24
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    I agree with the sbove poster.

  6. #25
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    It sounds like we have a similar situation as a lot of the reason we are at this point is because of his ex wife. They split a long while ago but she still didn't like it when I entered his and his childrens lives. I believe I have been so passive and non threatening to her, having understood the position she is in due to my exdh being in a relationship. I am just happy that his partner is a nice lady and a good influence around my children.

    I often wonder whether I am being 'fussy' as everyone has baggage but I'm frightened to deal with it, considering I am amicable with my exdh and our children haven't been affected, how can I allow it in my life by my choice of wanting to be in a relationship. I hope that makes sense.

  7. #26
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    Default Well that was short lived...

    Oh that's horrible. My ex had an affair with my best friend when I was 5 months pregnant and I'm still very civil with him. Friendly in fact and the two of them are still together. I just don't mention her at all.

    This guy I was seeing doesn't actually have children with his ex though so its not about that. It's just about her needing someone to blame, which I understand, but it's a completely unfair situation for me. I've had to endure countless rumours bring spread about me - some getting to my sisters. It's all been a bit of a nightmare but he had been great and so had our relationship. Just horrid timing

  8. #27
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    Well your ex is very lucky you are amicable with him considering the circumstances.
    You sound like a very strong person to endure all you have with your break up when you were pregnant and now going through this with a spiteful woman. I understand she wanted someone to blame but I cannot believe someone would be so awful when she doesn't know all the facts.
    I guess at this point the thing to concentrate on is at least this horrible part is over, you don't need to worry about her anymore. It is emotionally exhausting I'm sure.

  9. #28
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    Default Well that was short lived...

    Yep that's what I'm trying to do. Plus I know it's for the best at this stage regardless of his ex. He has so many issues to sort out and hasn't dealt with any of his emotions. I would've been a mess two years ago if I tried to enter into a new relationship.

    This is the first person I've dated since being single so it's all a bit of a let down to open myself up to possibility but have it be in such undesirable circumstances.

    In regards to my ex - I just decided it was easier to forgive and make peace for the sake of my boys. I'm much happier without him ... But he is a wonderful dad.

  10. #29
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    How are you feeling today? Any better?
    Thinking of you

  11. #30
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    Default Well that was short lived...

    Quote Originally Posted by Siboo View Post
    How are you feeling today? Any better?
    Thinking of you
    Thanks Yeah I am feeling much better today ... I wrote down my feelings about everything last night and I feel very clear headed about it all now. He actually called me last night and we've agreed that seeing each other at this point isn't the best option, cos we can't seem to keep our hands off each other.

    After our phone call though I have a better understanding of what's going on in his head and have decided to keep the lines of communication and support open as a friend. I feel like he needs a few people in his corner as he really is having a tough time and feels unable to speak to his family as they are pretty over bearing. He also doesn't want me out of his life but understands if I need to cut ties for myself.

    I've agreed to maintain this friendship on the grounds that he opens up fully to his psychologist as he has at this stage only spoken to me. I've been through something very similar so I'm completely understanding - but there's no chance he'll start to feel better unless he proactively seeks it.

    I'm not sure yet if this is the wisest decision ... But I can't just walk away from a person I care about who is in a fragile state. So I'm determined to draw a definite line of friendship until he feels good within himself and who knows how either of us will feel then. He said if he could imagine selfishly (which he isn't in the slightest) that he would get better then if I'm still interested in him we could try this again. I told him I'm not making any promises but I'm not shutting him out.

    I didn't realise just how badly he was feeling - as I said I was in this place about 3 years ago and there is no way in the world I could have maintained a new relationship. I was barely able to shower alone.

    So that's where I'm at right now. I'm very aware that this could end in a bit of hurt - which is why I'm consciously putting my friend foot forward.


 

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