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    tiggerfields is offline Priestess of Kult K'iesha... Mooo!
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    Default Shared parenting, new marriage, new baby, how to best support first child?

    I have my beautiful DS6 from my first marriage, which split up when he was just 1yo. XDH and I have shared custody 50/50 since DS started school (I had 70% prior to this) which DS has adjusted well to - he says he prefers to have equal time with mum and dad.

    I married my DH last year. DS and DH get along well - they play together, read books etc. DH does not try to play a 'daddy' role though as DS already has his dad.

    I am 11 weeks with my baby with DH. It's been a rough road to get here and I'm so happy to finally be pregnant with what looks so far to be a healthy baby.

    I will be telling DS in the next few weeks. I have talked with him before about the possibility of having another baby, he knows that I would like to have another one. He has consistently said he doesn't want a brother or sister (especially not a sister!), he's jealous of me and doesn't want to share. Which I can totally understand.

    XDH has had girlfriends but is not re-partnered and not looking like having any more kids in the medium term at least.

    I'm just after any stories or tips from other parents who've been in similar positions. I guess my fears are that the new baby will really damage my relationship with DS and that he might not want to live with us any more. Obviously he's too young to make that call but I'd be so sad if he started saying that he wanted to live with his dad bc of the new baby.

    Any feedback appreciated. TIA

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    Default Shared parenting, new marriage, new baby, how to best support first child?

    Not in a similar situation, but could you try to shift focus on how the baby will be a brother or sister and your ds will have a relationship with it? Talk about relationships and protecting etc etc???

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    My DD is DS's half sister, and came along when he was 4.5. When they are that old, they've had a LONG time as an only child, so yes, the adjustment can be very difficult. DS acted up a lot in the first year, and I won't lie, it was very challenging at times. The good thing is that it has gotten much better with time, especially as DD gets older and able to defend herself (he's pretty rough and tumble at times!). They absolutely adore each other now.

    My advice would be to make sure you spend as much one-on-one time with your DS as you can manage after the baby comes along. The eldest can feel a bit put out, but if you keep showering him with love, attention and affection it should help heaps. I also make sure I tell DS every day how much I love him and how important he is to me. Obviously showing them is vital, but DS is the kind of kid who also needs to hear it every day.

    Good luck, and congratulations on the new baby

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    tiggerfields is offline Priestess of Kult K'iesha... Mooo!
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    Thanks Moongazer. I don't have siblings myself so I can't point to my own experience. I will try to point out other brothers and sisters in the family though, good idea.

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    Default Re: Shared parenting, new marriage, new baby, how to best support first child?

    I have a similar situation, but its my partners daughter who is 3. She already has a brother and sister with her mum, but not at dads. I'm due in 4 weeks and she has barely seen me the entire pregnancy. Only advice I can give, which is what I've been told by other parents, is include the older child as much as possible, and make sure you get your special one on one time with him. Maybe try to take him to an u/s? He will be ok in time. I know my sister hated me for a while when I was born and there's 6 and a half yes between us. We finally get along really well (only took us 23 yes. lol)

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    Thanks Hollywood. I'm really heartened to hear that your kids are getting along now. I'm expecting some upheavals to start with! I'll definitely try to spend as much time as I can with DS after bub is born.

    smidget happy to hear you get along with your sister now, hopefully it doesn't take 23 years for us

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    Default Re: Shared parenting, new marriage, new baby, how to best support first child?

    I've always loved her, but the thing that has bought us the closest together is me being pregnant so close to the birth of her baby girl. We don't constantly fight any more! Every sibling relationship is different, ours was just bad cos we are half European and both VERY stubborn. Lol. My brother and I (he's 6 and a half yrs younger) has always been pretty good though. We never fought to the extent my sister and I did. I'm sure that once your new little one is here your son will love the baby like no one else could

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    Hope so! Thanks


 

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