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  1. #81
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    lambjam is offline Nitwit! Blubber! Oddment! Tweak!
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    Default If you are in a long term relationship

    Quote Originally Posted by Kimberleygal1 View Post
    I think your friend should walk away and stay out of it. It's not up to her to tell the partner. Its not your friends place!
    Whose place is it? I agree that ideally it's the cheating husband's place, but if he refuses?

    Is he really the only one who has the right to decide whether his wife finds out? How is that different to saying that no one should dob in a tax cheat or a bank robber because it's not up to them?
    Last edited by lambjam; 14-01-2013 at 20:35.

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  3. #82
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    Default If you are in a long term relationship

    That's one thing I'm not getting.

    People are saying they would want to know, but only if the cheating husband tells, so if he doesn't then I guess you really don't want to know?

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    Default If you are in a long term relationship

    Quote Originally Posted by shhhsleeping View Post
    That's one thing I'm not getting.

    People are saying they would want to know, but only if the cheating husband tells, so if he doesn't then I guess you really don't want to know?
    I guess I'm looking at it from your friends point of view too when I answer (it's such a difficult issue) but its not just about the wife, it's about what's best for your friend too, if I were you I would just want to make sure she has thought through all possible outcomes for herself. If she feels that this is what she needs to do and that it is the best thing for herself as well, then she should do it face to face, a message over fb doesn't cut it, it doesn't come across as having someone's best interests at heart and I think when breaking this news to the wife, your friend should be coming across as having the best of intentions.

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    I am one who wouldn't want to be told if my partner cheated ONCE and was so hung up over it he'd never consider doing it again... but an affair, I'd want to know.

    I wouldn't care who told me. Well, I might, long-term... he'd have more chance at keeping me if HE confessed, because I could see some value in that. But if he was a lying scumbag who had no intention to ever tell me, and planned to just keep on deceiving me damn straight I'd want someone else to tell me, rather than making me look like some stupid fool who is cheated on every other weekend and doesn't realise it ,for the rest of her life. Cos eff that for a joke.

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    Default If you are in a long term relationship

    This wasn't a one time thing though or a drunken mistake. It lasted 4 months and he was with her 3 or more nights a week, every week!

    My friend is confused. She had read replies and is going to think about it more.

  7. #86
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    London is offline “I think we're losing our sense of humor instead of being able to relax and laugh at ourselves" - Betty White
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    Can your friend give the guy the chance to tell his wife himself? Not blackmail him with "you do it or I will" but tell him that he should tell his wife before she finds out some other way and leave it at that and hope he does tell his wife.

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    Oh, I know that Shhh... I was more responding to how the replies have gone otherwise (kind of off topic from the specific situation you mentioned... lol).

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    Quote Originally Posted by butterfly2013 View Post
    I hope you never have to experience that kind of deceit first hand.
    My dad cheated on my mum for years and she chose to turn a blind eye on it.
    So yes I experience the deceit second hand (I only put the pieces together years later as an adult). Also I felt cheated as a daughter as well as I think my dad was lying to the whole family.
    It took time to both be at peace with mum and dad. I know for a fact that some women chose to not see the hints, Im not blaming them and def not saying that any women that have been cheating on is/was in that boat.

    Didn't want to hurt anyone!

  11. #89
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    There is a level of disgust and shame you feel after finding out you have been cheated on first hand that is hard to shake. Finding out your parents were in a deceptive marriage is one thing.....finding out you are/were in one is another, IMO.

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    Default If you are in a long term relationship

    Quote Originally Posted by shhhsleeping View Post
    This wasn't a one time thing though or a drunken mistake. It lasted 4 months and he was with her 3 or more nights a week, every week!

    My friend is confused. She had read replies and is going to think about it more.
    With these stats surely the Mrs would know something's up. No need for your friend to blab.


 

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