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  1. #71
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    Default If you are in a long term relationship

    As someone in a long term relationship (married) I would certainly want to know I don't care if it was a drunken one night stand, a full blown affair, a cyber affair, kisses and cuddles, if my husband was doing that behind my back I would sure as hell want to know, and I wouldn't care who told me the mailman, the mistress, her mother... If I'm being faithful and giving all my love to my husband I expect the same from him. Why should he get a pass, and good on your friend for doing what a husband is supposed to do for wife BE HONEST... Then the wife has the chance to decide if she wants to stay or wants to go. I know if it were my husband I would hope it was the best s*x of his life because when I got done with him he would never be able to use his member to break another heart the way he broke mine... What a jack@ss... Cheating is not ok no matter the excuse... Marriage is marriage remember for better or worse not ill be faithful to you as long as you iron all my shirts, have dinner on the table by 7 everynight, pleasure me when I say, etc... That's just my opinion I think you're friend is gem for wanting to do something she doesn't have to do.

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    Alicia92  (14-01-2013)

  3. #72
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    Default If you are in a long term relationship

    NellyS, isn't being cheating on part of the worse in the "for better or for worse"?

    OP you have your answer though, a vast majority would like to know.
    If your friend go ahead with the letter/FB mail, it might be good that she gets a good friend (you?) to read over it before sending it off.
    So you can make sure it's as factual and gentle as possible. It might be hard for your friend to do so since she was sentimentally involved.

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    shhhsleeping  (14-01-2013)

  5. #73
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    Default If you are in a long term relationship

    Quote Originally Posted by Lili81 View Post
    NellyS, isn't being cheating on part of the worse in the "for better or for worse"?

    OP you have your answer though, a vast majority would like to know.
    If your friend go ahead with the letter/FB mail, it might be good that she gets a good friend (you?) to read over it before sending it off.
    So you can make sure it's as factual and gentle as possible. It might be hard for your friend to do so since she was sentimentally involved.
    Exactly better or for worse I didn't say I would cheat on him because he did it to me and didn't say I'd leave him, but It would def change how I saw him, trust is the hardest thing to build, forgiving is easy life after that not so much. But his wife def should be informed of who she is kissing, sleeping with and loving because obviously he doesn't value it as much as he does, or maybe she cheated first and that's why he did we don't know it's not our marriage. Either way was just giving my opinion if I was the wife I would like to know

    Totally agree getting another pair of eyes to read over it before its sent.

  6. #74
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    Default If you are in a long term relationship

    Quote Originally Posted by babyla View Post
    Very messy and it seems as though her motives maybe to hurt him rather than 'enlighten' his wife..
    I agree with this.

    But yes I'd want to know. It's a deal breaker for me so even though I'd be crushed, I'd rather know. People don't cheat if they're happy at home, so it means there's a major issue in the marriage anyway IMO.

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  8. #75
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    Default If you are in a long term relationship

    Quote Originally Posted by SassyMummy View Post
    I think that's a little unfair to the women here who have been cheated on without them knowing any better Lili.

    There's usually a way to explain away their behaviour though.

    Nobody WANTS to think their partner is cheating, so even if they have doubts, they can say to themselves, "Well, I'm probably just being silly... there's this and this and this that could explain that just as easy as cheating!"

    You don't want to accuse your partner of cheating every time they seem a little different to usual... and if you're a rational person, you could explain a change in behaviour many many ways, with cheating being only one option.
    Well said Sassy

  9. #76
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    I often wonder if my ex cheated on me with his now-wife.

    Pretty much how it went:
    *She started working at the restaurant he was working at (yep, chef so crazy hours - no set home time, and they'd all often have a beer after work anyway)
    *We broke up not long after.
    *She moved in to our place almost as soon as I moved out. In the room that was previously DD's and as far as I was aware at the time, it was just to help with rent costs (because it was difficult for him to pay completely on his own).
    *Few months later DD lets slip that he and the new "roommate" shared a bed.
    *Few more months and he follows her overseas, impregnates her and now they're married.

    So... I mean, I don't even know if I was cheated on. I suspect I may have been, given how quickly it all progressed... so it is very possible to be cheated on and not know... or to possibly be cheated on and never know too, as it is here... lol.

    In this case, I'd rather know, just because it doesn't hurt to hate him just a bit more than I already do... lol. Nah, it would just be good to know either way, so I'm not curious... but I never wondered it while we were still together.

  10. #77
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    Default Re: If you are in a long term relationship

    Quote Originally Posted by Lili81 View Post
    I kind of think that some partners chose not to see the cheating going on.When you are living together and in a relationship for a while, how can one not see that their OH is cheating? (I am genuinely curious - not attacking anyone!)I have no idea how I could have an affair without my DH noticing a change in behavior.I would start keeping my phone very close to my heart would be upper careful not to check my emails/FB from home anymore and would prob be a lot less at home too.I am just saying that maybe the wife kind of know that something is wrong but chose to turn a blind eye??Just another option.
    I honestly had NO idea, both times. I trusted both of these guys whole heartedly and thought there was no chance they would ever do that to me. The 8 year relationship I thought was going to be the rest of my life, future father of my children etc etc and he never showed any signs that he was cheating or unhappy in our relationship at all, no change in behaviour, nothing.Everyone we knew was absolutely shocked when our relationship ended and found out he'd cheated several times, we were the couple 'everyone wanted to be like'. I think some woman do have an idea and either chose to turn a blind eye or think they are just being crazy. Perhaps because it is just so damn painful. I think your question is a tad insensitive given the nature of some of the posts in this thread but I also realise you seem genuinely curious. I hope you never have to experience that kind of deceit first hand. It literally feels like your whole relationship was a lie and your life has been ripped out from under you.


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  11. #78
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    Default If you are in a long term relationship

    I knew someone who went though the same thing, funny enough he was also a chef, & he was having relations with the front of house supervisor, she found out somehow, pretty sure he told her, but sad thing was 3 weeks later she was involved in a car accident, and was never the same again he quit work to look after the kids and she(supervisor) never heard from him again! If it was me yes I would want to know!!

  12. #79
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lili81 View Post
    I kind of think that some partners chose not to see the cheating going on.When you are living together and in a relationship for a while, how can one not see that their OH is cheating?.
    This is what i can't get my head around also. He was at her place 4-5 nights a week for 3 months! leaving at 2,3,4,6am! I just don't know how she doesn't know.

  13. #80
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    I've been cheated on before I was suspicious because there was a different color body wash as his house, plus one night I went there there were 2 plates on his sink instead of 1 (dinner plates) I confronted him and he denied it and denied it and denied it. Then he got really really weird and I kept asking him what was wrong and he confessed he had cheated and she was pregnant. I was crushed!
    I found out a few months later, that is why I think she has a right to know, no matter who it comes from. This girl is happy and thinks they are happy, they have 2 kids, she should have a right to know so if she wants to leave because of it she can.

    If he can do it once, whats to say he wont do it again?

    I'm going to direct my friend to this post so she can get a wider range of advise and she can decide what she wants to do.

    thank you to all those who replied.


 

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