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  1. #61
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    Default If you are in a long term relationship

    I kind of think that some partners chose not to see the cheating going on.When you are living together and in a relationship for a while, how can one not see that their OH is cheating? (I am genuinely curious - not attacking anyone!)I have no idea how I could have an affair without my DH noticing a change in behavior.I would start keeping my phone very close to my heart would be upper careful not to check my emails/FB from home anymore and would prob be a lot less at home too.I am just saying that maybe the wife kind of know that something is wrong but chose to turn a blind eye??Just another option.
    Last edited by ExcuseMyFrench; 14-01-2013 at 13:11.

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    I think that's a little unfair to the women here who have been cheated on without them knowing any better Lili.

    There's usually a way to explain away their behaviour though.

    Nobody WANTS to think their partner is cheating, so even if they have doubts, they can say to themselves, "Well, I'm probably just being silly... there's this and this and this that could explain that just as easy as cheating!"

    You don't want to accuse your partner of cheating every time they seem a little different to usual... and if you're a rational person, you could explain a change in behaviour many many ways, with cheating being only one option.

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  5. #63
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    LifeInShadesOfGrey is offline Just a little bit silly :)
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    Default If you are in a long term relationship

    Quote Originally Posted by SassyMummy View Post
    I think that's a little unfair to the women here who have been cheated on without them knowing any better Lili.

    There's usually a way to explain away their behaviour though.

    Nobody WANTS to think their partner is cheating, so even if they have doubts, they can say to themselves, "Well, I'm probably just being silly... there's this and this and this that could explain that just as easy as cheating!"

    You don't want to accuse your partner of cheating every time they seem a little different to usual... and if you're a rational person, you could explain a change in behaviour many many ways, with cheating being only one option.
    Well said.

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    Quote Originally Posted by SassyMummy View Post
    I think that's a little unfair to the women here who have been cheated on without them knowing any better Lili.
    SassyMummy, that was an honest and candide question! Sorry didn't want to upset you or anyone.

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    I think with kids, jobs, social lives etc sometimes things can easily go unnoticed. Honestly, at the moment I am so busy with the kids I probably wouldn't know if my husband was casually seeing someone, assuming he was only seeing her a couple of times a week. I mean, I don't look in his phone, his work hours are not the regular 9-5 job, he could very easily be catching up with someone after work a couple of times a week. We live away from all our mutual friends, so he could easily be saying he's going to his mate's house and I wouldn't know if he really was or wasn't.

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    Default If you are in a long term relationship

    I would absolutely want to know if I was the wife.

    But I don't think your friend (the mistress) should tell her lovers wife. That just smacks of wanting to get back at her lover and will only serve to prolong his involvement in her life. Let them deal with their marriage issues on their own. It will implode soon enough.

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    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    I would absolutely want to know if I was the wife.

    But I don't think your friend (the mistress) should tell her lovers wife. That just smacks of wanting to get back at her lover and will only serve to prolong his involvement in her life.
    I heartily disagree - the jealous ex- lover is such a cliche! Also, she broke it off after she found out. Hardly the desperate, stalking 'other woman' we hear so much about on TV. If it were me I'd want the wife to know for her own sake, not mine.

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    Having been recently cheated on, I would say yes I'd want to know, and yes she would be welcome to tell me. The longer it goes on the worse it hurts, and the longer the wife is in the dark the worse it gets IMO. Plus she is at risk of sti's etc, and has a right to know. I don't care about the motivation of the other woman, the wife's needs come first in this situation and she has a right to know.

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  14. #69
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lili81 View Post
    I kind of think that some partners chose not to see the cheating going on.When you are living together and in a relationship for a while, how can one not see that their OH is cheating? (I am genuinely curious - not attacking anyone!)I have no idea how I could have an affair without my DH noticing a change in behavior.I would start keeping my phone very close to my heart would be upper careful not to check my emails/FB from home anymore and would prob be a lot less at home too.I am just saying that maybe the wife kind of know that something is wrong but chose to turn a blind eye??Just another option.
    I was cheated on, off and on, for an entire 6yr relationship. FOB was a bartender......so he was at work nights and weird hours. After the bar closed they had to clean and do tills etc. ...plenty of time for him to give someone a lift home and have a quicky. All the girls knew he was in a relationship as i would often be at the bar to visit him or hang out for a bit...they also all knew when I was pregnant with his child......one of the girls was a friend of ours (or so I thought). They all smiled to my face and had sex with my fiance behind my back. I did have a feeling he might have cheated once or twice but turned a blind eye...it wasnt until we were over that i found out just how many there were.

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    wow London, this is awful...
    So sorry you had to go through that.

    I can see how it would be impossible to know if something dodgy is going on when the OH has non-office work schedule. I have a close friend in the hospitality industry and he tells us that there are a lot of temptations.


 

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