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  1. #51
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    The friend doesn't have the responsibility of 'having' to tell, but in the OP it says she wants to. If she wants to tell because she thinks the partner should know, then I think she's free to do so.

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    Quote Originally Posted by MissMuppet View Post
    The friend doesn't have the responsibility of 'having' to tell, but in the OP it says she wants to. If she wants to tell because she thinks the partner should know, then I think she's free to do so.
    Fair point. I just think she should consider all possible ramifications of her telling not just for the wife but for herself also.

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    Don't get me wrong, I definitely don't think she'd be doing the 'wrong' thing by NOT telling, and I agree she has no obligation to tell (although I do think she kind of does). But I also disagree that we should always only look out for ourselves. It is very unfortunate and sad for the friend that she has been dragged into such a sh!tty situation, but like Miss Muppet said, the wife is in a very vulnerable position where she is being betrayed by a man she loves and trusts, and decisions about her future with him are effectively being made FOR her if she doesn't know the full story.

    The people who would want to know but not from the 'other woman'- if she was the ONLY other person who knew, apart from your hubby who won't tell, would you really just rather not know?

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  6. #54
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    I would want to know.

    Hearing something like that from a stranger would be an awful way to find out - but I really don't think there is a good way to find out something like that.

    Perhaps the wife has already suspected something anyway?

    Either way, I think your friend would be doing her a favour by telling her.

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    If it was me i would want to know.

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    Default If you are in a long term relationship

    My sister was in a similar position to your friend. She told (and I think it was via FB!) The partner was dubious and taken aback at first but as sister knew details about the guy (and I think had texts from him) she was believed.

    My sis felt that the partner had the right to know, and also that this guy shouldn't get away with #%^*ing two women and lying to them both.

    I think the partner ended up staying with the guy but sis felt that she had done the right thing and had a clear conscience.

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  10. #57
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    I don't know. I'd definitely want to know myself, but I don't know that I'd want to hear it from a stranger through FB.
    Don't know what I'd do in that situation if I'm honest. Perhaps make a fake profile to tell said person? That way the conscience is clear and there's no risk of weirdo stalking etc. *chuckle*

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    If it was an affair - then yes, I'd want to know.

    If it was a drunken once-off and he felt guilty and it'd never happen again, I'd rather not know.

    In the case of the OP, yes, I'd want to know. I wouldn't INSTANTLY believe the chick telling me these things, but it'd make me suspicious enough to look into it more.

    Perhaps your friend needs to cool off a bit first, think it over, and then write a letter, a nice, friendly one. She could also supply, say, an eMail account to be contacted on, because I bet the wife will have questions, but I think if your friend just rings up/shows up with this news, the wife is likely to be on the defensive and it'd just get kind of messy and wrong. I think she could tell the wife in writing, let the wife stew on it for a bit... and if she leaves a contact, the wife can get in contact and discuss it further IF she wants to.

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    Default If you are in a long term relationship

    Quote Originally Posted by Lili81 View Post
    To me cheating is the consequence of a deeper issue. I do hope I would be able to understand that I have a deep issue in my relationship before Im being told I have a very high fever.

    The thing is, if I'm being told Im being cheated on, I would be very very very emotional and would not be able to work on the deeper issue anymore. I want to believe I would be able to fix my relationship and make it stronger.

    Anyway, all situations are different. I know of relationships where one has strayed, that are still alive and better than ever. I know of other relationship where one has strayed, kept straying and will most probably keep straying.......

    It's not a black and white answer :-)
    Fair enough, well said 😃

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    Yep, I absolutely think your friend should tell the wife, the sooner the better.

    I used to go out every weekend in my early 20's and used to get hit on by married/coupled men sometimes - I used to tell them to go away and that I felt sorry for their wives/girlfriends.

    Would you rather be the pittied partner, sitting at home thinking about how wonderful your hubby is, while he's out playing you for a fool? No way hose! Not in a million years. If your're ok with your partner cheating then at least be informed about it!


 

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