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  1. #41
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    Default Re: If you are in a long term relationship

    Havn't read all the replies but I believe she has the right to know and your friend has a right to tell her, even if it's messy.

    IMO I would tell her, but I would to a fair extent expect her to go into denial and either throw it back in my face or claim I'm some weird stalker liar. Hopefully she would take it in though.

    Either way I would feel I'd done the right thing and given her the chance to know the truth, as I don't think it's fair to be left in the dark that you are being cheated on . Then I would cut ties and try to repair my own life. Im sure your friend is heartbroken and would need a lot of support right now How awful for her.

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  3. #42
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    Default Re: If you are in a long term relationship

    I would want to know and would definatly be the end of the relationship. If someone said to me my parnter cheated I would confront my partner and ask for the truth in a nice way then turn into a mega bit c h and tell him where to go! I hate liars and cant stand it when people cheat no excuses!!!

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    I would def want to know and if in your friends situation, I would definitely tell her.

    I would send a letter over a fb message though if she has their address and address it to the wife.

    I would keep it simple but include enough detail for her to be able to check (say a list of several dates that they were together so the wife can truth check it).

    In the letter I would apologise and explain that she broke it off when she found out he was in a committed relationship.

    hugs, it sucks to be in her position...heart broken and guilty for something she didn't even know about. I think it is honourable to want to tell the partner, I wish more people had her values.

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  6. #44
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    Yes I would want to know. I think it is very honourable of your friend to break it off with him and I believe telling the partner is the right thing to do as I believe she has a right to know, and probably won't find out unless your friend tells her. We don't know, maybe the wife suspects something and just needs that last little clue to give her what she needs to leave. Maybe its happened before and he's on his last chance. I think she needs to know.

    As PP said your friend is probably quite upset now as well and I think she needs to prepare herself for the fact that the wife might be angry, and she might not believe her but at least she'll know she's done the right thing by telling her.

  7. #45
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    I think your friend should walk away and stay out of it. It's not up to her to tell the partner. Its not your friends place!

  8. #46
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    Genuinely curious why people are saying its not the friends place to tell, and that it could get 'messy'?

    The situation is already messy

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  10. #47
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    Whose place is it then? Can only the cheating partner tell? That's unlikely in many cases and lets them just keep on cheating.

    My friends partner was cheating. His best mate told him. My friend was extremely grateful that his friend was looking out for him. He broke off the relationship, moved on and found someone wonderful.

    When cheating is kept in a shroud of secrecy where noone wants to get involved it leaves the cheated on partner in a vulnerable position. Instead of deciding whether to stay or go, the decision is effectively made for them and they just get strung along.

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  12. #48
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    Quote Originally Posted by Annabella View Post
    Genuinely curious why people are saying its not the friends place to tell, and that it could get 'messy'?

    The situation is already messy
    I agree it is messy. I think it's really important for the friend to think about what is the best thing for herself as well - it's nice to be able to say you want to do the right thing and tell the wife but at what expense to yourself in the situation as well.

    I agree with everyone - I would want to know. But if I were in your friends position (I never have been) there is no way in hell I would want to get further entangled in someone elses potential marriage break down at the risk of possible abuse, humiliation and accusations for the sake of 'doing the right thing'.

    I would walk away. Yes it seems unfair to the wife but it is also unfair to the friend to think that this responsibility of informing the wife lies on her shoulders. It doesn't.

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  14. #49
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    Default Re: If you are in a long term relationship

    I agree with babyla also.

    I tjink she has the right to tell her and the wife has a right to know.
    At the end of the day though it's not your friends fault and she needs to do whatever is right for her.

    I certainly disagree that's its 'Not her place' though. She was directly involved/affected.. when is it not someones place to tell the truth? When is it someones duty to hold a lie for a scumbag? Just my opinion of course

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    Default Re: If you are in a long term relationship

    I agree with babyla also.

    I tjink she has the right to tell her and the wife has a right to know.
    At the end of the day though it's not your friends fault and she needs to do whatever is right for her.

    I certainly disagree that's its 'Not her place' though. She was directly involved/affected.. when is it not someones place to tell the truth? When is it someones duty to hold a lie for a scumbag? Just my opinion of course

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