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  1. #21
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    Default If you are in a long term relationship

    If my friend doesn't tell the partner, she will never know.

  2. #22
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    HugsBunny is offline Once upon a time there was a bunny.........
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    Quote Originally Posted by shhhsleeping View Post
    It's not to hurt him. But he has admitted he won't tell his partner (they aren't married) I and my friend thinks she should know. She would be staying with him not knowing the truth about him, he is going behind her back and lying to her, doesn't she have a right to know?

    But neither of us are in a long term relationship, which is why I asked here.

    From what I can gather you would want to know, but it can't come from the other woman. So if my friend shouldn't tell her then she won't know.
    I can't say for sure that I'd want to know, but I CAN say for sure that I wouldn't want to find out via facebook.

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    Default If you are in a long term relationship

    Hmm I would want to know but I would also be embarrassed as hell if a friend told me. I would feel uncomfortable and make excuses etc. is there a way you can plant a seed? Ie. mention in conversation that you have a friend going through this and maybe ask her opinion? Maybe she suspects?

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    lambjam is offline Nitwit! Blubber! Oddment! Tweak!
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    Default If you are in a long term relationship

    Quote Originally Posted by Lovemyfam View Post
    Well I wouldnt care if her only intention was to hurt my husband because that kind of hurt is no where near the hurt he would feel from me lol
    Yes, I don't think her intention really matters. What matters is that his partner is no longer exposed to STDs, no longer putting her heart and soul into a relationship based on lies, no longer wasting her life.

    I think she should be told, but ideally by her partner... If this is put to him and he refuses then any subsequent fallout from the friend telling her is his problem.

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    Default If you are in a long term relationship

    No I wouldn't want to know unless he is planning on leaving

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    Default If you are in a long term relationship

    Quote Originally Posted by Lili81 View Post
    No I wouldn't want to know unless he is planning on leaving
    Really? Doesn't that leave him available to do it again? What if you found out - would YOU leave? Ignorance is bliss with some issues but i think you'd be doing yourself a disservice by having a partner who is willing to cheat on you.

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    Default If you are in a long term relationship

    I don't really understand people saying they would want to know but not from her?? Does that mean that if he wouldn't say anything you would rather not know?

    If my DP was cheating and wouldn't tell me, I don't care who does tell me I sure as hell want to know! Whoever it comes from it is still going to hurt.

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    Given that it only ended because your friend did the right thing and walked away (unless i am reading it wrong?), I would definitely tell. This wasn't a drunk, one night, horrible mistake.. This was an affair. He didn't want it to end. This shows me that he is more than capable of doing it again.

    While everyone is different, I personally would not be able to forgive the above scenario in my own relationship and I think I would base my decision off that. I would present her with the information (as much as will be necessary/helpful for the wife in ascertaining the seriousness of the affair) and feel that what she does with this info is her own choice to make.

    i believe that if I were to receive a msg of this nature I would put a lot of consideration into whether it could be true or not... No way would I choose to blindly ignore it, as trustworthy as dh is.

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    Quote Originally Posted by AppleIsleSMum View Post
    I don't really understand people saying they would want to know but not from her?? Does that mean that if he wouldn't say anything you would rather not know?

    If my DP was cheating and wouldn't tell me, I don't care who does tell me I sure as hell want to know! Whoever it comes from it is still going to hurt.
    I agree.

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    Default Re: If you are in a long term relationship

    Just so your friend is aware, if she doesn't have the partner as a friend on facebook the message will go to another folder 'other messages' that will probably never be seen. So if she really wants her to know, facebook isn't the place.

    I'd want to know, but no specifics... That would be rubbing it in. I would encourage the husband tell her instead.


 

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