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  1. #11
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    Default Is it fair to push for this?

    Quote Originally Posted by ourbradybunch View Post
    When me & DH got together I said I definetly DIDN'T want more kids.

    A year in I realized I'd changed my mind after ALOT of tears I told him, he said he needed time to think about it. He came back said he was on board but only 1 more.
    This is pretty much what happened with me and DH. I always thought I was happy with my DD from a previous relationship and honestly didn't think I wanted more then after we were together a year or so something in me just clicked and I realized I wanted one so I kept making hints and then we had a conversation about it. He said he needed to think about it as he is younger than me so it wasn't something he had given much thought before and then he came to me about 6 months later and said he was ready. So we decided to try after our wedding and here I am 11 weeks pregnant!
    I think you need to let him know how you feel and your reasons for wanting one sooner and see how he takes it. Most guys don't like feeling pressured but if you just talk about it then let him sit on it he might come round to the idea.

  2. #12
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    I think opening the discussion is a very responsible thing to do. You need to know what each others expectations are when it comes to children, age gaps, long term plans etc.

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    I met DP and told him that I already had one kid and didnt want any more so if being a dad was something he wanted then we wouldnt bother starting a relationship. He was fine with that and we started dating. 7yr later and we are expecting in May
    Time does change peoples views on thing.....but not always.

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    headoverfeet is offline The truth will set you free, but first it will **** you off. -Gloria Steinem
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    I think you should tell him what you wrote here

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    Default Is it fair to push for this?

    Is it fair to push for a baby?
    Hmmm maybe just talk about what you want and why. Normally I would say you're both young and at 25 he's young so if he's not ready leave it for a while. BUT he's already a parent, settled with responsibilities and doing the family thing so age isn't really an issue here I guess.
    Maybe a compromise of not right now but next year type thing?

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    it's not fair to push anyone into having a baby.

    it is fair to raise the topic and say how you feel though...in fact, i would say it is vital to.

    let him know where you are at...and then let him figure out how he fits into that.

    then, once he has had some time to think it over, talk again.

    good luck,

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    THanks everyone.

    Marriage isn't expected before children in his family - I think only one of them got married before kids... his Mum had his oldest sister at 16, and wasn't married... I know the sister that lives here (the one I moan about the most... lol) wasn't married until she had 2 kids... and while I want to get married, that's not something that I feel is getting harder as years go by... unlike kids....

    He wants kids, I just think he's not considered when. If we didn't already have DD, then it would be different... but we've been living the family life, with a child (together) since late 2008, so I mean, it's not a new thing... and I figure if we're doing it now, we might as well hurry it along a little.

    When I said push, I didn't exactly mean pressure... he is the type that wouldn't bow to pressure anyway, and would just oppose me just because I was pressuring... that's how he responds to that... lol. I guess I meant push as in... push that it's important to me. Push that we talk about it. Push that he seriously considers my stance. Push that, rather than push him into a baby exactly. Push that he considers and thinks...

    I might bring it up when I feel it'll be a good time to do so.

    Thanks guys.

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    Default Is it fair to push for this?

    I think it's completely reasonable to raise the subject and discuss the points exactly like you have here. But IMO I don't think it's fair to 'push'.

    Whilst he is obviously a great father figure to your DD, he is still very young and probably why he hasn't been actively thinking dates for his own kids. Most men don't think in detail like we do either!

    Also you state that if he wants more than 2 kids then 'bad luck', you aren't interested....so I think it's more reasonable for you guys to discuss BOTH expectations and wants for your future together. It shouldn't just be what and when you want it IYKWIM.

    Also just want to remind you that you aren't even close to old! I'm nearly 36 and about to have my 2nd. DH and I travelled before having DS1. So maybe if he isn't emotionally ready to have a baby next year, you could go on an awesome trip instead and start TTC the year after?

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    Default Is it fair to push for this?

    Totally reasonable to bring it up with him. 24 is pretty young for a guy to be ready to try for kids (well in my experience anyway) but you've already been living together with your daughter for a few years, so he knows what family life is all about.

    I don't think you are pushing, just bringing it up for discussion and trying to put some time frames on things. If you say "well in say a year or so, I'd really like us to be trying for a baby" that's totally reasonable. It gives him awhile to get used to the idea and its going to be a couple of years before the child actually shows up.

    You shouldn't be afraid to say what you want, and you aren't saying you want a baby ASAP, just that you want it to be on the radar.

  11. #20
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    Yes! You want babies, he wants babies, he just hasn't committed to a "when" yet... feel free to push away! Do eeeet!


 

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