I plan on going back to work FT after bubs is 6mths old. I will do the morning childcare drop and DH will do the arvo pick up (or other way around depending on meetings etc).
Then at home, we share laundry/cooking/grocery/cleaning chores.
I don't think I would have married the man if it was any other way :-p
I agree with this.
OP I think I was just a little put off by your thought process and wording in your OP... The way you said you just want to sit in the garden all day felt a bit disrespectful to SAHM's who really don't sit around all day, and also disrespectful to your husband. You've since explained you don't just sit around all day so I get that that's not what you intended in your OP.
Also, I don't really think its fair that your husband is calling the shots here - I bet it suited him just fine that you took time off work to raise the kids after they were born! Now it suits him that you just slot back into your working life when the kids go off to school just so easily. I think that's quite unfair of him, but I also don't know why you guys didn't discuss these things before the kids came along...?
It's good that at least you have access to work in your field and flexibility as you need it. If your Husband resents it that's not going to go away so you really do need to nut this out with him and come up with a solution that will suit you both and not just him.
PS I love my garden too. I feel so lucky to have a garden
Agree with all meet the Bluths said.
I would not appreciate having a partner who sat in the garden all day.
I would also not appreciate having a partner who kept saying I needed to go back to work ASAP after I'd been out of paid work having children.
Just on another note, I just advertised 2 jobs for 3 hours weekdays in school hours and not one single mother of school age applied. Dozens and dozens of women with infants, Uni students, older people etc applied but not a single mum of kids in school and I thought the job would be ideal for that group.
Don't work (outside the home) if you don't want to OP. If you can reach some kind of agreement with your partner so that you are both happy with the arrangement then there is absolutely no requirement you need to be employed. No matter what other people say - it's "lazy" to stay home, "selfish" to take care of the house during the day and take care of your garden - what bullsh1t, it's your life, and ultimately only your family matters in this decision.
The only reason absolutely every person should be in paid employment is to serve the economy, and if you're not happy doing it, then don't.
I hope you and hubby reach somewhere you are both comfortable.
I don't think it is selfish at all. Generation after generations of mothers have stayed at home to care for their children and never worked outside of the home. They cooked up a storm so their family ate healthy, worked in the garden to grow their ouwn fruit and vegetables, volunteered at the schools etc.
I think it's really special to care for your family that way if it is what suits you. That discussion is up to you and your husband over the next couple of years.
No one can tell you what's right and whats wrong. My mum doesn't work. Her dream is to do just that. As a child she had two dads walk out on her, 3 younger siblings to look after as her mum had to constantly work (and still does at 70). She didn't want that life for her children.
Do I think she is selfish....hell no. We all make life decisions based on experience and dreams. If you and your hubby can't sort it out maybe work a couple of days a week to comprimise
Saying I want to sit in the garden all day wasn't something I literally do or would, i love my garden and could but ofcourse im more busy than that. I thought people would get that. I have a 2 and 3 year old, of course I'm busy.
I was thrown back by the lazy comments though, if you're a sahm and not contributing financially you're lazy or my dh 'slaving away at work' while 'I do nothing' is abit off to say. Just because you work outside the home doesn't make you more valuable, the work of a sahm is just as valuable. Money isn't everything, and I'm not setting a bad example to my daughter either. I have the right to make a choice about how I want to live, dh isn't supporting me, he's supporting our family, his job is just of a few we both do in order for this household to run, his just makes money, mine doesn't.
I will most likely work from home or start my business. At the moment though, the way I feel I want to be a full time sahm, my mind is changed from wanting a big career (and it'll probably change again) I have my degree, I have my experience, I can get back into it at any time if I NEED to.
Because we're renting and renovating and money gets tight he says it and I cringe when I think about it. In 2-3 years and we're more comfortable and the time comes I'm certain we'll talk properly about it and see where we are.
Thanks everyone for your contribution. I didn't want this to be a debate or become an us vs them type thing. We're all different and have different lives and needs/wants, what woks for you or what you could/couldn't do doesn't apply to me.
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