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  1. #51
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    Quote Originally Posted by missie_mack View Post
    Very few people are fortunate enough to have a job that is exclusively school hours and have to pay for before and after school care as well as holiday care. This all starts at about $60 a day around here ($30 for mornings and same again for afternoons) and most people pay for this until at least high school....
    This is why if a hubby insists she work, he has to pull his weight with the kids. Inc financially. So OSHC is $30 after the rebate per day, both posting it...she would have to be extremely unlucky to land a job that wouldn't make it worthwhile.

  2. #52
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    Default Work and sahm

    Quote Originally Posted by Someones Mummy View Post
    At the moment I do everything, I always have, I get up at 6am to make his lunch, I clean up after him, he has dinner on the table, food in the fridge, his clothes cleaned, a spotless house, he literally doesn't even take the bins out. I do everything!! And I like it (and so does he) He won't help when I go back to work, I know because I've worked full time and still had to do it all, this time I'll be doing it with kids aswell.
    If you go back to work FT and household work is not shared 50/50 then it's a whole different story. :-O

    I plan on going back to work FT after bubs is 6mths old. I will do the morning childcare drop and DH will do the arvo pick up (or other way around depending on meetings etc).
    Then at home, we share laundry/cooking/grocery/cleaning chores.
    I don't think I would have married the man if it was any other way :-p

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  4. #53
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    Quote Originally Posted by missie_mack View Post
    I don't understand your concern. Surely raising children is a full time job on its own. If we put our children into childcare most of us expect the childcare to spend the whole day entertaining and supervising our children, why should children have less than this simply because they have a parent home with them? Why is childrearing not a valid and valued career? And surely if a husband can finish his work day and have time out the same option should be afforded to those who work in the home? Why are they less than because they are not bringing in a income as such? Being a SAHM is not an abbreviation for Stay At Home Maid! Spending time with children who need or want that attention is valued and important, it is moulding them into the person they will be. I really really hate the whole stepford wife suggestion and more so when it is implied that one is less valued for spending time with children over housework.

    I agree with this.

    OP I think I was just a little put off by your thought process and wording in your OP... The way you said you just want to sit in the garden all day felt a bit disrespectful to SAHM's who really don't sit around all day, and also disrespectful to your husband. You've since explained you don't just sit around all day so I get that that's not what you intended in your OP.

    Also, I don't really think its fair that your husband is calling the shots here - I bet it suited him just fine that you took time off work to raise the kids after they were born! Now it suits him that you just slot back into your working life when the kids go off to school just so easily. I think that's quite unfair of him, but I also don't know why you guys didn't discuss these things before the kids came along...?

    It's good that at least you have access to work in your field and flexibility as you need it. If your Husband resents it that's not going to go away so you really do need to nut this out with him and come up with a solution that will suit you both and not just him.

    Good luck.

    PS I love my garden too. I feel so lucky to have a garden

  5. #54
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    Default Work and sahm

    Agree with all meet the Bluths said.

    I would not appreciate having a partner who sat in the garden all day.

    I would also not appreciate having a partner who kept saying I needed to go back to work ASAP after I'd been out of paid work having children.

    Just on another note, I just advertised 2 jobs for 3 hours weekdays in school hours and not one single mother of school age applied. Dozens and dozens of women with infants, Uni students, older people etc applied but not a single mum of kids in school and I thought the job would be ideal for that group.

  6. #55
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    Don't work (outside the home) if you don't want to OP. If you can reach some kind of agreement with your partner so that you are both happy with the arrangement then there is absolutely no requirement you need to be employed. No matter what other people say - it's "lazy" to stay home, "selfish" to take care of the house during the day and take care of your garden - what bullsh1t, it's your life, and ultimately only your family matters in this decision.
    The only reason absolutely every person should be in paid employment is to serve the economy, and if you're not happy doing it, then don't.
    I hope you and hubby reach somewhere you are both comfortable.

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  8. #56
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    Default Work and sahm

    Quote Originally Posted by Lincolns mummy View Post
    Do people who stay at home after kids begin school worry about superannuation? I am a SAHM and will be until my children are at school and then I will return to work, hopefully in school hours. Mainly because we want to be able to retire and do everything we dream of.
    I wonder about this too. Our generation aren't going to have old age pensions, we have to rely on our super. I'm 33 so I have at least 30 more years of working ahead of me. I don't understand how single income families will be able to live on just the husband's super.

  9. #57
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    Hi OP

    I don't think it is selfish at all. Generation after generations of mothers have stayed at home to care for their children and never worked outside of the home. They cooked up a storm so their family ate healthy, worked in the garden to grow their ouwn fruit and vegetables, volunteered at the schools etc.

    I think it's really special to care for your family that way if it is what suits you. That discussion is up to you and your husband over the next couple of years.

    No one can tell you what's right and whats wrong. My mum doesn't work. Her dream is to do just that. As a child she had two dads walk out on her, 3 younger siblings to look after as her mum had to constantly work (and still does at 70). She didn't want that life for her children.

    Do I think she is selfish....hell no. We all make life decisions based on experience and dreams. If you and your hubby can't sort it out maybe work a couple of days a week to comprimise

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  11. #58
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    Default Work and sahm

    Saying I want to sit in the garden all day wasn't something I literally do or would, i love my garden and could but ofcourse im more busy than that. I thought people would get that. I have a 2 and 3 year old, of course I'm busy.
    I was thrown back by the lazy comments though, if you're a sahm and not contributing financially you're lazy or my dh 'slaving away at work' while 'I do nothing' is abit off to say. Just because you work outside the home doesn't make you more valuable, the work of a sahm is just as valuable. Money isn't everything, and I'm not setting a bad example to my daughter either. I have the right to make a choice about how I want to live, dh isn't supporting me, he's supporting our family, his job is just of a few we both do in order for this household to run, his just makes money, mine doesn't.

    I will most likely work from home or start my business. At the moment though, the way I feel I want to be a full time sahm, my mind is changed from wanting a big career (and it'll probably change again) I have my degree, I have my experience, I can get back into it at any time if I NEED to.

    Because we're renting and renovating and money gets tight he says it and I cringe when I think about it. In 2-3 years and we're more comfortable and the time comes I'm certain we'll talk properly about it and see where we are.
    Thanks everyone for your contribution. I didn't want this to be a debate or become an us vs them type thing. We're all different and have different lives and needs/wants, what woks for you or what you could/couldn't do doesn't apply to me.
    x

  12. #59
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    Quote Originally Posted by lemonpancakes View Post
    I wonder about this too. Our generation aren't going to have old age pensions, we have to rely on our super. I'm 33 so I have at least 30 more years of working ahead of me. I don't understand how single income families will be able to live on just the husband's super.
    Really - no age pensions? What will happen to those who could not work (carers/those with a disability/unemployable for whatever reason)? I can't picture starving in the streets, but maybe I'm naive...

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  14. #60
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    Default Work and sahm

    Quote Originally Posted by BornToBe View Post
    Really - no age pensions? What will happen to those who could not work (carers/those with a disability/unemployable for whatever reason)? I can't picture starving in the streets, but maybe I'm naive...
    Yep that's what I think.


 
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