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  1. #31
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    Default Work and sahm

    I guess you just don't want your husband to end up resenting you down the track. It sounds like you have a lot of things planned for your future I.e. a new house, holiday home and I imagine it would be hard to do all those things on a sole income.

  2. #32
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    At the moment I do everything, I always have, I get up at 6am to make his lunch, I clean up after him, he has dinner on the table, food in the fridge, his clothes cleaned, a spotless house, he literally doesn't even take the bins out. I do everything!! And I like it (and so does he) He won't help when I go back to work, I know because I've worked full time and still had to do it all, this time I'll be doing it with kids aswell.
    Everyone says he'll resent me, i haven't pushed the subject yet, but if I seriously don't want to go back he'll support it. Will he resent me? Well why are his feeling s more important, or the fact he makes a wage more important than all the things I do?
    How about this, I'll resent him for making me go back to work, me being stressed, anxious, unhappy, fighting constantly when he doesn't pull his weight, my kids being in after school care, not having dinner ready, them seeing us both unhappy. I really don't see how that's any better?

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    BlissedOut  (13-01-2013),Gothel  (13-01-2013),onionskin  (13-01-2013),SoThisIsLove  (13-01-2013),ToonZie  (13-01-2013)

  4. #33
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    Default Work and sahm

    Quote Originally Posted by BlissedOut View Post
    I'm surprised. Our family operates as a unit. We all contribute in different ways, financial contribution isn't more or less valuable than what I do, we just all workhard for the benefit of our family.

    I
    personally think it's selfish to operate in a way where one considers their contribution as more significant.
    What she said!

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    ToonZie  (13-01-2013)

  6. #34
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    I totally hear you OP! I would love to never work again! It just doesn't interest me much anymore, I want to be available to my children before and after school (if I went back to work they would have to go to before school care from 6.30am), just as my mum was, and also contribute to their school life as a volunteer - someone has to man the canteen, help with before school reading, excursions etc. I feel sad for the kids who can never have a parent help, go to assemblies or excursions.
    My DH and I both came from families with a SAHM, my DH's mum never worked after having kids and my mum started working PT when we were teens. It was great, and I would love to do the same for my children.

    Of course it comes down to finances, and whether you and your DH are on the same page for child-rearing. Financially, we would (of course) be better off if I worked, but it also puts more pressure on my family/DH if I work - there is a lot more child juggling between us and we have no outside family support, not to mention the cost of putting 3 children in day-care/before/after achool care. We both work in shif-working industries, which makes it more difficult.

    Anyway, what I am getting at, is that I do not think it is selfish or lazy, IF it works for your family and everyone is happy.

  7. #35
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    Default Work and sahm

    Quote Originally Posted by Someones Mummy View Post
    At the moment I do everything, I always have, I get up at 6am to make his lunch, I clean up after him, he has dinner on the table, food in the fridge, his clothes cleaned, a spotless house, he literally doesn't even take the bins out. I do everything!! And I like it (and so does he) He won't help when I go back to work, I know because I've worked full time and still had to do it all, this time I'll be doing it with kids aswell.
    Everyone says he'll resent me, i haven't pushed the subject yet, but if I seriously don't want to go back he'll support it. Will he resent me? Well why are his feeling s more important, or the fact he makes a wage more important than all the things I do?
    How about this, I'll resent him for making me go back to work, me being stressed, anxious, unhappy, fighting constantly when he doesn't pull his weight, my kids being in after school care, not having dinner ready, them seeing us both unhappy. I really don't see how that's any better?
    If you had said that in your first OP you would have got a world of different responses I think.

  8. #36
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    Default Work and sahm

    Quote Originally Posted by missie_mack View Post
    I don't understand your concern. Surely raising children is a full time job on its own. If we put our children into childcare most of us expect the childcare to spend the whole day entertaining and supervising our children, why should children have less than this simply because they have a parent home with them? Why is childrearing not a valid and valued career? And surely if a husband can finish his work day and have time out the same option should be afforded to those who work in the home? Why are they less than because they are not bringing in a income as such? Being a SAHM is not an abbreviation for Stay At Home Maid! Spending time with children who need or want that attention is valued and important, it is moulding them into the person they will be. I really really hate the whole stepford wife suggestion and more so when it is implied that one is less valued for spending time with children over housework.
    If the kids are at school ( as suggested hes happy for op to stay at home until the kids are at school- but op doesnt want to go back even then) there is several hours to look after the house and still be a parent helper, tuck shop etc.
    I'm just putting another point across that I have seen first hand resentment

  9. #37
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    I work because I hate being 100% reliant on someone else. I only work 2 days a week though.

    If my DH gets sick or injured, I can walk back into a FT career if I need too, as I am maintaining my skills. Or, if DH and I split for some reason, I'd be able to support myself and my children.

    And when our kids are grown and move onto exotic lifestyles, travelling the world we'll be able to retire and stalk them

    That said, if I can get away with it, I'll never work full time again

    ETA: DH would be happy for me to be a full time SAHM, he says to do whatever makes me happy Actually, if was trying to get me to go back to work, i'd probably be more likely to want to stay home!

  10. #38
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    Default Work and sahm

    Quote Originally Posted by waterlily View Post
    If you had said that in your first OP you would have got a world of different responses I think.
    Agree hugs

  11. #39
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    Default Work and sahm

    Quote Originally Posted by Someones Mummy View Post
    But just the thought and if I had the choice I wouldn't. I don't think it makes me horrible, my mum never worked and is a great person and is a great mother and grandmother, she was selfless not selfish, she did everything for us and was always there.
    Why is that such a bad thing?
    It's not a bad thing at all! I think I would need to have something going on after kids went to school though. Have you thought about doing some gardening short courses? Figure ou what you'd make if you went back part time and think of ways you might be able to do that from your garden. Herbs: you make soaps, teas, oils etc. or if you raised seedlings to sell at markets- you get the idea.

    I dream of figuring out a way to transition to wahm during mate leave so I don't have to go back!

    Good luck!

  12. #40
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    Default Work and sahm

    Quote Originally Posted by BlissedOut View Post
    I'm surprised. Our family operates as a unit. We all contribute in different ways, financial contribution isn't more or less valuable than what I do, we just all workhard for the benefit of our family.

    I
    personally think it's selfish to operate in a way where one considers their contribution as more significant.
    This^


 
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