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  1. #21
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    Default Work and sahm

    Quote Originally Posted by Someones Mummy View Post
    Dh keeps saying things to me like 'I can't wait till the kids are in school, you are going back to work asap' and it's a repeated sentence I hear alot
    "you are going back to work"
    To be honest, I don't want to. Not when they're at school, not ever. The thought of going back into an office and doing my job 9-6pm every day makes me sweat. It's not that I don't like my job, I don't think I want to do anything else, I've even done alot of work from home because my job allows that, I even wanted to start my own business doing what I do and thought I'd always end up doing that. But now I think no.

    Does anyone else feel the same? Besides financial reasons, why is it so bad to not ever work again? I don't get bored, I love being home, I love cooking and washing, shopping, my day is busy with kids home, but I think even when they're at school I'd find plenty to do! I could literally sit in my garden all day.

    I guess it's selfish to expect dh to work and pay all the bills and me not contribute, but I know so many sahm's with kids at school who don't want to go back either and their dh's are fine with it. I want one of those dh's! lol
    I can understand being happy not working (if we all won millions in lotto how many would still go to work?)

    To answer Your question:

    Unless you are super dooper rich, It's so bad to never work again, even after your kids go to school because:
    it's not fair to have someone else work their guts out to support another person who sits on their butt all day in the garden or wherever. It's just not fair.
    Last edited by VicPark; 13-01-2013 at 10:40.

  2. #22
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    Default Work and sahm

    I think people are saying its selfish because your husband isn't onboard.

    If he was happy for you to stay home then woohoo! I'd be happy with that too. But like your husband mine is also looking forward to all the pressure finally being off his shoulders.

    I would ONLY stay home if we didn't need me to work financially. I know if finances were in our favour DH would be happy for me to stay home.

    I work hard at home too btw, even without kids the house still needs to be maintained and meals still need to be made. I could easily stay home and still be working fulltime doing home duties.
    Last edited by waterlily; 13-01-2013 at 10:43.

  3. #23
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    headoverfeet is offline The truth will set you free, but first it will **** you off. -Gloria Steinem
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    Quote Originally Posted by Girl X View Post
    I don't think there are any absolute rights or wrongs here, as everyone has to do what works for their family.

    Taking money out of the equation, there are plenty of SAHMs and SAHDs, whose partners are very happy for that to be the case. I don't think it's fair to say they are all lazy or selfish, if that arrangement works for them.

    Having said that, the problem here is that your husband isn't on board with that arrangement. Unfortunately it does have to be a joint agreement, and I think it would result in a lot of resentment (from him) if he wasn't keen on the idea of you staying home.

    Ultimately, if your DH is not in agreement, then I don't see how it can happen. All I can suggest is some form of compromise if possible. Is he in a career where he could afford a career break? I'm thinking that perhaps he could be a SAHD for a time, and you work, and then swap over? Of course, that only works if your careers and finances allow. Or could you work from home? That might give you some of the flexibility you're after.
    Great reply!

    Hubby is happy for me to stay at home thankfully our finances permit it so it's not really an issue, at the moment if I went back to work we would loose it all in child care and hubby would never see the kids/me when he was home (FIFO).

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  5. #24
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    Quote Originally Posted by Someones Mummy View Post
    I also did say 'apart from financial reasons'
    So if you could afford to be a sahm you wouldn't and think it's selfish?
    I think apart from financial reasons if too many people opted out of work we'd be in some pretty serious trouble as a nation.

    if I could afford to, I would still need some form of work, even if it were just running a small online store or something..some kind of achievement. I have a zillion hobbies which I love but I still need a bit more than that. That's not what life is about to me.

    Raising kids is one of the most important jobs ever, but as they get older we play a supportive role and it becomes less of a fulltime job.

    To be fair, I think if your hubby needs you returning to work he needs to make it less stressful for you by making sure he is supportive at home so you still get some respite. I would burn out really quick if I worked AND did the job of a homemaker.

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    I'm surprised. Our family operates as a unit. We all contribute in different ways, financial contribution isn't more or less valuable than what I do, we just all workhard for the benefit of our family.

    I
    personally think it's selfish to operate in a way where one considers their contribution as more significant.

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  9. #26
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    Default Work and sahm

    Quote Originally Posted by Benji View Post
    I think apart from financial reasons if too many people opted out of work we'd be in some pretty serious trouble as a nation.

    if I could afford to, I would still need some form of work, even if it were just running a small online store or something..some kind of achievement. I have a zillion hobbies which I love but I still need a bit more than that. That's not what life is about to me.

    Raising kids is one of the most important jobs ever, but as they get older we play a supportive role and it becomes less of a fulltime job.

    To be fair, I think if your hubby needs you returning to work he needs to make it less stressful for you by making sure he is supportive at home so you still get some respite. I would burn out really quick if I worked AND did the job of a homemaker.
    Fair point but it works both ways. Op also needs to give hubby some Respite from the pressure of being he sole breadwinner.

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    Default Work and sahm

    Dont take offense op if you want to stay at home, running a household and kids is a full time job. I am a worker but others aren't, each to their own.
    My only concern is ( and I've seen it with family friends) if you expect DH to work all day and then still come home and help out around the house.
    To me when I stay at home and dh is supporting me it's my job to support and run the house and he shouldn't do a thing (obviously play with the kids but not do laundry, take rubbish out etc)
    With my family friends I saw alot of resentment cause by her being a stay at home mum and expecting him to still do stuff when he got home ( he had worked 12 hr days to support the family)

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    Default Work and sahm

    I think it's a valid way to spend your time, staying home and taking care of the house and the children. I had a mum that did that and she was there for every school concert, volunteered for things, spent a lot of time with us etc. We're about to have our first and I think my partner would like me to do that too.

    The thing is though, today life is super expensive and it's very hard to live on one income long term. Perhaps you could just work say 3 days a week? Maybe when you got back into the swing of it, it wouldn't be so bad. I personally would feel really bad staying home when the kids are in school, while hubby is out working full time, it wouldn't be right for me.

    Could you maybe work from home a few days a week to generate some income?
    Last edited by Clementine Grace; 13-01-2013 at 10:46.

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  14. #29
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    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    Fair point but it works both ways. Op also needs to give hubby some Respite from the pressure of being he sole breadwinner.
    Yeah that's what I'm saying, however if he wants that then like you say it works both ways. How many women complain of their hubbies nagging them back into the workforce and then still expect dinner on t eh table and a spotless house cleaned by her? I know some.

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    My husband would never be a sahd. he's a chippy by trade by he's a construction manager and loves his job, I mean loves it! He makes a good wage but we also spend alot, right now were buidling a new house in inner melbourne and we're also renting. So money is tight, because we're going for the things we want. In the future we'd like to travel and he really wants to be a holiday house, if I work we can afford to do all that.
    But I can certainly cut back and afford it if I really pushed for it, we won't starve don't worry.
    The only reason I mention my garden is because I already spend alot of time in it. Right now it's small in this rental, but in my new house it will be bigger. I already grow my own veg and herbs and mostly cook what I grow, my garden is important to me, its not because I just like to sit in it and look at flowers.

    I see myself getting the kids ready for school, cleaning, shopping, getting dinner ready, pickint them up from school, taking them to activities and just being there rather than the stress of after school care, not getting home till late etc. And I hear alot of women they'd get bored, well I wouldn't, I'd have plenty of things to do and lots of gardening stuff to do.

    Maybe when he realises there's no dinner and he'll have to do more at home, maybe he'll change his mind!

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