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  1. #11
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    Default Re: Work and sahm

    Yes, it does sound very selfish OP. I'd be sending you off to work, too.

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    Default Work and sahm

    I'm with you OP! I hate working, ( except i don't garden!)
    DH does not want me to work unless I want to and I've gone back a couple of days a week only to help out until we can find more staff ( and that's only cause we own the business!!)

    He feels, which so do I really, that I've worked my *** off to start and get the business up and running over the last 20 years and now it's time to concentrate on me and DS and like pp I really want to be involved in the school stuff so my plan is to help out now and then or if I have an old client that wants me I'll go in and help them

    I have absolutely no guilt or remorse staying at home as I not only have I contributed to the business more importantly I'm staying home to look after our son , I have already achieved many things so far but definitely my son is the best achievement by far!

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    Very selfish to me. You cant expect your husband to slave away at work while you laze around the garden.

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    I don't think there are any absolute rights or wrongs here, as everyone has to do what works for their family.

    Taking money out of the equation, there are plenty of SAHMs and SAHDs, whose partners are very happy for that to be the case. I don't think it's fair to say they are all lazy or selfish, if that arrangement works for them.

    Having said that, the problem here is that your husband isn't on board with that arrangement. Unfortunately it does have to be a joint agreement, and I think it would result in a lot of resentment (from him) if he wasn't keen on the idea of you staying home.

    Ultimately, if your DH is not in agreement, then I don't see how it can happen. All I can suggest is some form of compromise if possible. Is he in a career where he could afford a career break? I'm thinking that perhaps he could be a SAHD for a time, and you work, and then swap over? Of course, that only works if your careers and finances allow. Or could you work from home? That might give you some of the flexibility you're after.

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    Wow I didn't expect to be attacked over it. It was a feeling I have about the thought of going back to work, didn't realise I'm the only one who doesn't want to work. I mean power to you all and I bet none of you are selfish and are perfect people, but yeah I don't want to work. I most likely will though if I want to be able to afford the plants in my future garden.
    But just the thought and if I had the choice I wouldn't. I don't think it makes me horrible, my mum never worked and is a great person and is a great mother and grandmother, she was selfless not selfish, she did everything for us and was always there.
    Why is that such a bad thing?

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    Being a homemaker is a valid use of time. It sounds like he disagrees though, which is a real shame.

    I feel much the same as you OP. I don't think the demands on my time will reduce a lot once the kids start school and the free time I do have would be well spent creating the home life we want. I'm fortunate my husband agrees, but financially I'm going to need to pick someting up.

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    I also did say 'apart from financial reasons'
    So if you could afford to be a sahm you wouldn't and think it's selfish?

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    Default Re: Work and sahm

    Wow... My Mum (and a lot of Mums in her generation) stayed at home even once the kids were at school. It was just the way it was back then plus my Mum and Dad decided it was important that Mum be there to get us off to school and be there to walk us home at 3pm.

    Not once would I have considered her to be selfish. It is what worked for my parents : Dad works, Mum a housewife


    My hubby and I have agreed on something similar... I will work but am currently wanting to change career and whatever work I do it is imperative that I be home to collect my son at 3pm.
    Last edited by Happy2be3; 13-01-2013 at 10:42.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Someones Mummy View Post
    Dh keeps saying things to me like 'I can't wait till the kids are in school, you are going back to work asap' and it's a repeated sentence I hear alot
    "you are going back to work"
    To be honest, I don't want to. Not when they're at school, not ever. The thought of going back into an office and doing my job 9-6pm every day makes me sweat. It's not that I don't like my job, I don't think I want to do anything else, I've even done alot of work from home because my job allows that, I even wanted to start my own business doing what I do and thought I'd always end up doing that. But now I think no.

    Does anyone else feel the same? Besides financial reasons, why is it so bad to not ever work again? I don't get bored, I love being home, I love cooking and washing, shopping, my day is busy with kids home, but I think even when they're at school I'd find plenty to do! I could literally sit in my garden all day.

    I guess it's selfish to expect dh to work and pay all the bills and me not contribute, but I know so many sahm's with kids at school who don't want to go back either and their dh's are fine with it. I want one of those dh's! lol

    Well would you be happy if your DH decided to not work anymore? I can see his point. You need to support your weight. It shouldn't just be up to your DH. Fair enough while the kids aren't in school. After that you should at least find a job during school hours if that's what he wants you to do. I don't see why he should go and work full time just to support you and the kids so that you can sit home because you don't want to work.

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    Default Work and sahm

    I don't think it's a bad thing in itself (although definitely not for me).

    The problem is your husband doesn't feel the same way and is obviously keen for some financial contribution and support from you. I think it's good he is not putting pressure on you to do it before the kids are in school.

    I think most people would prefer to lounge in the garden rather than work lol! But sometimes "I don't want to" isn't a good enough reason.


 

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