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  1. #1
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    Default I cheated on my husband - he is prepared to forgive but.....

    Hi,

    I married my best friend in April this year. At the time it was all I wanted and thought I would ever want. Together we have a beautiful 5 yr old DD who means everything to us. We both work full time 50+ hours a week. Recently I lost a fair amount of weight and with that regained my confidence and decided that it was now time for me enjoy life and not just be someone's wife/mother/employee/manager, and I made some new friends. One of those friends was a fellow manager at work and we got along so well he understood what I was feeling and made me feel amazing we connected in a way that I had never felt with anyone before. The more time we spent together the more our friendship developed into something else and we started to have an emotional connection that developed into an affair.

    Yesterday my husband found out I slept with this man. I answered every question he asked honestly and he has chosen to stay and given me the option to save our marriage and my family, I care for him but it doesn't feel the same as before we got married, I want to stay for my daughter this I know but I don't know if this is a good enough reason he is a good man and wonderful father and did nothing to deserve this from me.

    Has anyone else been in this situation? How did/does it affect children when parents separate? Has anyone tried counselling? And did it work?

    Any advice or experiences would be appreciated. Thank you

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    Couldn't read and not reply.... I don't have any experience with this situation but you have some tough decisions ahead so

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    Default I cheated on my husband - he is prepared to forgive but.....

    No experience wither sorry. Could you have been self sabotaging the marriage (either consciously or unconsciously)? Goodluck for you and your family! Xx

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    Default Re: I cheated on my husband - he is prepared to forgive but.....

    Do you want to be with the other man? Does he want to be with you? I hope you figure it all out x

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    Default Re: I cheated on my husband - he is prepared to forgive but.....

    I feel for you in this situation
    Two happy homes are better than one unhappy home, you need to consider whether once this has cooled down, will it be a happy home? Good luck op

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    LifeInShadesOfGrey is offline Just a little bit silly :)
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    Default I cheated on my husband - he is prepared to forgive but.....

    Quote Originally Posted by Pmakes3 View Post
    No experience wither sorry. Could you have been self sabotaging the marriage (either consciously or unconsciously)? Goodluck for you and your family! Xx
    I was thinking the same thing possibly.

    But I haven't been in this situation however I couldn't not reply. I just want to say that your husband sounds wonderful for wanting to stay and I think you owe it to you both to be completely open and honest.

    Counselling is a great idea. And why not go on a few dates together. Like you would of when you first started seeing each other. Be carefree and relax, just enjoy each others company.

    Sometimes we get so lost in the day to day of life and forget the reasons why we chose the partner we did.

    If you try to make it work and you can see that clearly things are different then stay honest and open and although it will be hard, you will both come out of it. No matter what way it goes.

    I wish you both all the best.

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    Default Re: I cheated on my husband - he is prepared to forgive but.....

    One of my previous relationships ended when I cheated on a partner...

    My experience is that the grass always seems greener on the otherside...of course your relationship with your husband is not going to feel the same...you two have a five year old daughter so you have been together for a good while.

    But...there is no right or wrong decisions here, surely, just lots of confusing options.

    I'd encourage counselling to help you with the decisions... not easy....take care of yourself...

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    αληθη is offline BH name read as Aleethee
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    Default I cheated on my husband - he is prepared to forgive but.....

    As someone who has been cheated on - as much as your husband says he wants to work through it, it will possibly always be on his mind and he may try hard but he will always be scared you'll do it again.

    As someone who lived with parents who stuck together and a very promiscuous mother - don't just stick with the marriage for the kid. In my situation it was the worst thing my parents could have done and once my parents split, I was so much happier and lost a lot of stress in my life. My mum had many affairs but stayed with dad for all of us. This started with my oldest sister, she went to have four more of us and we all watched as she continuously cheated. I'm not saying that you will cheat again if you're determined to not to, but if you're not feeling it toward your hubby then maybe you should consider not being with him anymore. As a pp said, 'two homes are better than one' as long as you two can remain friends and not be bitter.

    I can only imagine how confusing and emotionally difficult this is for you. Think every possibility through before making your decision and I hope you can make the choice that's right for you

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    Default I cheated on my husband - he is prepared to forgive but.....

    If you want the marriage to work, this could make it stronger. I say this because, long story short, I was the other woman for a short time - a married man I'd had a secret crush on became interested in me and like an idiot I couldn't resist my impulses and went along with it.

    It went on for 2 months before he ended it and went back to his family. He came clean to his wife and by all accounts they're stronger than ever. I'm really happy they worked it out, but wish I hadn't put myself in that position of feeling like I was just someone's mid-life crisis fix, and I hated that I hurt someone else. I've since sent an apology to his wife, which was thankfully well received.

    My point is, his wife and family were ultimately very important and worth fighting for - for the right reasons - he made a big mistake though, but they are so much better for it. It will be hard for your husband to move past it initially but at least he wants to give it a go. Best of luck to you all.

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    I dont think the child is a good reason to stay in a relationship. If you dont think you can forever be faithful to your husband let him go, let him find someone who can and you can go on living the way you want without hurting him any further. If you want to fix it counseling is a good start and never talking to this other guy again.

    good luck


 

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