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  1. #31
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    Default Advice or help needed please.

    Quote Originally Posted by bokkie_wotwot View Post
    I think you are just lovely being so supportive. Does she actually realise that it's a baby at 15 weeks? You know with arms and legs that can actually move around etc? I had a termination at 15 and I didn't quite understand that and I was only 9 weeks at the time. I really think she needs to understand that before going through a termination at that gestation. As gruesome as it sound maby show her what a baby at that gestation looks like( if she wants to see ofcourse), at 16 it is hard to get your head around.

    I really hope she's ok and makes the right decision for herself

    Quote Originally Posted by waterlily View Post
    A agree with some of the above. When she is older she may actually have a whole lot more guilt having a abortion knowing at 15 weeks it is a fully formed little baby. I think dealing with that with a counsellor may be very beneficial for her. Best of luck to you both.
    I know, we seen on the ultrasound, a very clearly formed bub... It was moving around so much... I thought she would of considered other options after seeing the ultrasound.
    But I'm definitely getting her in to a councillor tomorrow!

  2. #32
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    lambjam is offline Nitwit! Blubber! Oddment! Tweak!
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    What a beautiful sister you are .

    I have no advice except that any decision your sister makes is the right one as long as it's hers, and it's fully informed.

    I really feel for her and for you, and hope you all find a resolution quickly.

  3. #33
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    headoverfeet is offline The truth will set you free, but first it will **** you off. -Gloria Steinem
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    Quote Originally Posted by waterlily View Post
    A agree with some of the above. When she is older she may actually have a whole lot more guilt having a abortion knowing at 15 weeks it is a fully formed little baby. I think dealing with that with a counsellor may be very beneficial for her. Best of luck to you both.
    I'm going to have to disagree with you here waterlily, 15w is not a fully formed baby or we would only gestate to 15w.

    I found out at 8 weeks and I was really really shocked and horrified, no amount of looking at what development the fetus was up to at that gestation would of made me change my mind all it would of done was made me feel guilty I didn't know sooner. I don't think it's a good idea to persuade a woman into motherhood because she found out late her contraception had failed her.

    Please don't try to persuade her into anything, let the professionals do their job

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  5. #34
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    Default Advice or help needed please.

    Quote Originally Posted by headoverfeet View Post
    I'm going to have to disagree with you here waterlily, 15w is not a fully formed baby or we would only gestate to 15w.

    I found out at 8 weeks and I was really really shocked and horrified, no amount of looking at what development the fetus was up to at that gestation would of made me change my mind all it would of done was made me feel guilty I didn't know sooner. I don't think it's a good idea to persuade a woman into motherhood because she found out late her contraception had failed her.

    Please don't try to persuade her into anything, let the professionals do their job

    I can actually relate to the other side of that issue. I had a termination when I was 15 (8 weeks) and just felt more guilty and devastated as time went on and I learned more about the situation. It has really affected me even more now than at the time, when I was not as we'll informed. I am full of regret at times and wish someone had given me the above advice at the time when I needed it.

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    Default Advice or help needed please.

    Quote Originally Posted by headoverfeet View Post
    I'm going to have to disagree with you here waterlily, 15w is not a fully formed baby or we would only gestate to 15w.

    I found out at 8 weeks and I was really really shocked and horrified, no amount of looking at what development the fetus was up to at that gestation would of made me change my mind all it would of done was made me feel guilty I didn't know sooner. I don't think it's a good idea to persuade a woman into motherhood because she found out late her contraception had failed her.

    Please don't try to persuade her into anything, let the professionals do their job
    No you are correct, I should have re worded that. It isn't a fully formed baby at all.

    I agree completely about letting the counsellors do their job for your sister. This needs to be 100% her choice. They will help guide her through this.

    For the record I would never condone pressuring or persuading a woman to keep an unwanted baby. You quoted me so I wasn't sure if you thought that's what I was insinuating or not HOF.
    Last edited by waterlily; 13-01-2013 at 16:30.

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  8. #36
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    headoverfeet is offline The truth will set you free, but first it will **** you off. -Gloria Steinem
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    Quote Originally Posted by waterlily View Post
    For the record I would never condone pressuring or persuading a woman to keep an unwanted baby. You quoted me so I wasn't sure if you thought that's what I was insinuating or not HOF.
    Oh no I never thought you would do that!!!

  9. #37
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    headoverfeet is offline The truth will set you free, but first it will **** you off. -Gloria Steinem
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    Quote Originally Posted by rlpreston View Post
    I can actually relate to the other side of that issue. I had a termination when I was 15 (8 weeks) and just felt more guilty and devastated as time went on and I learned more about the situation. It has really affected me even more now than at the time, when I was not as we'll informed. I am full of regret at times and wish someone had given me the above advice at the time when I needed it.
    Can I ask if you received counselling? I can understand it being different than a 29yr old woman with 3 children already making that choice

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    Default Advice or help needed please.

    Quote Originally Posted by headoverfeet View Post
    Oh no I never thought you would do that!!!
    Awesome! Didn't think so but just wanted to get it out there.

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    Default Advice or help needed please.

    Quote Originally Posted by headoverfeet View Post
    Can I ask if you received counselling? I can understand it being different than a 29yr old woman with 3 children already making that choice
    I did at the time yes, I believe it was compulsory beforehand (the clinic counsellor) and then two follow ups. I was in no way mislead about the process or situation but I feel now that I was counselled just the same as any adult. It seemed very generic iykwim? I feel now that the staff had judged me harshly due to my age and were cold toward me due to that. It was more of a "this will happen and the you will feel this and then you will be okay". I lived away from home at the time and was very alone.

    It always worries me that some people do need to make a decision on such short notice where things could definitely be 'rushed' since I had plenty of time and still think I hadn't come to terms with the whole thing.

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    Default Re: Advice or help needed please.

    I miscarried when I was 16 and with my exbf. It was a horrible time and I had noone to turn to. My ex and I had discussed unplanned pregnancies in case it happened and I knew his position on the subject (he went as far as he would actually allow someone to kick me in the stomach if that should be what I wanted ) I knew he would make a good dad someday without a doubt but we were too young. I drank a heap of vodka and things took care of themselves although I would have only been 5w max. I still regret it to this day and sometimes wonder what life would be like if I had the baby now. Its too late now for me but its fantastic how far you are willing to go to support her.

    I think only she can make the right choice for her. She needs to really think about what an abortion will mean. If it is a hard choice for her to make either way then if she goes through with the abortion she will always have it in the back of her mind.

    My story has a happy ending. Yes I lost my baby as a teen, but now I am 20, married to a fantastic man and 23 weeks pregnant with twin girls. I do wonder if us being blessed with twins is that same baby coming through to me again but we will never know.

    All the best xx

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