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  1. #1
    headoverfeet's Avatar
    headoverfeet is offline The truth will set you free, but first it will **** you off. -Gloria Steinem
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    Talking 10 (mildly shallow) reasons to breastfeed

    I breastfeed my kids. I’m passionate about it. I’m righteous about it. But I’m not entirely honest about it.


    I advertise that I do it for the heartfelt and health-related reasons we’ve all heard from other moms and pediatricians a bazillion times. But come on. If there weren’t also some hardcore mama-centric reasons to let my kid nibble on my nips for a year, I’d never be able to endure the insane commitment. These are the reasons that see me through the worst breastfeeding days and get me to hang in there when I want to bail. They’re pretty damn shallow, but whatever. They get the job done.





    1. Milk boobs are awesome. Have you seen milk boobs? The new-mom, my-milk-just-came-in(!!) boobs? They’re glorious. They’re porn star glorious except they’re REAL. They’ll make even the staunchest feminist reconsider her rabid stance on breast augmentation. These fabulous tits were a fabulous surprise after my first child, and a highly anticipated perk (for both my husband and me) after my second.





    2. I don’t have to work out. My baby weight lost itself because breastfeeding burns 500-800 calories A DAY. Even my best workout when I was in my twenties and maintaining a hot college body to bring the boys to the yard didn’t burn 800 calories. How crazy would I be to opt out of something that burns a ****load of calories while I sit on my ***, snuggling my baby, in my thirties?





    3. I don’t feel remotely guilty about what I eat. I need to replace the calories nursing burns otherwise my milk production decreases dramatically. So heeeelllllloooo, Smashburger. Thank you for contributing to the cause of better infantile nutrition. And yes, I would like a salted-caramel shake with that. It’s all in the name of milk production.





    4. I can’t forget my breasts when I leave the house. I’ve forgotten diapers, clothes, blankets, binkies, the stroller, the entire diaper bag after spending 20 minutes packing it, and even the friggen baby, but I’ve never forgotten milk. If you don’t have kids, having one less thing to remember as you herd your family out the door may not seem significant. If you do have kids, you know how significant it is.





    5. I get guaranteed breaks during crappy social functions. It is completely acceptable to excuse yourself from a party to nurse your child in private. Even though I don’t really care about privacy, I sometimes take advantage of this understanding to avoid awkward acquaintances and annoying relatives and go play Angry Birds or check Facebook for awhile.





    6. Aunt Flo goes on sabbatical. Thanks to breastfeeding, I made it 50 weeks sans Aunt Flo after my daughter was born. My son just turned one and I’m still waiting for her return. If you count her absence during my pregnancy, I haven’t seen her in nearly 2 years. TWO YEARS. I don’t miss that ***** at all.





    7. I can instantly comfort my screaming baby without having to troubleshoot the actual problem. Sometimes I’m too tired or busy to try to figure out what the baby is crying about, so I just nurse him. Nine times out of 10, shoving a boob in his mouth calms him down immediately. Note: This also works with his father.





    8. I can have unprotected sex for 6 months. When done correctly, breastfeeding is an effective form of birth control up to the baby’s 6-month birthday. So no hormones for me, and no condoms for my husband, for 6 months. Like I said though, you have to do it right or you end up with Irish twins. Like my parents did. D’oh.





    9. Breast milk poop smells a hell of a lot better than formula poop. I have to change a lot of disgusting poopy diapers, so if anything can make them less disgusting, I’m in. Breast milk poop smells, but it doesn’t stink. Not like formula ****. I found this out firsthand when changing a friend’s formula-fed baby. I thought something died in her diaper. I almost called Animal Control.





    10. When my kids have kids, I can hold it over their heads that when they were babies, I did everything right and know everything. The extreme commitment and effort of breastfeeding lends a lot of credibility to the future backseat parenting of my grandchildren.

    http://www.scarymommy.com/reasons-to-breastfeed/
    Last edited by headoverfeet; 12-01-2013 at 14:00. Reason: forgot the link

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  3. #2
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    Default 10 (mildly shallow) reasons to breastfeed

    Lol, I love it

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    Default 10 (mildly shallow) reasons to breastfeed

    Lmao love this. I'm 4 months post birth and I've lost 11kg! I am only 700 grams above post baby weight.
    I have to add that I love the excuse to sit on my bum and read a book. Sometimes I even position bub just right even after she's unlatched so that DH thinks she's still feeding and I can sit there longer lol. Sneaky mama.

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    GreenMama  (12-01-2013),Rockett  (12-01-2013)

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    Love this! I've already shared it on FB. I credit my boobie monster with the fact that I lost 17kg after he was born. Exercise, healthy food, what is that?

    And yep, I'm so lazy. DS is upset? Pop him on the boob. Can't sleep? Pop him on the boob.

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    Default 10 (mildly shallow) reasons to breastfeed

    I love it! Thanks for sharing!
    😂😂😂😂😂

    I too enjoy these additional benefits of BF!

    I also appreciated the fact that night feeds could be done with optimum laziness, no preparing bottles while an infant screams and completely wakes me up. No, I could pop him on the boob while still half asleep myself and just stay in that lovely dozy state that those milk hormones bring on.

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    Sarelou  (12-01-2013)

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    Default 10 (mildly shallow) reasons to breastfeed

    Great list

    My friend swears she got great abs too from the contracting tummy

  10. #7
    SpecialPatrolGroup's Avatar
    SpecialPatrolGroup is offline T-rex is cranky until she gets her coffee.
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    I was clearly doing a few things wroong for 20 months


    1. Milk boobs are awesome. H/I cups getting bigger is not that awesome. A bit more firmness was nice though.

    2. I don’t have to work out. I didn't lose weight while bfing

    3. I don’t feel remotely guilty about what I eat. See point 2

    4. I can’t forget my breasts when I leave the house. This is true

    5. I get guaranteed breaks during crappy social functions. Also true, but I didn't play this card too often.

    6. Aunt Flo goes on sabbatical. Thanks to having a good sleeper, mine came back at 5 weeks. But when it all comes out in the wash I still think I won
    7. I can instantly comfort my screaming baby without having to troubleshoot the actual problem. Also true

    8. I can have unprotected sex for 6 months. See point 6

    9. Breast milk poop smells a hell of a lot better than formula poop. I'll have to take your word on that

    10. When my kids have kids, I can hold it over their heads that when they were babies, I did everything right and know everything.
    That's a given isn't it?

    But either way, I loved it.

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    Default Re: 10 (mildly shallow) reasons to breastfeed

    Love it

    Sent from my GT-I9100T using BubHub

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    Default 10 (mildly shallow) reasons to breastfeed

    Great Post!!

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    Default Re: 10 (mildly shallow) reasons to breastfeed

    I had katelyn in hospital on Thursday because she swallowed a foreign body and it needed to be removed - though my point maybe is about to cancel itself out because it turned out she had actually swallowed part of a breast pump - BUT if you are rushing out the door with a baby who may-or-may-not-be choking, I really wasn't sure I just wanted her looked at so I didn't grab anything on the way out the door at 7am. By 11am she was waking up from her general anaesthetic and they asked if I'd brought a bottle with me I must admit I was patting myself on the back for bfing because it was just there ready to go as soon as she wanted it.

    Sent from my GT-I9300 using BubHub


 

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