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  1. #1
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    Default My DH and I myt not make it.

    We are growing apart. The older our babies become the more we argue over who did what and money we just can't seem to share our finances for the sake of family. How pathetic is that! It's just as much me as it is him. We just fight fight fight. And Tonyt we said the most hurtful things to each other. He's on the cans Half charged which i hate. I can't stand booze because it destroyed my family and seeing my mum/ grandma being abused by there husbands growing up. And then he gets on the cans and I just fire up. I'm just rambling because I am so upset and emotionally exhausted. We have 2 beautiful kids, we want for nothing but the fighting the loathing this can't be good for our kids.

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    Default My DH and I myt not make it.

    I couldn't read and not offer hugs!

    I don't know what advice I can offer other than try talking it through with him when he's sober and you are both calm. Not during a fight.

    Try to avoid confrontational language that makes him feel like you are holding him responsible ( eg say 'I feel like this when this happens' rather than 'when you do this it makes me feel like this') the 2nd example is more likely to make him get defensive and not really take in what you are trying to say.

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    Default My DH and I myt not make it.

    Thankyou. I appreciate that. I know I could be a lot more assertive.

  4. #4
    αληθη's Avatar
    αληθη is offline BH name read as Aleethee
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    Default My DH and I myt not make it.

    I agree talking it out when you're calm and sober. When you can see a fight coming, try breathing deeply or even walking away until you're calm and then try to word what you're saying in a different way.
    I found with my dp, we never fight anymore because we realise before its too late and calm ourselves down before continuing. It takes ages and can be really infuriating when you can't get your point across but if you both are open and gentle with your voice then it becomes so much easier


    Also with the financial/who did what fights, just simply say something that doesn't make it seem like you've done more but maybe suggests you feel you've done a lot, if you know what I mean?

    I hope you two can work things out

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    You guys could try a marriage counsellor. Sometimes when it goes so far, it's hard to get back on your own. If you go to your doc, they can give you a referral to a psychologist. This gives you 6 sessions subsidised by medicare. A lot of psychologists do marital counselling so you can use it for that. (I don't know what state you're in but know this is true in NSW). It can be a lot easier to clear stuff up when an independent person is there as a mediator and both sides get heard. We did this and it helped us a lot. Good luck.

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    Default My DH and I myt not make it.

    How is it going? I feel like I could have written this myself. Hugs x 1000. I have found the only time ATM I can have a rational conversation is over the phone. I don't get as emotional and it doesn't get as heated cos he feels he isn't backed into a corner. Might sound strange but it works for us.

  7. #7
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    LifeInShadesOfGrey is offline Just a little bit silly :)
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    Default My DH and I myt not make it.

    How are you going OP?

    I agree with counselling. It's worth a shot.


 

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