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  1. #21
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    Default Need advise, When Religion destroys your marriage.

    Hugs OP!!
    relationships Australia charges according to your ability to pay.

    Here is a link:

    http://www.relationships.org.au/

  2. #22
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    So sorry you are both going through all of this heartache and frustration.
    I suggest that your husband may need to see a psychologist in addition to any marriage counselling you may need. He has been through major emotional and mental trauma and needs to be re-taught the skills necessary to work through them and let them go.
    He will get at least 6 free sessions because of the Governments mental health schemes ( I think it's six).
    I can understand how it is impacting your marriage as a whole but it seems as though it is more the abuse to him personally is the biggest obstacle and his sense of worth and failure (not that he is in anyway but tell the emotional brain of a man that!)

    When he's able to work through those (may take a long time to repair) issues himself you may find that you can become a team again and work through marital issues together without marriage counselling,

    Some men find it difficult to accept help from the Medical world (WHY????) but it is important that he sees what has been done to him is wrong and bl***y unChristian too!

    Best of luck to both of you.


  3. #23
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    Default Need advise, When Religion destroys your marriage.

    Hi OP, first off, I'm sorry you guys are going through this and that church has a lot to answer for.
    That aside, I think your hubby needs to deal with his issues first and foremost and may well need more than just counselling. He may benefit from a psychologist. It sounds like he has been conditioned and programmed by these people for a very long time, and this will take time to undo. He's so lucky to have a strong lady willing to stand by him. And as PPs have said, marriage counselling is a great idea too. Definitely talk to your GP about a mental health plan and see if your GP can refer him to any other low or no cost services.

    Also just wanted to send you a big

  4. #24
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    OP - I would be surprised if your hubby didn't qualify for a mental health plan. As previous posters have mentioned, he has been conditioned and programmed. It's a form of "abuse"and he would qualify. The issues are affecting his quality of life and are definitely possible triggers for depression. So sorry he has so much doubt and fear.

    Religious organisations have a lot to answer for sometimes.

    Biggest hugs to you and I hope you both get the help you need to heal.

  5. #25
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    Default Need advise, When Religion destroys your marriage.

    I feel so sad for you both x big hugs x I hope you're able to find a great counsellor to help you through this rough patch x

  6. #26
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    Can very much recommend Relationships Australia, I felt their fees were reasonable, and as PP have mentioned based on income. They have specialists in sexual health in relationships. What your DH is going through is not dissimilar to the feelings sometimes felt by vitims of sexual abuse, and that often has massive impact on relationships. RA help me individually deal with some of these issues, and then worked with DH and I together in counselling. It made the world of differnece, and also help with mindset change.

    If your DH is unwilling/unable to go on his own or with you, go alone and then invite him to join you down the track.

    Good luck, and good on you for "sticking by your man", I hope you can have some resolution.

  7. #27
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    OMG big big hugs to you both.
    I'm 34 now but I still clearly remember being about 15yrs young & a member of our church had recently become a widow. He also shared with the men's group that he had started watching porn. Well he was made to come to our youth night & tell us!!!!! I think about that moment all the time & i'm always saddened by it.

    What about a couples retreat? I'm not sure where you live but Byron Bay have a lot of them.

    Close friends of mine went through a very similar situation & they had to rebuild their intimate relationship again (pastor told him oral was evil & for years the guilt nearly destroyed him). They started with couples retreat where they met people in similar situations, had group sessions, one on one with counseller, given homework each night, started dating each other again, just went back at the basics & rebuilt their love for each other. Only at the very end of the 'retreat' were they encouraged to be completely intimate. It's like he was brain-washed & had to be reprogrammed.

    I wish you both sincerely all the best

  8. #28
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    Hi OP. Agree with the previous posters' advice about GP, psychologist, counselling etc.

    I agree also about the Christian counsellor thing, too. Perhaps, as the "guilt" factor is from his Christian upbringing, it may be good to access a good Christian counsellor who promotes the positive view of sex as an integral part of ourselves and our fulfilling relationship with our spouse. And it would probably be a lot cheaper.

    Someone recommended self-help books. Before I was married, I read a book by an American pastor called Dr Ed Wheat where he talked about the issues people had in relationships because they had been brought up to think the s-x is 'dirty' etc. I found it very interesting and very positive. There must be heaps more out there.

  9. #29
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    Default Need advise, When Religion destroys your marriage.

    I agree with mrsd, try looking at a Christian counsellor. He needs to shift his thinking from 's.x is dirty/bad/wrong' to 's.x is something awesome that was created for me to share with my wife'

    People often think that Christians are anti s.x, but in the context of marriage they are pro pro pro!

    You'll get there, it's obviously a journey you need to take together, there is more to your relationship than just s.x, it is clear how much you love each other from the way you describe your relationship

  10. #30
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    Default Need advise, When Religion destroys your marriage.

    I have to say I went through what he is going through, it takes a lot of love, support and hard work to overcome, but it's very possible! Hugs and don't give up! You're doing an amazing thing standing by him :-)


 

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