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    Default Re: *Trigger Topic* Sleepovers.. What age/with whom?

    My oldest had his first sleep over with my mum when he was about 4 months old, I was suffering from pretty severe PND so it was all about helping me out but I trust my mum completely.

    I have one friend who I would trust to have my kids overnight, but no one else just yet. They are 4.5 and 2.5 and they go to my mum and step dads house at least once a month normally.

    As for friends houses when they are older... I'm not sure. I guess I won't know how I feel about it until the situation arises.

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    Default *Trigger Topic* Sleepovers.. What age/with whom?

    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    Not meaning to be argy bargy but is a 4 year old really going to be able to understand when something is wrong? Are they going to be able to see through advanced adult lies and manipulation? And are they going to be able to know how to react quickly enough (ie before the abuse happens)?
    My 4 year old seems to have a pretty clear idea of what is and isn't right. Both my girls are very good at speaking up when they are merely uncomfortable in a situation so I'm confident that they'd be able to at the very least make a call to me or the police in that situation. It's something I have been very open about discussing with them from a very young age and I have a great deal of confidence in both of them with regards to this sort of thing

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    Default *Trigger Topic* Sleepovers.. What age/with whom?

    My DD and DS has been sleeping over with my parents, MIL & SFIL, my two SIL's and BIL's and my brothers since they were between 6-12 months old. They've also slept at my grandparents house.

    My DD is 5 and just finished her first year of school and she has just started having sleepovers with friends. Usually I know the parents somewhat, as she goes to quite a tight-knit school. I e also had some of her school friends sleep here.

    I love the sleepover! Best part of my childhood for sure!

  4. #44
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    Default Re: *Trigger Topic* Sleepovers.. What age/with whom?

    I preface my response with saying that I have never experienced abuse and I do not know anyone who has..so this is from where my opinion stems from. I have not read other responses yet either.

    I will let DS have sleeps at friends houses from whenever he wants to. He is 4 and he has had sleep overs with family members since he was a baby.

    Sleepovers were such a fun part of my childhood that I would hate to deny my son the same memories.

    We have taught my son about what is appropriate etc with his and other peoples bodies and I hope that he will be confident enough to speak up immediately if something happens,or is asked of him,that does not feel right.

    I know abuse happens,I know that children go missing etc but I am not comfortable wrapping my son up in cotton wool and limiting his experiences because of the small number of 'evil' people in the world.

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  6. #45
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    DS had his first sleepover with a friend when he was 4...it was partly a favour as I had to be in hospital at 7am but he was also asking and it was a school friend. I knew the mum (from chatting) and another benefit is that she was single so there was no "unknown to me" male in the house. He loved it...and since then they have had several sleep overs both here and there.

    DS has had 3 different kids for sleep overs...all more than once...we have another one next week...the kids are both 8 (about to start year 3).

    There is a book called "Everybody's got a bottom"...it is a story book and it helps talk to kids about keeping their body safe. We have had it since DS was 2 and read it all the time...we have now started reading it to DD who is 2...and it is a good chance for revision with DS. I highly recommend it for parents who are nervous about abuse and helping their kids be confident and strong about protecting themselves and seeing through the "grooming" of a possible attacker.

    Both my kids have bunk beds in their room...specifically so they can have friends sleep over. Sometimes they have sleep overs in each others rooms too.

    Just remember that the people who prey on kids pick their victims carefully...they look for a need in them and they fill it. They also look for kids not confident in naming their body parts by correct names. You cannot change the abusers but you can try and abuse proof your kids.

    I look forward to many years of sleepovers to come and I would hope that my kids will get to sleep at others places too...and yes, i need to have met the parents and have been to their house before I would allow my child to sleep there.

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    Default *Trigger Topic* Sleepovers.. What age/with whom?

    I will not allow them to sleep over at someone else's, if thy want a sleep over party it will have to be in my house with doors open.

  8. #47
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    Quote Originally Posted by tubster View Post
    I will not allow them to sleep over at someone else's
    Ever?

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    Ds has been sleeping over at my mums from an early age. He has also slept over at selected ffriends from about 7. I like to think im cautious but not paranoid. I consider myself to be a pretty good judge of caracter. I suss out the parents, the home, i watch the kids to see if they are well taken care of. If i felt a red flag or felt uneasy i wouldnt let ds go. I have kids sleep over and other parents of ds friends tell me they dont allow their kids to have sleepovers. I respect that.

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  11. #49
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    To those who say sleepovers will only happen at their own house. While I can understand where you're coming from wanting to control this, sleepovers don't work like this (in our world anyway). I would feel really uncomfortable with parents who only ever want the sleepovers at their house. It would make me feel they didn't trust me and if that's the case I wouldn't want my kids growing that close. DD1 loves going to sleepovers but she also loves hosting her friends. I wouldn't want to deprive her of that.

    DD1 has only ever had sleepovers at friend's places where we've already had several play dates and where we are good friends with both parents.
    Last edited by Sonja; 11-01-2013 at 19:13.

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    I don't equate sleepovers with child abuse. Apart from the fact that of the eight people I know in my life who have been abused, some have been at school, at the local swimming pool and one was in a doctor's office, I am not going to teach my children how to harbour irrational fears.

    For us, now that our child is a little older, we allow a night at parents' places and eventually, when our child is around 7, we will probably allow sleepovers at cousins' places. A little older and we will judge each opportunity on a case by case basis. Part of the joy of childhood is sleepovers. I remember mine with great affection - it was an innocent time and they were good friendships.


 
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