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  1. #21
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    Default is 4.5 years too much of a gap?

    Hi - I just had a baby and have a 4.5 year old. He loves his little brother so so much. (Please note he does have 2 younger sisters too but I just wanted to assure you that your 4 year old will be absolutely thrilled. My son is actually now old enough to really understand and be excited, whereas with his other siblings he was too young to take it in so much.)
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  3. #22
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    There is a 4.5 year gap between my youngest 2 and now at 9 years old and 4.5 they are the best of friends and get on really well. DD2 has had a friend over today and they both allowed DD3 to join in and follow them around all day - DD3 LOVED it! We had a week at the beach after Christmas and DD2 & 3 happily played together the whole week, occasionally they have the odd disagreement but mostly they get on well.

    Our oldest is in a wheelchair and severely disabled, we had not planned to have a 3rd due to our oldest daughter's genetic condition however obviously DD3 was meant to be! The 4 1/2 year age gap has actually worked really well for us, by the time DD3 came along DD1 was at school full-time and DD2 had just started kinder 2 days a week & continued daycare 1 day a week, this meant I had 3 days a week to spend just with DD3 which was lovely! However it was also nice to have the 2 younger girls together 2 days a week as well.

    DD2 was a big help and loved helping out with the new baby, there was no jealousy and a big bonus was that she could help herself to a drink/food and take herself to the loo if I was on the couch breast feeding for an extended time.

    DD3 starts school this year and DD2 is so excited to have a little sister in kinder, can't wait to be able to visit her classroom when we drop her off in the mornings and wave to her from the primary playground at lunchtime. They are very protective of each other, because of the age gap they are not really competing with each other over the same toys etc. My sister has 18 months between her 2 children and in many ways they are treated as much the same age - she has to have 2 of everything the same to avoid fights!

    It surprises my DH and I how well our 2 get on considering the age gap - I'm sure things will change when DD2 hits high school, but for now its working well!

  4. #23
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    I was in the same boat, had 2 children 23mths apart, and then had out 3rd child with a 5.5 age gap. I tell you, it is the BEST thing we have ever done!!
    My older 2 adore their little brother, they are old enough to understand he is a baby/toddler (now 18mths) and will forgive him anything. They love to help out, and play with him all the time. They are pretty independent and can feed, dress and clean themselves...

    My DH and I have really enjoyed this baby. You know, your 1st baby is always a challenge as its all so new and scary, the 2nd is often easier, but having a toddler at the same time brings its challenges! This bub we have just been able to enjoy 100%..we have been relaxed and he has just slotted into our lives like he was always there..it has been such a JOY.
    In conclusion (LOL) DO IT, it is fantastic, and other parents I know with a similar situation say the same

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    Not at all. Here are lots of advantages to a bigger gap.
    Also siblings don't need to be born close together to be close. There is 9 years between DH and the sibling before him ( and even more for the ones before that) and they are extremely close, always have been. I have a close gap with my siblings and hate them.

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    I don't think age gaps play any part in if kids will get along or not. I have 4 step children. The oldest two are just over a year apart, have nothing in common and for the most part can't stand each other. There is a 6 year and 9 year age gap between the eldest and youngest two and they get on like a house on fire and are best mates.

    I think age gap isn't an issue with kids if its not an issue with you

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    It sounds like the biggest issue is convincing your husband. When I wanted a second child, my partner said he wanted to wait another year until he finished his internship so we would have more money. While he was right, he shouldn't have tried to compete my baby-wanting hormones.

    I twisted my partner's arm with the following:

    - telling him that it could take a year or more to conceive, and just because we conceived our first immediately, doesn't mean there won't be a problem this time (sucker: got pregnant second cycle)
    - telling him that it would be guaranteed s&x at least a few times a month (again, bad luck for him due to quick conception)
    - just general wearing down and whining "c'mon, let's have another baby, c'mon let's have another baby" every day for months

    Anyway, the 4 year gap is good. I like that my older son is a bit more independent now as I'm way to lazy for a small gap. But I do sometimes feel a bit sad that I didn't have a 2.5 or 3 year gap, as my 4yo has suddenly become more social and is craving the company of other kids all the time, so would love a toddler to play with. Or they might fight. who knows.

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    I have to say, I certainly hope it's not too big a gap! *chuckle*. DS's 4th birthday is about 3 weeks after this bub will be born. I feel that for us it will be a good gap. We didn't want that much time between kids but didn't really get the choice because of my work.

    Now DS is completely toilet trained now for both day and night, knows how to get snacks out of the fridge/cupboard if he needs them... The only thing he can't yet do is turn on taps to get a drink but we'll circumvent that particular problem by having drinks in the fridge for him so that if he needs anything while bubs is feeding and I can't move he can still get a drink.
    So realistically I think it's made things so much easier than if we'd had them closer together even though we would have liked a smaller gap.

    I also think that having DS start school when this bub is still young will definitely help me to cope with the whole 'my baby is going to school!' thing .

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    Default is 4.5 years too much of a gap?

    My brother and I have ten years between us and are as close as anything! He is one of my best friends, a wonderful uncle and someone I love to spend time with.

    My dp and his sister are 18 months apart and fight all the time. They barely talk when they see each other and are not close at all.

    My point is, age is not a factor. It is personality at the end of the day that determines how they will get along.

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    Chew the mintie - what an absolutely beautiful picture!

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    Every age gap has its pro's and con's and its not something that is constant but will change over the years. For instance... My children are 14 months apart and it was sheer hell the first year. I imagine having a five year old would've been far easier with a new born than a 15 month old. However they are 2 and 3 now and get along amazingly and are so close in age they are at the same "level" if you know what I mean. I have had friends with larger age gaps that have a little "helper" and I must admit vie been envious at times. Whatever age gap u have it will be good at times and difficult at times. But I don't believe there is an "ideal" age gap.


 

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