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  1. #1
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    Default First Fight with Hubby since he has been doing FIFO

    Hi Ladies,
    Happy New Year! Hope you all had a nice break and had your partners home.

    My hubby started a FIFO job last October and its a tough roster, 4 weeks on, 1 week off. Well last night we had our first fight and I just feel like crap about it, its so much harder to cope with when you cant see them in person!

    We are expecting our first baby in March and we have been trying to work out when he will come home for the birth. I dont want him coming home before I go into labour cause I could over a week or two after my due date and dont want him to be home for too long while im pregnant, I would prefer he be home longer when bubs has arrived.
    So his boss has advsied the best thing to do it, drive himself to his swing in march (7 hour drive), so that when he gets the call from me, he can just leave straight away and get home.

    I have a few concerns about this, i'am worried that 7 hours will be too long and I could possibly have the baby. Its unlikely with my first, but it could happen. This is our first and only child we are planning to have and I do not want him missing the birth. My mum is a support person too, so she only lives 10 mins away and she we will be with me, but its not the same as having my hubby there. Secondly, im worried about him driving home on his own (at god knows what time of the day/night), in a potentially frantic state (depending on how quickly my labour is progressing). I know he is a good driver, but I am just worried about he will be emotionally and lack of concentration on the road etc... I dont need to be in labour and worrying about him getting home safely too. Our other options are flying home, but he is in north qld, so he might not be able to get a flight straight away. A mate of his at site, offered to take a few days off and drive him home when I go into labour, and this would be my preferred option but hubby doesnt want him doing that as they work on the same crew etc...
    He got so ****ed off at me last night when I kept trying to think of other options and when I voiced my concern about him driving home. I get he just wants the freedom to be able to leave and have a car at site, but it does worry me.
    Am I overeacting??? He pretty much decided that this is what he is doing and there is no better option and we left it at that.
    Anyone else been in this situation?

    Sorry for the novel!!!!

  2. #2
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    Default First Fight with Hubby since he has been doing FIFO

    I think you might just need to trust him to do whatever he feels is the best option that will get him there when you need him? It is stressful for FIFO guys too! I have been in a similar situation. I am sure he wants to be there as much as you want him there.

    If there are no other options - just think - would you rather him be there for the birth and not as long with the baby (as your mum is around for support?) Or prefer that he miss the birth and have more time with you and a newborn?

    I know I would rather have my hubby home for the birth and would sacrifice whatever was necessary to do so.

    It's potentially a once in a lifetime event... Good luck to both of you, I hope you come to a decision you are both happy with :-)

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    Default First Fight with Hubby since he has been doing FIFO

    Him driving home sounds by far the best option. 7 hours is really not that long. You need to trust DH and i would prefer my DH drove than some random work mate who may not be as safe. my DH is a 4:1 swing it can get tough. You don't want him to miss the birth so use your mum after baby is born and get your DH home early.

    Good luck,

  4. #4
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    Default First Fight with Hubby since he has been doing FIFO

    Ps: not all first babies take hours, it could be a quick affair - you just don't know :-) And having said that there could also be a false alarm or 2 prior...?! You'd hate for him to start driving and have to tell him to turn around...

    Are you able to talk to your OB about induction at a particular point if baby hasn't arrived? And make sure hubby is home?
    Last edited by mrsoptomistic; 08-01-2013 at 10:43.

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    Oh dont overthink it too much! Honestly when it comes to it I just let DH make his own decisions. I totally understand your concerns I would think exactly the same but its not worth fighting over because he'll just say that's what I'm doing and that's it! Maybe tell him that having a second driver on such a long drive might help pass the time but don't push it (I learned that if I do that my DH will almost always do as I would like except he thinks its his idea so he's happy as dandy)
    It would be sad if he missed the birth but it wouldn't be the end of the world you'll need him far more after the birth than during!!!
    Good luck with everything!!

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    7 hours is a long drive. It is one that needs a few stops for food/toilet etc and a little bit of prepping before you leave. If he is in a rush to get home he might make rash decisions and try to push himself not to stop etc. I personally wouldn't want to be spending labour worrying about my husband driving 7 hours at whatever time. I'd be secretly worried that he wouldn't make it home, maybe it's not a likely thing to happen, but that's just what my mind would do to me! He could also be already tired or coming off a big shift, then need to drive 7 hours, get to the hospital/home and support you for hours, then help you with a newborn when he is that exhausted. That isn't really going to be a big help when he might be beyond exhausted by the end of all of that!

    If it were me I would just get him to take time off from around the due date. I know you said this gives you less time after the birth, but having someone around to do long walks and talk about labour and plans etc is a really lovely thing. A few weeks of just you two could be a big positive. Go to a few quiet dinners, the movies, long uninterrupted talks etc. After the baby is born it can be hard to get quality time together as it is more about getting through the tiredness, caring for a new baby etc. And then maybe your Mum can help when he goes back to work, as she is so close?

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  8. #7
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    Thanks ladies, its good to have some outside perspective. I think so much of it has to do with my hormones, I think im just a bit emotional right now, I have so much to do before the baby arrives, hubby will only be home for two weeks between now and when the baby is born making it hard to get things done and work is stressful organising my team and my replacement, but I cant get motivated!
    I think I will have a talk to him tonight about maybe coming home earlier, instead of when I go into labour. Good point made about spending the last bit of time together before bubs arrives. I just dont know if he will be able to leave work unless it is an emergency and I'am in labour, but will see what he thinks. I know he does not want to miss the birth, thats for sure!!! I think i will talk to my doc about options for inducing etc...
    Thanks again ladies, appreciate your advice.

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    Default First Fight with Hubby since he has been doing FIFO

    I also chose elective cs for this very reason. Well not that reason alone but it was a major factor.

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    Default First Fight with Hubby since he has been doing FIFO

    I have exact problem ! Just praying us works out because dh has a 7 hour flight back to me !!!

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    Default First Fight with Hubby since he has been doing FIFO

    I'm in the same situation... Due at the end of Feb & my DH works FIFO, we have asked to be induced about 38/39 weeks and this is when my DH holidays start, if it happens naturally before then, we'll work it out, flights are pretty good from his site & which is good cause driving is not an option, over 15 hours...

    I got a bit of judgement from the midwife I spoke to the other day bout the risks of planned induction as it has higher risk of turning into c-section... Our thoughts are that risk is ok with us, c-section is not the end of the world and our biggest thing is to be together for the labour & as this is the lifestyle we choose we need to make plans that suit us, its our baby after all... To be completely honest a little more planning suits my personality anyway... But my advise is talk to your OB... It suits them as they can plan their golf around it anyway!

    In saying all that I will have everything crossed those last couple of week stat bub doesn't have ideas of its own about when it wants to arrive!!


 

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