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  1. #61
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    Well DS1 started daycare last yr in may (age 2.5) as i thought he might benefit from some social interaction with other kids. (i'm a SAHM and he refused to even acknowledge the existance of his 6 mth old baby brother) He was practicly non verbal (would babble), food and sensory issues, co-ordination issues and is also very independent little boy and wasn't interested in interacting with anyone except DH and I and, like you little boy, would walk around aimlessly going from one toy/object to the next at home and daycare.

    Now, almost 10 months on, he LOVES going to daycare and looks forward to it and shows me by dragging around and throwing his daycare bag at me in the days leading up to daycare day His speech has improved a lot and can say a few communicative words, interacts with other children and by that i mean he will laugh at other kids if they do something he thinks is funny (something simple as other kids running past him or making a funny noise) but he is still very independant and i think always will be. His co-ordination has improved a bit and i think most importantly, when he has had a developmental 'growth spurt' he dosn't regress as much as he used to.

    Please don't be hard on yourself, you sond like such a fantastic mum and you only want the best for your DS. He will find his way i'm sure but everything takes time in our autistic world

  2. #62
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    heeeeerekittykitty is offline My babies, my cats ....ahhhh , bliss !!!
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    Default ASD parents chat and support

    Thank you so much to you all . It feels so good being able to talk to others that understand .

    Baby nomad - i will try and give it a good try and I know my instinct will tell me if its the right thing or not . Your son is doing fantastic and has come very far , that's wonderful . OMG the thought of main****** also terrifies me . It's a catch 22. They do well enough to go to main****** but in turn probably don't get any support as they won't qualify , and they still need it , our kids need all the extra support they can get to assist their school journey .

    Ilovebrody - thanks for your advice also and kind words . Oh you must feel like your Back to square 1 with this new chapter of prep . I'm so glad today you actually were able to leave with abit of peace of mind . The school sounds wonderful with him and understanding of the behavioral challenges your currently facing .

    Cantwait1- thanks to you too. I'm so glad to hear your sons going well . It's given me hope that maybe this will be my son too . I just can't see it . I know
    I'm sounding negative but gosh the future just seems bleak at the beginning of this journey :-(

    Love you ladies your awesome .

    I am very happy with he's support person , she honestly is a lovely older woman , and I'm relatively happy with the other carers and I feel I have their support in us trying to eventually incorporate baby steps to help with he's development .

    I don't think it matters where he was whether kinder or school . He would still walk around Aimlessly from one toy to the next , or just go outside to play , or sit on the floor staring at his cars. And THAT is what breaks my heart . That he isn't happy . He isn't unhappy either , but he just is there I guess . Tolerates it because he knows he must stay and it's part of the routine , he is very much a creature of habit . But he doesn't love it .

    I know I'm jumping the gun and its only been two weeks but I wonder . What will you even get out of this experience ? I guess just being away from me is a huge achievement in itself , first time in 3 years he has ever been left with anyone longer than 20 minutes or so .

    Also did any of your children cry going ?

    What if he begins crying when I leave or on the way in the car , what the hell do I do then ? Advice really needed on this part ?

    It's this fine line of giving it a chance yet also not wanting him traumatised by this experience ?

    Oh this all just sucks I feel sick in the stomach over it , just the fact he can't tell me how he feels or if he likes it or doesn't , heartbreaking :-(

  3. #63
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    Default Re: ASD parents chat and support

    Awww kitty, I just want to reach through my phone and give you a big hug hun! Yes, DS did cry the first couple of times I went to leave and I would stay to comfort him the first few times then I just told him mummy is leaving now and I will be back soon to get him and then leave. the teacher would be there with toys or take him outside to calm him down and he would calm down in 5mins after I left. Also told the teachers call me in half an hour he is still isn't settled and would collect him (that never happened though) I know what I did may sound a bit harsh but I know how far to push my son out of his comfort zone and for him to still be ok and that is up to you to figure out too i still struggle with the fact the DS has autism and I went and enrolled him into our local 'special needs' school last week and when I got out to the car I just broke down. I finally realised that this is his reality now. I'm realising it's ok to have days like that and I'm sure I'll have plenty more and that's ok too. Please be kind to yourself kitty xoxox

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  4. #64
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    Hi everyone old and new ! How you all going ? I had an odd weekend , we went to visit some friends ( husbands old friends) and their parents we hadn't seem for years . Anyway , there was a couple I had never met before there too. They were talking about dogs and I said I wanted a golden retriever , the guy asks me if I had a garden blah blah blah ... Because dogs need more exercise than a garden ( yes I know !!!) and I told him we used to have a cocker spaniel for 7 years so I know about dogs.... Anyway , I told him that we had to rehome her due to Finn biting her for weeks an eventually she bit him an became unhappy and the house became a battle zone . We rehomed her to a family that also had a beagle .... Blah blah. He said " why didn't you stop your son" I said he has autism and he was pretty bad two years ago before the diagnosis. He just looked at me like this crazy woman . He said" which one has autism" I said " the oldest boy" he said" no he doesn't" , I said no he does. He looked t me like I was this freak mother labeling this poor child. He didn't talk to me again over lunch and he and his wife dissapeared without saying goodbye.

    On the way home I just felt really churned up . I should be happy on the one hand but on the other hand I felt like a dog rehoming , child labeling monster. Today Finn has been out of sorts , making death metal sounds , dribbling , gazing and being intolerant of any sort of moving of his toys and yes pretty obviously not neuro typical. Yesterday he was running around chasing all their dogs and being a kid.


    I don't know what I'm trying to say , but I left feeling depressed and like I had been judged . No one sees the really bad times and I'm glad they don't . I don't know , I just felt pretty rotten . I'm a hippy at heart . I love animals. Only take kids to drs if they really need it . I came away feeling like a cold and sterile person .


    Hope you all had better weekends. Finns been crazy today . Autism is not the same everyday . Autism affect each child in a unique way to that child. Society still sees it as a child facing the wall and rocking 24/7 ( yes that is also true) but not in every case. I felt really judged . Oh well

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    Default Re: ASD parents chat and support

    Oh I know what that is like, I have had people say it's just a phase he will grow out of it, he is just a little behind, he is just a kid.
    Seriously?! I don't want this for my child, why would people think I want my child to be autistic?
    People who don't see it all can explain it all away, I wish it was as easy for us!


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  7. #66
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    Ah yes, the ole "But he/she doesn't seem like he has Autism" and I should know because I am just some person who has never met you before but have watched a current affair plenty of times and have spent 5 minutes in the company of your child Drives me insane. I also had one of those weekends, where someone who has an Autistic child was telling me my eldest DS didn't have Autism. He isn't diagnosed yet, but we all know (our family and our care providers) where it is headed. And it isn't like we don't already have another autistic child. So annoying.

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    That's exactly it.... Why would they think for some reason your putting this on your child? Annoying . I was being a bit sensitive though . Maybe he just didn't know what to say because he didn't know much about it .

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    I've had that too. I find the thing that really hurts is how much I wish they were right but I know they are not. And they have no idea of the cruelty of what they are saying. If I told them that my son had diabetes would they tell that they were sure he was fine? Of course not. Well, my son has autism, it's a chronic condition which he will have for the rest of his life and will effect every thing he does for the rest of his life and I wish it wasn't true but it is. I wish it were bad parenting because I could fix that. I wish he were just a bit delayed and he would catch up or he's quirky or whatever. I would give any thing for it not to be autism but it is and standing there saying that you don't see it is just cruel.

  10. #69
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    Quote Originally Posted by Owl79 View Post
    I've had that too. I find the thing that really hurts is how much I wish they were right but I know they are not. And they have no idea of the cruelty of what they are saying. If I told them that my son had diabetes would they tell that they were sure he was fine? Of course not. Well, my son has autism, it's a chronic condition which he will have for the rest of his life and will effect every thing he does for the rest of his life and I wish it wasn't true but it is. I wish it were bad parenting because I could fix that. I wish he were just a bit delayed and he would catch up or he's quirky or whatever. I would give any thing for it not to be autism but it is and standing there saying that you don't see it is just cruel.

    Its a hard one isn't it. I don't think people understand much about autism but when you say your child has it , you and the pediatrician and the physiologist all agreed and your receiving money to fund his therapy from the government , it's just mean to disagree with you. I've had the ' 3 is too young to diagnose' too quite alot. I would love Finn to prove us all wrong but just because he is healthy and happy and social doesn't mean he isn't on the spectrum. He was diagnosed mild to moderate , much more moderate than mild ( pediatrician ). Anyhow , I am so happy he is progressing well but it's rude to look at me like this crazy mother / poor labelled child scenario !!!!

  11. #70
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    My dad constantly put my son's challenging behaviour down to the way my DP and I parented. He would tell my mum we were mistreating DS and the poor child is just upset becuase we never let him do what he wanted. If he had to babysit the kids and we came by to pick them up, he would always look at us smugly and say, "I never have any problems with him (DS)... he is fine!" Well, one day, my father babysat both the kids because I had to help DP at work, and we had a particularly long day and weren't back til early evening. My DS who adores my father because he spoils him rotten, obviously started to feel tired and out of sorts and had a huge meltdown that day. When we got home, my father was almost in disbelief at how DS behaved. I just nodded my head knowingly and said, "yes, its called a meltdown. I've been trying to tell you that these happen sometimes, and they are exhausting!" My dad got to see the more challenging side of DS' behaviour, but I still think he believes it is a result of our parenting.

    DP's parents are the same. DS always behaves when they look after him and only starts to play up when we come and pick him up (obviously because he's been on his best behaviour all day and can now let loose!) They looked after the kids a couple of days ago and DS started to get a bit aggressive towards DD when we got home . MIL looked over and said very matter of factly, "they've been good all day, we haven't had any problems." Her expression was one of 'I don't understand why DS only acts up with you' .

    Yes, people don't understand just how cruel they are being (exactly the right word owl!!) not only to us, as parents of ASD kids, but to the kids as well. By not understanding their condition, they fail to acknowlede their struggles and frustrations, which are very real

    At times, I am tempted to purchase a t-shirt for DS that I once saw on an ASD website that has written on the front of it: " I have autism, what's your excuse!" and one for me that says: "my child has autism, I have more to worry about than your opinion...don't judge what you don't know".


 

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