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  1. #31
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    Default When your friends kid and yours just whinge constantly......

    I lean towards teaching my DS to 'take turns' as opposed to 'sharing' in those situations. He is very possessive of his trains but will happily hand them over once he has finished playing with them which I think is fair enough. (I still encourage the sharing of things of course, just not expecting him to give up what he's playing with for someone else).

  2. #32
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    Default When your friends kid and yours just whinge constantly......

    Quote Originally Posted by topaz00 View Post
    Thanks for all the replies, it has been useful to get different perspectives on the issue . M sorry some ppl were offended by my using the term sook....as I said I'm not happy that I feel this way, yes the word sensitive would have been better, sorry. I will try better to understand tho. They are 3.5 yr.

    My ds is not rough..some pp have assumed that because one child was sensitive the other would be rough...not so. I also intervene and try to teach sharing...BOTH children snatch toys! BOTH will occasionally hit the other etc too....just because the child is sensitive does not equate to being passive ....as for name calling ?..My friend has on a number of occasions called my son " a little punk" ...yelled louder at him and .admonished his behaviour yet ignored it when her son did the same..not always but it has occurred ..i let it slide cos i didnt want to rock the boat so to speak....prob should have said something.

    my friend was very receptive to my research particularly the idea of me hiding away my ds fave toys when she visited....it did help to some extent but they just seem to find the one thing to fight over..eg it was recommended to use toys like building blocks etc..so of course what did they fight over....the friggin container cos there was only one! ...I also like the idea of going to outside places, play centres, maybe more parks etc....I think this will help. Thanks.
    She was also fine with me suggesting we needed to limit the time...but as I said cos she is moving her visits will be overnighters at least....I guess I was just looking for some ways of how to stay sane during these times in the future....the last few visits I really haven't enjoyed as much and once I actually said I need to leave for a while cos I was at the end of my tether..however she didnt agree about a there being a clash between them so maybe she sees things differently?

    I think what this has also bought up for me the underlying issue of our friendship and how kids can challenge that....i have been feeling angry about it for some time....and i have let some situations I wasn't happy with slide and ultimately feel like I didn't defend my own ds enuf BECAUSE i know her son is more sensitive....i.e. being called a little punk really hurt me, letting her essentially discipline my child ..she takes the lead in trying to sort out their fights a lot which is natural if it her ds crying I can understand that but my own ds has been left standing there confused and upset ..it's not all one sided don't get me wrong she will give things back to my child if they are taken off him.......i do genuinely feel that she allows her son to get away with stuff more because he will cry so much.....eg her ds was running around with my mobile phone..i didn't mind at first...but then he went outside to the balcony and i thought he was going to throw it over the edge and it would have broken..i asked her son 3 times to give it back....he ignored me....so did she....so i told him i was going to take it off her him and i did..he cried....fair enuf....but she wouldn't take it off him cos she didn't want to teach him to " snatch" ....um it wasn't snatching it was giving back an adults item that wasn't a toy ffs! what do i do?

    I guess the underlying issue here is that as someone else mentioned I find myself pulling away from visits..and that bothers me....i do appreciate the replies and it has helped me to view him as being sensitive and not as a sook...I need to address my own anger...more at her parenting and over parenting my child I guess than her son tbh and me being more assertive when I'm not happy with things as well.

    I think that article was good...I think it will useful to show her as I really do feel that she over intervenes In their spats...every single one of them...I have felt for some time this was a problem....now at least I have something to back up my suggestion.
    I didn't mean to imply your LO one was rough in the previous post, sorry if it read that way
    But seriously being the parent of the emotional kid can be draining, I've been known to use "oh just suck it up" on some bad days!

    I think if your uncomfortable with your friend disciplining your child you should say so openly.

    With us, the friend we no longer see was because it become to hard, we were very different parenting styles, as she looked at it as her way was right and mine wrong- so after kids our friendship was doomed.

    With other friends what I found was best was not to intervene so much, let them work it out. DD was never one to fight for a toy, she would cry or move on. We tried to equip her with ways to manage situations.
    At that age she'd firmly say "stop- that hurt my feelings" it was something one of the cc carers had her do, it sounds silly but really worked well a lot of the time. She didn't feel forced into something and the other kid would be like ok then lets do something else and they'd quickly move on.

    Sometimes we get overly involved in these issues and complicate them for the kids, especially when we are the parent of the emotional kid, in the long run they really need to learn to fight their own battles.

    Hope your able to work it out with your friend!


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