Some kids are sooks ( overly emotional ) ..
I find it annoying sometimes with the " share " thing .. Sometimes a child has a toy they love and are enjoying it .. Why should they give it to another kid .. Just coz it wants it and is having a fit about it .. ... I don't always make my girl share ... I say sorry kid it's her toy ..
No is a crucial word kids need to learn!!
Well all I know is its bloody annoying to go to a friends house and my kids cant even touch anything with the other child around in fear he is going to throw a tantrum and the mum not even do anything about it, or worse (in my eyes) tell him 'fine, dont share' and let him think its ok to do it.
The sharing one is interesting. I always encourage DD to "share" when another kids statrs to throw a tanty but after reading that article I think, why?! She was happily playing with something so why should she have to give it up to please someone else?
It's a whole different story when she ISN'T playing with one of her toys and another child wants to play, then I'd totally expect her to share in that situation.
But that article did get me thinking. I won't be forcing DD to give her things up anymore to please another child. I'll offer something else in it's place, or DD's toy when she's finished. I'd really never looked at it that way before I read that!
Thanks for all the replies, it has been useful to get different perspectives on the issue . M sorry some ppl were offended by my using the term sook....as I said I'm not happy that I feel this way, yes the word sensitive would have been better, sorry. I will try better to understand tho. They are 3.5 yr.
My ds is not rough..some pp have assumed that because one child was sensitive the other would be rough...not so. I also intervene and try to teach sharing...BOTH children snatch toys! BOTH will occasionally hit the other etc too....just because the child is sensitive does not equate to being passive ....as for name calling ?..My friend has on a number of occasions called my son " a little punk" ...yelled louder at him and .admonished his behaviour yet ignored it when her son did the same..not always but it has occurred ..i let it slide cos i didnt want to rock the boat so to speak....prob should have said something.
my friend was very receptive to my research particularly the idea of me hiding away my ds fave toys when she visited....it did help to some extent but they just seem to find the one thing to fight over..eg it was recommended to use toys like building blocks etc..so of course what did they fight over....the friggin container cos there was only one! ...I also like the idea of going to outside places, play centres, maybe more parks etc....I think this will help. Thanks.
She was also fine with me suggesting we needed to limit the time...but as I said cos she is moving her visits will be overnighters at least....I guess I was just looking for some ways of how to stay sane during these times in the future....the last few visits I really haven't enjoyed as much and once I actually said I need to leave for a while cos I was at the end of my tether..however she didnt agree about a there being a clash between them so maybe she sees things differently?
I think what this has also bought up for me the underlying issue of our friendship and how kids can challenge that....i have been feeling angry about it for some time....and i have let some situations I wasn't happy with slide and ultimately feel like I didn't defend my own ds enuf BECAUSE i know her son is more sensitive....i.e. being called a little punk really hurt me, letting her essentially discipline my child ..she takes the lead in trying to sort out their fights a lot which is natural if it her ds crying I can understand that but my own ds has been left standing there confused and upset ..it's not all one sided don't get me wrong she will give things back to my child if they are taken off him.......i do genuinely feel that she allows her son to get away with stuff more because he will cry so much.....eg her ds was running around with my mobile phone..i didn't mind at first...but then he went outside to the balcony and i thought he was going to throw it over the edge and it would have broken..i asked her son 3 times to give it back....he ignored me....so did she....so i told him i was going to take it off her him and i did..he cried....fair enuf....but she wouldn't take it off him cos she didn't want to teach him to " snatch" ....um it wasn't snatching it was giving back an adults item that wasn't a toy ffs! what do i do?
I guess the underlying issue here is that as someone else mentioned I find myself pulling away from visits..and that bothers me....i do appreciate the replies and it has helped me to view him as being sensitive and not as a sook...I need to address my own anger...more at her parenting and over parenting my child I guess than her son tbh and me being more assertive when I'm not happy with things as well.
I think that article was good...I think it will useful to show her as I really do feel that she over intervenes In their spats...every single one of them...I have felt for some time this was a problem....now at least I have something to back up my suggestion.
Last edited by topaz00; 08-01-2013 at 21:21.
I don't make my son share his favourite toy and I don't make him give up the toy he has to stop the other kid from crying.
He does have to share his other toys and he isn't allow to take a toy away from another child.
I can relate OP. My nephew (now 4) is very similar, he always appears miserable, he is always crying and whingeing when he doesn't get his own way. The thing is he only behaves like that when his parents are around. At kindy/daycare and when being cared for by others he is fine, rarely cries and gets on fine with other children. TBH, I think it may be a parenting issue. He gets away with everything. "No" is met with crying, whinging, hitting etc and invariably they give in and give him what he wants to stop the carry-on. My SIL, who I love to pieces, is such a push-over and will always make sure he gets what he wants, and has never allowed him to go without. For example, if he want something another child has, she will try to negotiate with the other child for her DS to have it or run around the house trying to find a substitute toy that he is never happy with. It is so frustrating to watch, as he will often hit her in the face or body, with very little recourse.
My belief is that each parent should parent their child as they see fit, but I really believe some of the decisions they are making are making his behaviour intolerable. Sadly, my DH and I are finding it increasingly difficult to maintain a relationship with them as each time we get together it is so unpleasant, and my BIL and SIL spend the entire time trying to ensure their DS has what he wants. I have had other friends say to me that for a child with everything, he is the most miserable child they have ever met...pretty sad really
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