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  1. #1
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    Default Pregnant after medically necessary termination- terrified thing will go wrong again

    I terminated my last pregnancy for t21 and other problems in June after TTC for 18 m. I am finally pregnant again after clomid but I can't tell anyone as they don't understand. I am 8 weeks pregnant and have a poor ob history. I am afraid to go back to the same hospital as they were cold and uncaring in my last pregnancy including telling me not to be surprised if the baby was dead at the next scan. Other experiences include receptionists discussing my case across the waiting room and even now the same hospital has never written to my GP to explain what happened. I know I need to have antenatal care but also don't want to repeat my previous experience.
    I guess what I really want to know is did you do things differently in your next pregnancy? Will it happen again? What is the best mode of antenatal care? How do you cope with each pregnancy scan?
    I feel such a fake telling people I lost my last baby when actually I terminated her.

  2. #2
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    Default Pregnant after medically necessary termination- terrified thing will go wrong again

    I don't have any advice but just wanted to send you hugs what a horrible experience you have been through. What unprofessional service you received, Can you go to a different hospital??

  3. #3
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    Default Pregnant after medically necessary termination- terrified thing will go wrong again

    So sorry you had to go through that. I would probably tell people that I had lost the baby too, it would be much easier then trying to answer follow up questions that some people seem to think are necessary.

    My gp and the local hospital were great with my mc, so I can't really comment on that side of it. Is there another hospital nearby that you can go to? I would suggest discussing it with your gp and seeing what they can do with the referral to get you in somewhere you'd prefer.

    Best of luck!

    Sent from my GT-I9305 using BubHub

  4. #4
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    First of all I am so very sorry for your loss, it is such a horrible thing to go through.

    I went through similar in August last year, our baby was found to have encephaolcel which was a deformaty of the skull and brain. Nothing prepared me for it and we were told there was no chance of life for our bub. I had a wonderful OB though who organised everything for me and was by my side through the whole thing, even on her day off. This is what made me realise you really need someone you feel comfortable with.

    I am now 13 weeks into a new prgnancy and I can completely relate to the feelings you are having. I spent the first 12 weeks not attaching to the pregnancy, terrified we will have the same result. We were lucky to have a very good 12 weeks scan and everything is looking good, but it has been my OB again who has helped me through. It is so hard when you feel like no one understands.

    I can't tell you not to stress or worry, because that is going to be natural. What I can say is if you have the option, find someone YOU are happy with and comfortable with. If there is any chance you could go to another hospital or have a different doctor then take it. If you are looking for an OB in your area try and ask other for their opinion, I think there is an area on Bubhub where you can seek recommendations.

    I wish you all the best and I hope the pregnancy goes as smoothly as possible for you. If you ever need to talk this group is very supportive, I found they understood me when no one else could. Massive hugs, I really hope you can find an OB you are comfortable with.

  5. #5
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    I too am sorry that you had such a bad experience with the hospital. I went through the public system so saw a number of different doctors but they were all fantastic. All the staff including the midwifes/nurses were also wonderful. Like the others have suggested is there anyway you can go to a different doctor or could you start off with shared care with your GP? We haven't decided if we want TTC again but have been told we can contact the genetic counsellor at the hospital to organise the initials scans etc. If you want to PM me I'm happy to tell you which hospital etc I went to.Also try not to feel bad about not telling other people you had a termination. My termination was at 26 weeks but I only told a few immediate family members and a few close friends. Everyone else thinks I had a stillbirth. I am convinced that although people think they know what they would do in this situation until you are actually in it you have no idea what you would do. Also people have this 'idea' of what sort of life people with disability have (usually something positive) but I work with people with disabilities and the reality is very different from that. All of us make the heartbreaking decision we made for ourselves and for our babies because we love them so much. I also think that all the hurtful things people might say to me if they knew are things that I constantly think about and I really don't need someone else who has no idea what I am going through to tell them to me too.Also I don't know your particular circumstances but the chances of T21 occuring again is generally not high at all (obviously the actual risk depends on your age etc). Do you have access to a genetic counsellor or doctor? We found them so useful.Fingers crossed (and big hugs) that everything goes smoothly with your pregnancy and you are able to enjoy some of it (easier said than done I know!).
    Last edited by murphymum; 08-01-2013 at 08:13.

  6. #6
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    Hi Ladies

    Thank you for your messages. I am sorry to hear that so many people share my loss. I have been told that it is possible that I will have to birth at the public hospital and I am considered too high risk for the private but they also said wait and see how things go. The problem with where we live is there is one public hospital and one private hospital so not much choice.
    I am seeing an OB next week so hopefully they can put my mind and rest a little.
    Take care ladies and the best of luck to everyone completing their families.

  7. #7
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    Hi There,

    I was in exactly the same situation as you were. I had to have a termination as bubs was found to have fetal hydrops at my 12 week scan for my 3rd baby. Its a condition where fluid surrounds all the major organs - heart, lungs, brain, etc and as teh baby grows in uetero so teh fluid grows and squeezes the organs until they fail. I had had two healthy babies so was expecting another one and it was devasting to receive that news (my story is in this section actually).

    I went through the public system but found an awesome OB that did public and private so I could see him as a public patient but was essentially recieving private care. He was excellent and incredibly supportive and helped me through it.

    I dont tell people what happened...I just say I had a 'loss' at 12 weeks as people can be judgmental and its true as another pp said...until you have been in that situation you cant say for certain what you would do.

    I then was pregnant again after 8 months and I was terrified of it happening again. I pretty much pretended I wasnt pregnant (expect I abstained from alcohol and took my vitamins) as I just didnt want to bond and be given bad news again. The 12 week scan was so stressful but my OBs assured me that a chance of something happening again was like 0.01%...but still you worry.

    Scan came back perfect and I could finally enjoy the pregnancy and now that baby is a beautiful 1 year old girl.

    All I can say is that your worry is normal....but I couldnt find away to alleviate the worry expect by focussing on the 12 week scan as my goal. Once I got to that then I would know either way. See if you can speak with your hospital and find someone sympathetic and even tell that how you were treated last time. That behaviour is not on and regardless of being a public hospital that still shouldnt do that.

    best of luck and I am sure everything will turn out fine

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