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  1. #1
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    Default HELP! 9 year old and emotional tantrums/playing the victim/martyr

    I have a 9 year old girl who is hell bent on making herself the victim. She always plays the victim in every scenario, is determined that EVERYONE is mean to her, is picking on her, doesnt like her, shes ALWAYS in trouble. Throws mega emotional tantrums, whaling and crying, sobbing in her room, sometimes in her wardrobe for extra effect. She has always been an emotional child, right from birth. She's super sensitive, very intelligent, allergic/intollerent to many things. She has an awesome scence of humour, is a lovely, caring child.
    She's becoming so focussed on being the victim and martyering herself thats its becoming quite bullying on the rest of us. If her sister tries to play with her or talk to her, shes immediately picking on her, ruining her games, ALWAYS mean to her, if I get her to do something, I am ALWAYS telling her off. Its getting so we have to walk on egg shells around her. Shes making life difficult and quite miserable.
    She's had alot going on, granted, our divorce, then repartnering, moving, new school, baby on the way, overseas trip, its alot, I get it. But what on earth can I do? Please, any suggestions are more than welcome.
    I have tried talking to her, but it gets nowhere as its all poor me, she always, you always, and cannot see the part she is playing in it all and I cant have a rational conversation with her.

  2. #2
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    Difficult. I have a 7yr old and he presents with his own problems. Although he doesn't play the victim all the time, he will majority with 1 cousin. This cousin is younger than him and they spend a lot of time together and I think is more like a younger "annoying" brother to him- hence the frustration and anger towards him. Is it only with her younger sister that she has the problem with?

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    Default HELP! 9 year old and emotional tantrums/playing the victim/martyr

    My DD is a real drama queen, add to that super sensitive, so I sort of understand what you mean, we try positive reinforcement till we're blue in the face, always praising the positives.
    The times she's totally irrational she'll get a 'punishment' and a long talk.

    Perhaps if you feel your dd has had a lot go on, maybe you can get some counseling for her? Just to help her process it all.

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    Default HELP! 9 year old and emotional tantrums/playing the victim/martyr

    I know you said she has always been this way but is it also possible she's getting hormonal? Maybe talk to her school and she what she is like there and if they have any suggestions

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    Default HELP! 9 year old and emotional tantrums/playing the victim/martyr

    Quote Originally Posted by sparklebug View Post
    My DD is a real drama queen, add to that super sensitive, so I sort of understand what you mean, we try positive reinforcement till we're blue in the face, always praising the positives.
    The times she's totally irrational she'll get a 'punishment' and a long talk.

    Perhaps if you feel your dd has had a lot go on, maybe you can get some counseling for her? Just to help her process it all.
    Please don't do long talks, I still have nightmares of my mum doing thing, only made me naughtier as a child

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    Default HELP! 9 year old and emotional tantrums/playing the victim/martyr

    With so much going on, have you thought about taking her for some counselling? I found with my DD, the school counsellor was an excellent starting point.

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    Default HELP! 9 year old and emotional tantrums/playing the victim/martyr

    Quote Originally Posted by Plan2bamummy View Post
    Please don't do long talks, I still have nightmares of my mum doing thing, only made me naughtier as a child
    I disagree, long talks were very effective for me as I felt my mum was talking to me Jon my level, and I felt heard, even when I was in the wrong. Different strokes and all that

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    Default HELP! 9 year old and emotional tantrums/playing the victim/martyr

    See I never got a chance to speak, she just rambled

  9. The Following User Says Thank You to Plan2bamummy For This Useful Post:

    Atropos  (07-01-2013)

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    I don't know how to be of help here, but I DO know I was about 9 years old when my extreme self esteem issues started. I truly believed everyone hated me. I truly believed I was ugly and stupid and useless and didn't have a true friend in the world. I look back now and realise I didn't have it any harder than any other kid, but my brain obviously worked differently, and I truly believed things things. I still often think these things now and majority of the time don't like myself at all.
    I'm sure she's not acting this way to upset anyone. Nobody WANTS to play victim or martyr, I'm sure she actually believes the things she feels. I really don't know what you can do to help her though, other than try and find things to boost her self esteem. Have you spoken to her teachers at school? Do they say how she copes? I was always in trouble at school. Or at least I'm pretty sure I was, it sure felt like I was. And I thought everyone hated me. It was awful.

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    Gosh OP you could have been describing my 9yr old DD#3 with the exception of the intolerance/allergy issues (her twin sister has those instead).

    Same here, she has always been very sensitive. Things just got so bad last year with one of her sisters just looking at her and she would fly off the handle about how EVERYONE always picks on her or LOOKS at her and she knows what they are thinking etc etc. We knew there was no problems at school but checked anyway.

    We decided to go see a paediatrician and get a thorough check over etc. What we found out really surprised us and we found there is actually a medical reason for her behaviour. Things are much better now though now that we know and can do something about it.

    She has always had anxiety as well as being sensitive and emotional and we knew she had issues with constipation which we would treat as we needed to. But he told us her constipation can actually contribute to anxiety and behaviour and he felt she needed to take something for it on a regular basis. Then he also found she had reflux pain. Turns out she had always had the pain and thought it was normal and that everyone had pain there so she never said anything. And reflux pain can also cause anxiety issues and behaviour issues too.


 

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