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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jan 2013
    Western Sydney

    Default Can't they be grateful??

    Hi there :-)
    I'm new on here, 2nd pregnancy 11 wks along :-)

    I've got a friend who is a mother of 3 and desperately wants a 4th but she's past 40 recently and it's proving difficult for her & hubby.

    Since announcing our 2nd is on the way, she either wants to cry on my shoulder or give me her cold one!!!!

    I've tried to be kind and not make an issue of it (I know it's hard when you wish for a baby - our first took 18mths to conceive!!) but now it's just irritating.

    Can't she be grateful for the 3 beautiful children she has (2 from first marriage, 1 from the second). We even have a close mutual friend who was never able to have children!!!

    And I know I shouldn't but it makes me feel guilty being so happy about my pregnancy!!! Stupid hey.....

    Any input would be great :-)


  2. #2
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Baby envy can be super powerful, and can make even the most rational of women go a bit cuckoo. I think it's generally not personal, though, but it can be overwhelming for some women and hard to cope with. It might be similar to depression in how it manifests itself, and might be related (I don't know). She might even be suffering from a bit of depression if they have been trying for a while and not getting anywhere. Honestly, counselling would probably be best for them, but unless you're very close to that person, it's not something you could probably suggest to their face. For you, I would think that you need to remember that she is happy for you and of course she loves and is grateful for her own children - that goes without saying (I hope), but just currently in a bad place in her own life. While it's totally not your fault, it is obviously impacting your friendship. Your options are probably to stick it out, and depending on how close you are, talk openly with her about it. Say something like "I really want to share this with you as my friend, but I don't want to upset you because I know you guys are having some issues, so what can I do to help you?" If you're not that close (or you don't want to come across too patronising), then I'd probably not worry about sharing too much with this particular friend and find someone else to get all excited with. Sounds a bit harsh, but nothing should sully your joy of this precious time in your life. If she is a true friend, she may understand and appreciate your backing off a bit eventually. I know for a fact that some women just can't stand other women talking about pregnancy and babies. Drives them up the wall. Other women (like me) have difficulty talking to other women about their own pregnancy. Everyone is different. You sound like a kind, understanding person, and a good friend. Use your best judgment, I'm sure everything will be fine


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