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  1. #591
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    Ally, I've just seen your tragic news. I'm so very sorry. You're one brave, amazing woman. My thoughts are with you. xxx

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    Allymumtobe  (21-04-2013)

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    You know what Ally, a few ladies, including myself, in my DIG commented recently about how much more grateful we are for our babies after what you've gone through. I know it doesn't make you feel any better but I just thought I'd let you know that there are many of us on here who you and Angus have really impacted. To be special and make a difference, you don't have to be perfect so don't feel guilty for having the thoughts you're having, it's completely normal and I know any mum who had been through what you had been through would think the exact same thing. I hope you're taking care of yourself.

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  5. #593
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    Quote Originally Posted by Allymumtobe View Post
    I'm feeling a little guilty!! So many people are talking about me on here in such lovely supportive ways.

    And I'm a thread stalker! There's plenty of threads I want to chime in on in not so lovely ways so I feel the love is a little undeserved. Like I really want to crash the "over being pregnant" thread because although I know pregnancy hurt you feel sick and get kicked till you chuck and Sciatic nerve pain and the whole 6 months I was pregnant I had the worst boob pain. It's just you may feel over it, but becoming unpregnant is so much worse because it means your baby passes away or is born tiny and sick. I'd give anything to be 32 weeks and feeling like sh*t right now

    I went to the zoo today and saw my SIL's spend so much time complaining and yelling at their kids. I wish Angus could
    Keep me up all night, run off, be
    Frustrating and unreasonable etc

    :.(
    Hi Ally. Firstly, I want to say I'm so sorry for your loss. Secondly, there's no real reason for me to be in this thread but I stumbled across it and have been lurking - I'm in awe of you and your strength.

    The reason I'm posting now is because I saw what you wrote above, and I know it's probably no comfort but what you have gone through gives me perspective when my baby girl frustrates me and I'm having one of those days where I do feel like complaining - I thank myself lucky and remind myself that there are people like you who would do anything to be kept awake by a screaming baby or to feel the various aches and pains of pregnancy.

    I hope I said all that right - please know it comes from a good place from a complete stranger who has been touched by your story and is learning to appreciate what she has. Xx

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  7. #594
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    Allymumtobe is offline Winner 2012 - Most Optimistic Poster
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    Quote Originally Posted by LauraH80 View Post
    Hi Ally. Firstly, I want to say I'm so sorry for your loss. Secondly, there's no real reason for me to be in this thread but I stumbled across it and have been lurking - I'm in awe of you and your strength.

    The reason I'm posting now is because I saw what you wrote above, and I know it's probably no comfort but what you have gone through gives me perspective when my baby girl frustrates me and I'm having one of those days where I do feel like complaining - I thank myself lucky and remind myself that there are people like you who would do anything to be kept awake by a screaming baby or to feel the various aches and pains of pregnancy.

    I hope I said all that right - please know it comes from a good place from a complete stranger who has been touched by your story and is learning to appreciate what she has. Xx
    Thank you that's lovely!

    One of my SIL's said to me the other day that she tells at her kids less thanks to angus.

    It is good to know

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    Quote Originally Posted by JR03 View Post
    You know what Ally, a few ladies, including myself, in my DIG commented recently about how much more grateful we are for our babies after what you've gone through. I know it doesn't make you feel any better but I just thought I'd let you know that there are many of us on here who you and Angus have really impacted. To be special and make a difference, you don't have to be perfect so don't feel guilty for having the thoughts you're having, it's completely normal and I know any mum who had been through what you had been through would think the exact same thing. I hope you're taking care of yourself.
    That's really nice to know, thank you

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    Quote Originally Posted by Kirst33 View Post
    I'm quickly scanning past that thread in my feed because I don't want to find myself getting p*ssed off.

    I constantly worry about people forgetting Clem. I also constantly worry about getting pregnant again and having to tell people and in turn people thinking I'm 'all better' and 'over' Clem or that I've forgotten her. Worried they'll think it means I never want to talk about her again.

    They'll always be our first child.

    I tried to PM you the other day but your box is full! Xo
    Oh dear I will clear my inbox!

  10. #597
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    Damnit!!!! The second I have 2 seconds on my own toy own thoughts I just cry.

    It sucks so bad to be so powerless and I hate not being able to get past "give him back" I know it's not possible but I hate knowing he is ashes in a box on a shelf. He should be living breathing beautiful life!! I want him to cry and keep me up all night. I want him to draw on the walls and break the good china.

    I want to be pregnant again. Not just with our next baby but with him. He is my whole sunshine.

    I don't think I can move on. I will in the way I know I will go back to ivf and be pregnant again, it's exactly what I want to do but the guilt I feel like that would be betraying him, giving up on him is just too much plus I'm scared my other kids will suffer with the constant comparison to Angus . I don't want them to feel less loved etc and grow up jealous of him etc seems silly I know but I'm scared I can't
    Emotionally extend beyond Angus.

    Tomorrow I have a scan to check for retained placenta, I have had pain so bad we ended up in the ER on Friday. It hurt so bad to be there remembering losing Angus again there too.

    I wish so badly to reverse all this. Be happy and hopeful again. My Angus safe with me.

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    Hun I'm sure you have enough love in you to love and adore a new child as well as remain totally in love with Angus.
    - People don't have a limited reservoir of love, and then each child/person takes a bit until they have no more to give. That's not how it works. Rather your heart keeps growing with every child you have.

    If you have a second child you won't be betraying Angus. You will be giving him a brother or sister who he can look over.

    With the ashes, just thought I'd let you know of someone who had their child's ashes placed inside a teddy bear. They felt like the teddy was comforting for their child as well as themselves.

    Anyway hang in there xxx

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    Ally my Mum lost a baby when I was young. We've always been open about it and she's always in our thoughts. Mum and I did a butterfly release for her which was really nice for the both of us.

    Mum has photos of her in her house and a little pink urn. She was present at my wedding.

    We'd been told before that angel babies come back as grandchildren. I had a daughter last year and the thought gives us comfort that our Danielle is back as my daughter.

    Big hugs.

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    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    Hun I'm sure you have enough love in you to love and adore a new child as well as remain totally in love with Angus.
    - People don't have a limited reservoir of love, and then each child/person takes a bit until they have no more to give. That's not how it works. Rather your heart keeps growing with every child you have.

    If you have a second child you won't be betraying Angus. You will be giving him a brother or sister who he can look over.
    Exactally this, exactally the way its worded.

    You are allowed to feel angry and hurt and like the world is a terrible place, and that you want your angus back and can't move on. They are all totally valid emotions and responses, and are all part of the grieving process.
    please take your time to grieve and just be...forget about what people say you should be doing or feeling. Until they have walked in your shoes, seen and felt what you have, they will never understand.

    Its not much comfort I know, but you will, in time, maybe quite some time from now, but you will be able to feel like you are making progress. I can assure you it does get easier with time and you won't ever forget. How much time it takes is up to you, its an individual thing.

    please take care and know that your gorgeous angus would be so proud of you.

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    Allymumtobe  (22-04-2013),Kirst33  (22-04-2013)


 

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