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  1. #271
    Allymumtobe's Avatar
    Allymumtobe is offline Winner 2012 - Most Optimistic Poster
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kirst33 View Post
    How are you doing ally?
    Aww thanks for thinking of me!! I'm ok, finding it harder to stay cheerful now days though. I feel like I'm out of options. In 10-12 weeks he's coming and he might not even live to his EDD and I can't help it.

    It's hard when the doctors give you no hope. I don't know how much hope fantasy to allow myself.

    I'm going ok with work and general life stuff though! But I spend part of everyday crying for him

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    Oh huni! Huge hugs!! I check in here every day!!
    Always in my thoughts! X

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  4. #273
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    Quote Originally Posted by equinemagic View Post
    Oh huni! Huge hugs!! I check in here every day!!
    Always in my thoughts! X
    That's very nice of you to check in us

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    You're amazing that you're still able to work, how do you concentrate?! When will you go on leave? Regarding how much hope to allow yourself, I don't know. Maybe start with something 'small' like just being able to hold him and look into his eyes. Do you have a therapist? I think they could really help you figure out something like 'how much hope.' Something that will ease your heart but not be unrealistic and upsetting. You're such an amazing mom Ally. X

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  7. #275
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    Allymumtobe is offline Winner 2012 - Most Optimistic Poster
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kirst33 View Post
    You're amazing that you're still able to work, how do you concentrate?! When will you go on leave? Regarding how much hope to allow yourself, I don't know. Maybe start with something 'small' like just being able to hold him and look into his eyes. Do you have a therapist? I think they could really help you figure out something like 'how much hope.' Something that will ease your heart but not be unrealistic and upsetting. You're such an amazing mom Ally. X
    My work is very busy and involves alot of fiddly data input into a online database so between deciphering hand writing and forms timing out it makes for a busy day. But I still manage to find time everytime I go to the loo or lunch or sometimes inbetween applications to tear up. But I can't not work so I just try to keep it together so other people don't feel awkward then I usually cry on the drive home. That's sounds super pathetic I know.

    I think we will have our csection mid to late may so I will stop work two weeks before hand to just spend some time angus and I then I will have 12 weeks after he is born. Then hopefully ill be functioning enough to go back to work.

    I have a psyche at the hospital but she admits she has no idea what to expect from Angus's conditions and his doctors are saying a few hours or days if we are lucky but he is never coming home. And from googling I only found one baby in a similar situation to his health wise and he only lived for 70 minutes.

    I am finding now I'm
    Not jealous if my friends who have had babies in a "I wish angus was healthy" way but more in a envy of the time they will have that we will not ever have and that getting to know their baby time Ina few days in hospital will for us such a small amount of time to say goodbye to our baby

  8. #276
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    That was longer and rantier than intended

  9. #277
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    Quote Originally Posted by Allymumtobe View Post
    That was longer and rantier than intended
    You have every right to get your feelings out hun. Don't ever feel like you have to censor yourself. We might not be able to experience it for you to know what's going on but we can be here to listen.


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    So far from ranty as Eko said as well. Ally, you are doing the best you can do in the circumstances and if you need to write it down here, then you do that, there are many virtual 'shoulders' and ears here ready and willing to listen and offer lot's of these

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    Not long or ranty at all! Sounds like your work is able to keep you distracted which I think is great and much needed. I'm a nanny and a doula (a doula is pregnancy, labor and birth support) so trying to work right now is very hard for me, I'm either surrounded with babies or pregnant moms! I do ok with babies but there is no way I could support a mom through labor right now as I'm too traumatized by my experience.

    I hope you get as much time with angus as possible. I think having a therapist lined up for that time you're home afterwards would be a good idea, mine is a godsend. I really vary as to what pregnant or new babies friends I'm ok to be around, some I don't mind and some I can't stand. But it's always going to be hard that there is always going to be so much we will never know about our babies. I sometimes think that's the most painful part of all this, that I have to live the rest of my life not knowing Clementine and what she would have been like. You loose a whole part of your future when you loose a baby.

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  15. #280
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kirst33 View Post
    Not long or ranty at all! Sounds like your work is able to keep you distracted which I think is great and much needed. I'm a nanny and a doula (a doula is pregnancy, labor and birth support) so trying to work right now is very hard for me, I'm either surrounded with babies or pregnant moms! I do ok with babies but there is no way I could support a mom through labor right now as I'm too traumatized by my experience.

    I hope you get as much time with angus as possible. I think having a therapist lined up for that time you're home afterwards would be a good idea, mine is a godsend. I really vary as to what pregnant or new babies friends I'm ok to be around, some I don't mind and some I can't stand. But it's always going to be hard that there is always going to be so much we will never know about our babies. I sometimes think that's the most painful part of all this, that I have to live the rest of my life not knowing Clementine and what she would have been like. You loose a whole part of your future when you loose a baby.
    Exactly. It feels so unfair to never know him or watch him grow or see what man he would grow up to be. It is like you said a whole part of both our futures is gone. Or will be gone.

    Being a doula must be so hard for you at the moment!! I'm lucky that although I work in early childhood I'm not in contact with babies and mums at all. Except my friends of course.

    A friend of mine had an emergency Caesar on Friday and i got so scared and anxious for her it's like my mind has forgotten a Caesar doesn't mean a baby will die! She and Bub were fine but I was surprised and the fear it brought up.

    I feel like ladies like us have been totally cheated. How dare our babies be taken from us!

    I hate feeling like everyday he is being taken further away from me


 

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