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  1. #1
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    Default Partner that does not help..

    I'm 29 weeks pregnant and need to have a bit of a vent. It's like y partner does not care at all. I do everything on my own, cook, clean, feed and take care of our dogs, my partner does not even take care of the backyard. I'm embarrassed for people to see it that much that I don't open my blinds when we have people here. All he does is lay on the bed all day and play some ridiculous game on his phone. The midwife told him the other day that I'm supposed to take it easy and still no help. Any ideas on how I can get him to see that I actually need help around the house? Especially now. There have been too many tears and arguments and I'm starting to worry about the stress on the baby

  2. #2
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    *hugs*

    Is it possible for you to write him a letter? That way you can put it all on paper and not be arguing back and forth. Gives him a chance to listen as well.

  3. #3
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    Default Partner that does not help..

    Hugs OP! This is not nice. Can you at least go and stay for a few days somewhere to get some rest? Then speak to him about it and perhaps enlist the help of family and friends to also let him know that you are needing to be helped/looked after/cared for. It's important especially as time goes on, he needs a wake up call!

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    Default Partner that does not help..

    I would be giving him an ultimatum, he starts pulling his weight or you leave! If he's like this now it's not going to change after bubs is born. Sounds like he needs to grow up and you leaving might be that wakeup call (or atleast making him realise that you can leave if he doesn't change his act)!! Good luck OP

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    I would book myself into a hotel for a week under drs orders as you need to rest . She how he handles the home over a week. Tell him you need a break so your having one.

    I know that sounds extreme but sounds like your talking and he is not listening .

    Do you have other kids? He will need to help you when the baby arrives at least in the first couple of months. Hugs , hope you get some rest .

  6. #6
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    Default Partner that does not help..

    I agree that it wont change after the baby arrives so anything you can do now to nip this in the butt would be good.
    My DF never helps, never has and I never expect him to change now. We have a DD who is 4 and DS who is 2 and we both work full-time so technically it should be even in our house but I just let it go for too long. We are now expecting number 3 and I know I will be juggling the kids, work, house and pregnancy... Perhaps tell you DH if he isn't planning on helping you and is going to insist on being lazy about it he can pay for a cleaner to come in once a week to do it. Some guys just think its a womans job to take care of everything, it can take a lot to change that way of thinking but as others have suggested maybe do something drastic like leave for a few days? It sounds as if he just brushes it off as nothing serious, like you are over reacting, but he needs to know you are serious.
    Good luck OP!

  7. #7
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    Default Partner that does not help..

    Honestly? I don't think he will ever change. Not significantly or for more than a day or two. I would look at your options, which are either put up with it or leave him.

  8. #8
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    Thanks everyone, I have thought about going and staying at my mums for a few days. I'm just so exhausted that I feel like all I do is cry. I'm sick of asking for things to be done that i cant do at the moment and still waiting. We both also work full time but according to him apparently because I work in a office that means I don't work hard and I shouldn't be as tired as he is. I'm so over it I can't see this changing when the baby is here I honestly think it will be a novelty to him for a few weeks then he will get sick of helping with the baby as well

  9. #9
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    Default Partner that does not help..

    Quote Originally Posted by babyla View Post
    Hugs OP! This is not nice. Can you at least go and stay for a few days somewhere to get some rest? Then speak to him about it and perhaps enlist the help of family and friends to also let him know that you are needing to be helped/looked after/cared for. It's important especially as time goes on, he needs a wake up call!
    ^^ I agree with this. I know if I got my family around to help out my husband would be mortified into helping! Something needs to change now because you will need all the support you can get from him after bub arrives, good luck

  10. #10
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    Default Partner that does not help..

    If you have somewhere to go for a few days, go! Go and rest. He sounds pretty selfish to me, inconsiderate as well letting you do everything - pregnant or not!! But super selfish since you are pregnant and have doctors orders to take it easy. Doesn't sound like he'll change much when the baby arrives, then you'll have two kids to look after!!!

    Hugs and best of luck x


 

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